When my mother asked for her aunts phone number I had to tell her that she died more then 10 years ago. She didn't believe me and started crying. She can't be dead, she said. She cried for a while and then she started asking me questions. Why can't she remember? I told her she had a stroke and it affected her memory and I also told her she had Dementia. I told her it affected her memories of the past.
Did I handle this situation correctly? She's in the stage that she claims family members come into her house and take things also neighbor come to her yard and steal her fruit trees. Any suggestions?
I wouldn't be surprised if she ask you about her aunt again later on, since she will likely forget what you have told her. So we often have to decide if we want to give them news everyday of a loved ones death.
Some people avoid the subject by just saying the loved one is on a trip or in rehab somewhere. And that they can call once they get back home. Of course, they forget this too, so you have to repeat it over and over. But, it prevents the heartbreak they experience if told of the death every time.
It also applies to her understanding of her own condition. Most people, after the early stages are not able to process that they have dementia. And even if they are, they forget, so you have to give them this heartbreaking news over and over. Some caretakers decide not to do that, since it serves no purpose.
Dementia as it progresses does cause an elder to often accuse their loved one(s) of stealing something they've misplaced or lost....my mom accuses me all the time and has gone as far as calling police on me. They know her and know she has dementia now and write up report for investigation but don't do anything with me other than to call me and let me know they are with her to help her locate the article, etc. if I'm at her house visiting, she follows me wherever I go --is distrustful of anyone. It was hard for me and took me 5 yrs to educate myself and not react to silly accusations no matter how hurtful.
Go with it and just say, I love you and would never take your things, let me help you look for it. We do it together otherwise she thinks I hid from her...
This website helped me understand normal behavior and bad behaviors to expect with the disease.
One thing I learned is to not always correct her on details or present....just listen, agree and she easily and calmly moves on. My moms short term memory is shot but her long term memory is fantastic and quite detailed and interesting.
very scary for them they have children.
Are you sure that your brother is having delusions? Is there any way that his suspicions are based on fact? IF not,
I would be concerned with your brother's behavior, because others may not understand what is going on with him and perceive his actions as a threat. He could get hurt by a neighbor or the police if they show up to a complaint call. I'd immediately try to get some help for him.
Does anyone have Durable Power of Attorney or Healthcare POA for him? Is there anyone who can get him to a doctor for diagnosis and treatment for his anxiety? It sounds like he is no longer able to live alone safely. I'd try to figure out where he could live. That might involve getting an assessment to see what level of care he needs.