I met Debbie about 6 months ago. She was being abused by a childhood friend who was living in her home and stealing from her.
She is only 62 but you couldn't tell by looking at her or her mobility issues.
My husband and I took a liking to her and would visit and bring food occasionally so when she asked us to move in to look out for her we quickly agreed unaware of what we were getting ourselves into.
We're a young newly wed couple. I'm 25 he's 33. We are also expecting our first child (I'm about to pop in 3 weeks) and we felt it would be "easy" to just add Debbie to the list of responsibilities and save some money along the way.
Upon moving in we realized this was NOT the case at all. We gave up our privacy and freedom as we quickly fell into this role of 24 hr caregiving.
I mean it never ended! To the point the lady would knock on our door at 3am for simple necessities that could've obviously waited for better timing. Multiple trips to the store with a list of 3 to 4 things that had SUCH URGENCY! Cleaning after 2 big dogs which weren't ours not to mention the cleaning of fecies and urine on a daily basis.
The sad part is Debbie isn't that old but her health is declining in ways that it shouldn't be at 62. She has no children and most of her family is deceased. We've tried to help in all ways possible from buying her crafts, clothes that fit, making sure she has all her meds and food she likes all to go unappreciated and swept under the rug when a new idea hits her brain.
After living with her for 6 months now we discovered she has a horrible drinking problem coupled with substance abuse.
The woman get a nice SS check each month for it to be gone in a week and then she depends on us financially for her alcohol and household needs.
It's starting to put a strain on our relationship as we have no private time anymore plus we debate over how to fix the problems with her. He wants to just shut her up and keep her in her room by giving her what she wants and I prefer to try to do healthy things like limiting her alcohol and setting boundaries and creating a schedule for her.
The problem is she has friends who stop by who will give her illegal drugs and who knows what else and she then gets so inebriated I end up having to pick her up off the floor or clean the house as she will have accidents and not even realize it or laugh about it. (I'm 9 months pregnant mind you)
I cook, I clean, take care of her dogs, manage her bills, take her to the dr, pick her meds, and entertain as much as I can but lately due to the pregnancy I've been in pain and trying to take care of myself only to be snapped at for what I don't do.
I'm starting to feel taken advantage of and unappreciated. I'm having feelings of anger and spite towards her as she isn't even my family or related to me and I do more for her than my own grandmother (whose 70 yrs old and is starting to decline as well) although she does live states away.
I have this burning agitation and frustration with her and I can't figure out if its the substance abuse or if she really is losing her mind. I've recently just stopped. I go to the store on a certain day and ignore her to a T.
Where my husband works long days doing house restoration I'm home a lot stuck with her and its making me have crazy thoughts or anger but also I feel bad. It's a sad situation and now upon us saving enough to move since we are expecting a baby I worry as she doesn't have anyone else.
I've been robbed of my nesting time and just enjoying being pregnant and getting everything in order as she's so demanding and rude and slick at the mouth.
I've also been robbed of this last little time with my husband before we have a child to take care of (this is our first child) and the romance is gone.
I don't know what to do anymore as everything this woman does is a health hazard and I worry about mine and babies health as the incontinence is outta control and she smokes in house.
Any kind advice for young new caregiver?
We'd love an update.
You said you keep getting scammed and taken advantage of. And you are. The good news is, you recognize this happens. So, let's look at how this keeps happening, at least from the info you've given:
You saw a person who needed help. You stepped in and truly wanted to help her, and that is admirable. Now you see how it's all gone wrong, but you're still insisting Debbie needs help and you just can't leave her. You've gotten attached these past few months, even with her issues. Does she serve as something of a mother figure for you, physically present but emotionally absent? Did you grow up in an unstable home?
Your husband is 8 years older. Not a HUGE difference, but life in your mid-20s is a lot different than your mid-30s. I wasn't super responsible at 25 myself. If you're newlyweds, you either married because you were pregnant, or got pregnant very soon afterwards-- either way, doesn't sound like this was planned. Surprises can be wonderful beginning of a new family, but being married AND becoming a parent in such a short time are huge changes. If he truly loved you and had priorities straight, he would have gotten his act together about two seconds after you told him you're pregnant. Sh*t doesn't get more real than this.
He'd have gotten you out of that house and given the landlord hell until those keys were in his hand. He'd do anything to make sure his wife and kid were in a safe, stable home. Not be content for all of you to live in this house and let Debbie do whatever, just to keep the peace. As Barb mentioned, it looks like you're doing this alone. He's working and that's awesome, but in every other respect he's not interested and you feel powerless to say "no". In some ways he's already left you to fend for yourself. If becoming a husband and father hasn't motivated him to get in gear, nothing else will. And I'm sorry to say it, but it's not likely he will be with you 5, 10, 15 years down the road. I know that is harsh and I hope I am wrong. Because you and your baby deserve better than this.
The common thread here is you wanting to help others (which is great) but you keep finding people who walk all over you (not great). It sounds like you have love to give; it's just going to the wrong people. There is a hole in your heart you need fill, and only you can know what caused it. It's okay; we all have these empty places.
Do you feel like crappy treatment is what you deserve on some level? That ANYONE by you is still better than no one at all? Maybe it's too scary to separate yourself from not-so-good people, because then you lose what little love you've been able to get. And the baby is a godsend, because now you will have the unconditional given/received love you've wanted for so long?
Would you want your baby to have the life you have now when they turn 25?
If it's a girl, would you want her to marry someone like your husband?
If it's a boy, would you want him to be just like your husband?
I know I've asked a zillion questions and you don't have to answer them here, or ever. Just stuff to ponder.
PS: If your doctor recommends meds after the baby, please consider their advice. Depression can't be willed away. No need to be afraid of meds you need. You wouldn't withhold medicine your baby needed because you "don't believe" in it, right? Same with mental health. It's real and can be treated!
However, proceed at your own pace. Take a maternity leave now from working at home. imo.
And, nothing wrong with taking a little leeway, saying, gee, I am pregnant, must be my hormones, guess I could be crazy, I forgot....I forgot to pickup your booze, etc. Lol. BTW, you are making perfect sense, you likely will not need medication, except your vitamins.
This should be a happy event. Are you on some MOMMY sites for pregnant women and new MOMS? Sharing can help you.
Let us know when you get settled and have the baby. 👣
But he doesn't know the extent of what I go through on the day to day because he's working from 8am to 6pm so when i have a hard day or just want to rest there's no one here to help.
Debbie is really starting to get unbareable and a hassle to take care of everyday. The demands are taking more out of me.
I do alot of the day to day household chores and taking care of her demands. He's here financially but I'm the brains and its up to me to get all this done as he only has 1 day off a week.
I don't feel alone in becoming a parent. I just feel a victim of not being able to say no and just focus on becoming a mother.
If we were alone in our own place I'd be happy as could be and enjoying this time but this lady makes each day hard to get through amongst all other things and its hard to focus with her yelling and demanding and mood swings and such.
Im trying to stay positive as can be and not let depression creep up on me but its also becoming more of a challenge.
I don't believe in depression meds and won't ask my doctor for any such thing atleast not until baby is born. I don't want to take anything whilst pregnant.
Are you feeling like you are in this impending parenthood thing on your own? Is your husband contributing at all to the apartment or other expenses?
Please talk to your doctor about the stress that you are under.
Do mood swings ever merit professional help?
Although it’s normal to experience mood swings during pregnancy, there are times where you may need to consider calling in backup. If your mood swings become severe enough to concern you or loved ones, there’s zero shame in reaching out to your health care provider for support. The sooner you address the issue, the better.
I have gotten such a better insite into what needs to be done instead of thinking I'm being selfish or its just my hormones.
Now I see clearly and that's only because your words of wisdom and empathy upon my situation.
I have needed this support and these specific answers for months now and I'm so thankful.
I have alot of phone calls to make now regarding this landlord and of course setting boundaries for this lady until I leave and give birth.
I don't see myself coming back here after that and I will definitely have her reported and looked into .... Its for her own good.
The lovely house across from where I used to live was "rented" at least twice to folks who were told that the keys were unavailable or that they should get a locksmith to change the lock. When you exchange money, you get keys.
Please remember this for the next time you make a transaction.
Don't beat yourself up.
Note this:
25
Brain Maturity Extends Well Beyond Teen Years Under most laws, young people are recognized as adults at age 18. But emerging science about brain development suggests that most people don't reach full maturity until the age 25.
It is perfectly okay to get advice, depend a bit on some good people, vent about issues. If not your mother, find someone who can be a mentor to you.
I like that you have a Plan B instead of the apartment. Try to shorten the time to demand the keys, a locksmith, or a refund now with your supposedly reluctant landlord. Time is of the essence, I am sure you know this. But stay close to the birthing place and doctor where you have plans.
Debbie has friends. Go, don't look back.
I never divulge my business like this but im just helpless. I don't know what else to do besides move to this airbnb I rented for baby and I homecoming. Thank god I atleast have that for now.
Then, track down the person who actually OWNS the apartment (because I bet it isn't the person from whom you rented it). If you find them, tell them what happened. If it is legit, they may help you and at a minimum you should be able to get a locksmith in to change the locks and get you some keys.
My money says you were scammed on that apartment.
Your right and I'm so afraid this guy has scammed me. I NEED my money back. Its got me in tears because Ive done all I can and saved for months for this and now that its not happening I'm so upset. Not only for me but my little family.
My husband and I are doing all we can and now this. Its all just overwhelmingly surreal.
As for her she will be reported I just need out first. They can deal.with her and her dogs. Ive done all I can do for her.
You need to do whatever the hell it takes to get out of living with that woman NOW! Let her dope enabling friends take her to the store. If she is able to get up in the middle of the night and knock on your bedroom door, she is able to make herself a sandwich if she is hungry.
She sounds like a con-artist if you ask me. You CANNOT be picking her up off the damned floor ever again. You are lucky you have not injured yourself or your baby.
I'm sorry for sounding unsympathetic, but this letter has me upset. Get out and call APS. If at all possible, go stay with your parents or a relative.
Its come down to ME and babys well being and I refuse to let any of this go down.
Thanks for your advice. Im doing all i can to get out of here.
I am going to repeat Barb’s comment. There is no valid reason that the keys for the apartment have not been provided.
First, mail is moving between countries, even from overseas. Second, a locksmith can easily rekey the locks. Third, keys are provided when money changes hands. Fourth, when people travel, they do not take the keys for their rental units with them.
Why on God’s green earth would you and your fellow be willing to wait three weeks, with nothing to show for it, no cash, no apartment?
I am not sure if you are naive, unsophisticated, or so deep in the weeds you cannot objectively see the many flaws in your logic?
Problems I see in no particular order:
You are buying alcohol for Debbie.
You risk having CPS remove your child.
You are living in a toxic environment, physically, mentally and socially.
You have romanticized pregnancy.
You do not have boundaries.
You have taken on responsibility for a woman who is not a family member without any legal documents, POA’s.
You decided to stop paying rent. If there was a rental agreement you are in the wrong side of it.
Tasks:
Contact APS
Move out, ASAP.
Demand your money back from the rental. Banks are still doing wires, there is no reason this cannot be done today.
If you really want this particular rental, why I do not know, the landlord has already shown they are not reliable, insist a locksmith change the locks and provide keys today.
Good Luck.
I don’t understand why this Debbie is such a priority. You’d think Debbie is her beloved mom or something, not some “friend” she’s known only 6 months. But hey, as long as Debbie gets what she needs, it’s cool.
You are not the first person to find herself in this sort of situation. People far older, wiser and worldlier have found themselves sucked into a scenario like this - someone who seems to be so helpless with no one in the world to care, and you feel as though it's the absolute right thing to do. Before long you find yourself living the other old saying - the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
That you realize that this is an impossible situation to live in, especially with a baby on the way is the first step. Believe me, there are plenty of people out there in this situation who come to that conclusion way, way too late, when there is nothing left of THEM to salvage, much less the person they were originally trying to help. You can absolutely walk away. This woman is in no way, shape or form your responsibility. If you choose to call APS, that's fine, but I would do it AFTER I leave to a new place. You don't want to get sucked into APS trying to talk you into continuing caring for this woman, even from a distance. We like to think that everyone in APS is trying their best to protect the elderly, but there are agents who look for the easiest solution, which in this case would be talking you into continuing care.
Frankly, I'm more worried about this issue with your landlord and the key. You had a contract with the landlord, and he cut and run? After you paid? That sounds like a big time scam to me. Were I you, I would contact him immediately and demand your money back. I'm betting he's going to string you along for as long as he can. I hate to even ask - but did you and your husband ever PHYSICALLY see this apartment? Not just some pictures online, but physically go to the place and walk in and look around? If you didn't, demand your money back - if he refuses report him to the authorities ASAP. It would not be the first time someone got taken in on a scam apartment - some creep sets up a phony apartment with some pictures they found online, gets a deposit and then runs off with it. Even if it's legit, I don't think this is someone you want to do business with. He has your money and you have nothing to show for it - this is not a scrupulous business person.
Good luck!
We did see the apartment and all but this guy is also stringing us along.... Its all just so frustrating. Im doing everything possible I've put up the money and I'm praying this isn't going to end badly as I've used everything I've saved for months for this move.
Ive also known for months I can't handle her alone and need to remove myself.
You are completely right this landlord is playing with me and I'm devastated. There's a bit of a language barrier (to be expected in South florida) so he's been giving me the run around, promised the keys and to turn over the place on a certain day only for me to get a phone call he went out of the country.
Ive never dealt with something like this and I'm at a loss as I have no other options if he does run with the deposit and first and last.
Thanks for your kind words of wisdom.
Im truly afraid for her and even though I'm so ready to leave like NOW! I still know we need to do something for her own care.
I do agree about the alcohol induced dementia. I've been reading up for weeks trying to figure out how to handle this and looking up her symptoms because she just can't be alone and I know that but however I am also afraid as I want to be completely out of the picture due to my baby and them trying to come for me just for being here.
For now I am sucking it up until we move but I will call once we begin the moving process and hopefully they promptly come because if not I feel I will still be checking in on her and running her errands even after we move. I just don't have the heart to leave her like this with 2 big dogs and no transportation and this addiction.
Thank you so much for your advice.
You have a moral obligation to contact APS (Adult Protective Services) and inform them of a vulnerable person.
Alcohol induced dementia is as real as any other dementia. Granted it is self inflicted, but devastating just the same. From what you have described that is what you are dealing with.
If you care like you say you do, then you need to call the authorities and get her some help. All of the drugs and alcohol are beside the point that she has something going on that creates a situation where she can not care for or protect herself. Moving two strangers in is a good example of this. What happens when she moves the next strangers in? You can not just walk away now that you are aware of what is happening to her. Call APS and get her the care she requires from the authorities and do not leave her to her own devices, she can not make good decisions.
Wow. The person can't make a duplicate copy of the keys and send them FedEx? or USPS with tracking?
Breanna, let me give you a life lesson. You never NEVER pay for something you don't have your hands on. If something sounds too good to be true, it's a scam. There is no free lunch.
Go to www.bogleheads.org and read about how to manage finances and...life.
Get on the phone to your about to be landlord and tell him that you want your deposit back.
(just to note, I live in NYC, so YES, I understand about COVID; USPS and FedEx never shut down).
I swear I can't win for losing this year.
We have an agreement though if he cant get us the keys by this upcoming month ( its been about 3 weeks since we paid in full ) then we will need a money back but then its just annoying because we have to search all over again.
In the age of covid these things become harder than they already were as it was hard enough to go look at apts and find him so idk I'm losing faith but still holding on for the sake of my little baby.
Oo-er. The kind part is not so easy.
If only it were as easy as magically transforming the life and household routines of a 62 year old woman who drinks to excess, consumes illegal drugs, and is willing to invite to live in her home two young people she doesn't know from Bonnie and Clyde.
You and your husband, on the slightest acquaintance, decided you could rescue this manifestly not-ok, and not old, person. How could you have known she wasn't the full ticket? Because the little you DID know about her was that she is physically in a state twenty years older than she is chronologically, and that she makes terrible decisions such as inviting her childhood friend to manage her money for her. Given that that was all you did know about her, how were you still thinking what could possibly go wrong?
Well, we "live and learn, but none the wiser grow..."
Pack, leave, and alert APS to her living conditions.
I don't know whether this is kind or not, but I think it is necessary: in future, don't kid yourself. You and your husband moved in because it appeared to be a convenient and economical housing option for you; the humanitarian angle was just a bonus that made you feel good about it. Don't spin this experience to yourself as one where you were taken advantage of by a mad old witch. I think all three of you, not to mention Junior to come, are getting off lightly; the situation could have got a lot worse and a lot harder to recover from.
We had nothing but good intentions and seen her being treated badly and inhumane. Thinking all parties could have benefited from the living arrangement however its fallen on me the worst and is the most toxic on me.
I work from home even before covid and considered it would be good for her to have someone here with her as well making sure she has what she needs.
No one is being taken advantaged of however no one is winning either.
I felt I needed an outside look on things since I know nothing about caregiving and decided to vent here for knowledge on the situation .... I can't account for her bad decisions only mine and I'm definitely feeling these effects everyday.
Lesson learned for sure!
It just all went to hell and now the light is at the end of the tunnel I don't want to just leave her with no one.
Its bad enough she has no family hell neither do I really so in that sense I have a heart for her but I'm leaving and never looking back regardless.
Thanks for your response.
What is your plan for housing yourselves when you leave?
Is your doctor aware that you are taking care of an incontinent person? Are you wearing gloves, I trust?
I am concerned about the fact that your husband doesn't appear to understand that you are putting yourself and your child in danger by living in these conditions.
I am concerned that you are more concerned about a mentally ill new acquaintance than you are about your baby.
The next time Debbie falls, call 911 and have her taken to the hospital. She is the responsibility of the state of Florida, not your family.
We both work fulltime... Well me part time now due to my current state.
I do wear gloves oh absolutely!! I wish I has a suit to wear to be honest.
My husband does understand however we are tied up with someone who is out of town due to covid 19 and can't give us the keys to the apartment in which we've paid for.
Its super frustrating and trust if I could.leave today and never look back I would! I just needed some advice on what or how I could help her since we are in fact leaving.
I have booked an airbnb with family for a month until the apartment issue gets straightened out just so I don't have to bring baby back here.
You don't even understand the stress and worry I've felt daily about having my baby here. Like there's just no way I could I would be a nervous wreck.
Thats why I feel so robbed of my pregnancy.
You are so right though! I'm going to let the state deal with it and report her to APS upon leaving
ever change. Do it now while you still have your senses about you.
She gets a check in which we don't touch at all.
We pay all the bills in the house and at one point we were paying rent until all the ridiculous requests and running and caring for her started adding up (we would never charge her for those things)
Yes I met her 6 months ago and decided to help her as I thought it would be good for all parties involved. As you can see it wasn't and I'm here now venting.
I live in florida with laws that protect me in this type of situation so I'm not worried about any legalities.
I'm just exhausted from her and afraid for when we leave (which is happening soon, covid has alot of things on hold here) And if its my last attempt to help her I want to make sure she's alright.
Thanks though for your concern!
No state laws will protect you from having a baby live in these conditions. CPS can and will take your baby in a second.
If that is not an option you NEED to establish boundaries. This might be difficult as it should have been done at the start.
You need to indicate what you will do for her. You can not be expected to "work" 24/7 so there should be hours established when you are available.
(I also hope you are getting paid)
You should not be funding her addictions nor should you be paying for her supplies either household or personal.
If there is a Senior Center in your area contact them and they can evaluate her and her situation. She may be eligible for some services.
The fact that she smokes in the house should be enough to push you to move out. She will not quit when the baby is in the house and the fact is it is her house and she has the right to smoke in her house.
I have recently been opening windows however its so hot here in florida I can't keep them open all the time.
Im not getting paid I work for free which is why I refused to keep paying her rent. So I'm basically her live in assistance as I take care of everything for her.
Just want to get her someone else or some type of care before we move out.
Thanks for your response !
You need to move out before you have your baby. DCS would take your child if there is a drug bust in the house. They don't believe that anyone would willingly stay in that situation unless they were using dope and that means lots of charges from child endangerment to drug charges for you.
Not to mention I'm just know with the smoking my child would stay sick.
I still have a few weeks and hopefully this landlord comes into town to give us our keys. This covid 19 stuff has everything messed up where I am. If not I will be going up north with my mother and I refuse to have my baby here.
You wrote:
"we debate over how to fix the problems with her. He wants to just shut her up and keep her in her room by giving her what she wants and I prefer to try to do healthy things like limiting her alcohol and setting boundaries and creating a schedule for her."
Keeping a vulnerable elder in her room, buying alcohol to shut her up is elder abuse. Those are the facts.
You say she has declined. Whether a dementia, drugs, or alcohol is the cause, she needs more care than one person can provide. The fact that you are so young and inexperienced is understandable, but you need to quit caregiving Debbie now. Give one week's notice on the caregiving issue only. Once Debbie finds out this is not working out, she may take the lead on the housing issue.
You can find her a new caregiver by contacting an agency on her behalf. All this takes time and you do not have any more time. It would be easy to explain that due to the baby's arrival, you need to stop being the caregiver. Not mentioning moving out yet.
You can, in order to help her, leave her on the floor in feces next time, and call 911 to pick her up, because you cannot do it pregnant. This will document her needs with the medical people who can help her. I suggest you leave now, before all that happens and you and your husband become falsely accused. (Maybe like her childhood friend before you came to live there.)
So, some immediate action is needed on your part. Hoping you will update us soon Breanna. Only you can decide which advice you want to act upon.
Remember that: NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.
Take care. Stay safe.
I will look into everything regarding finding someone to come in and do these things. I also do refuse to pick her up and will call the emt any time she falls here on out. In the meantime we're waiting on the keys to the new place. As much as its been a struggle I still don't wanna leave her with nothing.
Thanks for your advice!
I feel like there may be more to this story than mentioned here. No sane people who want to be good parents would live with smoking in the home and drug users coming in and out. And all this for someone you're not even related to?!
You're not 19-year-olds with all the freedom and time to screw up your lives. A 33-year-old man needs to be providing his wife and kid with a safe and stable home as priority #1. His acceptance of all this sounds like he has yet to grow up and take responsibility. If you married him because you're pregnant, please realize in this case it better to leave him behind. Or leave until is ready to be a man and father, and shows you. Not just says he will.
Do you understand that keeping a baby in a place like this will-- not might, but WILL-- get the baby taken from you? People can report you anonymously to Child Protective Services. And frankly, if I saw all this with my own eyes, I'd have reported it yesterday.
If your husband is just fine with this arrangement and wants to stay, then there's no other option but for you to leave. Go to a relative or a best friend. You can't bring a baby home to this. If you have no one to run to, call a local church or any women's shelters. A shelter would be better off than where you are now. Your husband can decide to put his wife and kid first, or not. If he doesn't, you and baby are better off without him.
You know deep down this is a bad situation. This is no place to raise a baby. You can do better than this!
And I agree I do understand the issues that could come along with a baby here which is why I'm so worried to point I drive myself crazy.
And yes I was sane upon coming here but now I'm probably insane!
I became pregnant quickly and unexpectedly after we decided to take this on so it definitely has been challenging considering the damn pandemic and the set backs we've faced just trying to get outta here.
At this point I am considering heading up north with my mother until our apartment is ready. (The landlord is out of town due to covid and won't be returning for a while and we already paid him) so once again a damn waiting game.
This has been the hardest time of my life and I don't condone any of it. I've always had my own place and car and freedom and paid my own bills always but deciding to take on this situation has literally not had the outcome I was expecting.
Thanks for the response !
Not just because of Debbie.
Because of the friends with drugs.
You are exactly right to worry about your health, and your baby's health.
Surprised at your own tolerance for this toxic environment, after you and your baby having been exposed to second hand smoke and drugs for 8-9 months. More surprised at your husband's attitude, not the attitude of a caregiver, or someone with your health and the health of your baby in mind. Maybe you were unaware, or uneducated about drugs?
I am sounding harsh, maybe not understanding. But if you were my daughter, I would pick you up and take you home, or get you an apartment in an instant. Have you shared this with your mother?
Do not hesitate.
Anyone will understand if you just leave now, today. The woman being given care will understand too, I think.
Breanna, you are about to be a Mom. Act now in the best interest of your child. If you do not leave at once, tell the hospital staff why you cannot go home, they can assist you, and have social workers to help.
Do not worry about Debbie. Consider how she has conned you into supporting her lifestyle. There will be others.
Where is your Mom?
Do not debate this with your husband. If he does not agree, you go now, and he may follow.
This pregnancy has been hell here and the worry alone is killing me.
Your right my husband is not a caregiver lol he's a peacemaker and doesn't want to be bothered with her antics and arguments.
I have been exposed to secondhand smoke however drugs never!
I'm not even exactly sure what she does but I know she acts different after her friends are here and I've found pills around the house that look street made maybe.... Idk I'm not a professional nor a nurse.
I spend my days in my room working from home as a customer service rep so I'm pretty much away from all of it but it's getting to be excessive where she interrupts me from work for silly things.
The sad part is we've picked a place and have paid in full and the owner has hauled ass to get outta here due to covid so our money is tied up and we can't move in right away. Everything at this point just feels against me.
My mother lives out of state and knows the situation however she doesn't know about the full extent of the friends and drinking and things.
I don't want her to worry as she's having her own health and life issues.
I want to just walk away and when I can get this owner of our apartment to give us our keys I'll be gone and never look back. But ..... I worry about her upon us leaving. I do still have a heart.
When you are out, do not give her any way of contacting you. Do an address change. After ur out, call APS, tell them you need to get out because of the baby but that you feel the woman is vulnerable. Then don't look back.
You have learned one lesson here, the need to set boundries. Going shopping everyday would not have happened with me. I would have set up a day and "take" her shopping. You are enabling this woman not helping her. At 62 she is capable of still doing for herself but the booze and pills keeps her from doing it.
We have a place lined up and ready however owner is out of town due to covid (we live in the new epicenter) and we can't move right away.
We pay everything in this house and were her 24hr care as well smh.
I just want to make sure she has means to survive as her mobility is horrible. She's 62 but her body is 82.