How do I deal with my mom getting nasty when I suggest she see a doctor?
My mom has recently lost some of her hearing and should see an audiologist because I'm having to shout, and she doesn't hear the phone ring. She will fight me all the way saying her hearing is fine. Whenever I bring this up, she gets very nasty and says I am cruel and that I want to control her life. Inevitably this leads up to, "I know you would like to see me go to an Assisted Living place so that you'll have less responsibility. Just let me die in peace.". I only see her about 3x a week for a few hours, so it's not that bad. I never thought my mother would talk to me like this, but she has really changed, I just moved her into her own apt. closer to me. She used to live 2 hrs. away. I keep telling her I'm trying to make it better for her, and that shouting all the time is getting difficult to have a conversation. She also needs to see a doctor because she has swelling in her ankles, but I know she fears that they will put her in a hospital. She's on water pills, so they help somewhat, but not completely. I think she should have a general exam. All she saw before were a cardiologist and a neurologist.
To get your Mom to see a doctor, tell her it is required by Medicare, and if she doesn't go twice a year, her health insurance would stop. Yes, it's a fib, but sometimes we need to tell "therapeutic fibs" to get an elder to do something important.