6 siblings but one is mentally disabled and I am her guardian. Father deceased. Mother needs total care including use of a lift. Two siblings decided without consulting the others to care for mom in-home. The same two siblings have control of mom’s finances and have had her change her will numerous times. They want help from other siblings to care for mom but when asked what mom’s finances are so siblings can help make informed decisions, they refuse to disclose. They also refuse to disclose why they took parent to lawyer again last year. Mother’s memory lasts less than a few minutes. I honestly don’t think abuse or misuse of mom is happening but resent that the two siblings want the rest to be equal in care but refuse to let us be equal in everything else. Now they are extremely angry that I won’t help physically “pull a shift” to take care of mom but I told them their dishonestly and doing things behind my back has driven me away - again. And in home care was their decision. I will help financially and have offered to prepare meals. So much more to situation. The two siblings have hired visiting angels for 9 of the 14 shifts so they do have help. This is using mom’s money. I don’t mind helping mom - once I can get my knee fixed (painful) and don’t have to care for 14 month grandson full time. But the atmosphere is fraught with tension and dishonesty. The two siblings want the decisions to be theirs with others providing only work. They resent the other siblings because we aren’t helping as much - even the sibling that lives over a thousand miles away. One more detail - mom has plenty of investments to provide for her care but not that much cash. The investments are her farm land which the siblings don’t want to sell bc it is being left to them in mom’s will which was changed from dad’s will with mom to sell everything and divide any cash.
Second, if they are POA for Health and $$$, they are to act as Mum wishes, if Mum wants to stay at home, her funds should be used to pay for this, not yours or anyone else's.
Third, nobody has the right to tell you what to do with your time. We see this over and over here, the child that is convinced that Mum or Dad should be kept at home, then complaining that siblings won't pull a shift.
You can sit down with the siblings and Mum and say that you already are guardian for your sister, you have a bad knee and provide care to your grandchild. You need funds for your own retirement and although you are willing to drop off dinner on a schedule set by you, that is the extent of the care you will provide. Be very clear that Mum has assets available to pay for her care.
Now as far as the legal documents go the onus would be on you challenging them in court to prove that Mum was not of sound mind when they were prepared.
As to taking an incompetent Mom to work on a will? That's a no no. As to knowing what the will says, that is no one's business until an elder is done. If you suspect abuse of the elder Mom where the will is concerned you should contact APS. Have documentation of wrong doing ready to give them.
I very much agree with stepping away. However, see to it now that you also save your own money. And see to it that you expect no inheritance, as I doubt very much there will be one.
Give brief respite for some hours when you wish to visit with your Mom, IF you wish to visit.
As to siblings, you cannot change anything they do. You can only change yourself. You have done that and I think it is a good action. Now get on with your own life.
They are in control of finances. Let them figure it out.
Don’t stress over it. They have POA. You don’t, so let it go.
I would say to them that handling the finances is not your responsibility and instruct them not to ask for money.
What’s the old saying, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” If they don’t want to sell the farm and there aren’t any other sources of cash, too bad.
So, let me get this straight. They want you to provide cash, so THEY can keep the farm that is left to THEM in mom’s will?
Oh, H*LL NO! Do yo see the insanity here? They must think that you have ‘sucker’ written on your forehead! Don’t fall for it.
Visit mom as a daughter. They have hired help. You have a legit reason, a beautiful grandchild and a bad knee. Enjoy your grandchild!
Second, does this lawyer know about Dads Will? Because, not sure if Mom can override Dad in her Will. He stipulated that the land was to be sold and Mom split the proceeds and that is what should have been done. Who was Executor? IMO this should have been carried out.
Farm land has been brought up before on the forum. And seems there are things involved in selling it?
My mom still has her house, but I haven't sold it yet because it's continuing to appreciate. Cash is a lot easier to deal with that going through an real estate sale, and your mother will have to pay capital gains taxes on the sale of the land. Those could be significant if your dad died a while ago. Your mother's cost basis will be what the land was worth the day Dad died, so if it's appreciated significantly since then, there could be a LOT of taxes on a sale. If the land is sold after Mom dies, the cost basis for all of you would be what it was worth on her date of death and you'd pay taxes on anything above and beyond that amount.
I assume that farm land is also generating revenue for Mom. It'd be dumb to sell it now.
Also, your siblings may not have the right to sell the farm land. Not all POAs (which I assume at least one is) are given the right to sell property. The person giving a power of attorney can specify what can and can't be done by their POA.
It sounds to be like you're doing a great deal of speculating about things you may or may not know are factual.