My mom is in early stage dementia. She's perfectly happy as long as she has complete, undivided attention from me, especially if we're going out to do fun things. She gets bored easily but can't be distracted or entertained by anything other than complete focus on her. TV, reading, music, even just sitting next to me while I work on a project do NOT work. She cries and feels neglected when I brush my teeth, run to the bathroom, or speak to anyone other than her. Even when left in the care of another loving family member, she either cries or rages until I return. Any suggestions?
You are an adult capable of making your own choices in the matter, but if you are asking us if there's a way to change your Mom then I have to tell you I think it's very unlikely she will change, and much MORE likely that this behavior will increase as she experiences more and more her failures due to aging.
You might speak with her doctor as regards all this and ask about a try at a mild anti- anxiety or mild anti-depressant. That may work with some of the more compulsive behavior, but I think it is a long shot.
I believe, if you are to have any kind of life, placement may be in the future for your Mom, and am just so sorry. If you stay on AC and read you will know you aren't alone.
It will give her something to do and it will give you a break.
She gets upset when you are not available because you are her "safe person" she needs to also begin to rely on another for her needs.
If there are no Adult Day Programs hiring a "companion caregiver" might also help. Introduce the caregiver as a "friend" and gradually let the "friend" do more and more for mom.
You're just going to have to let your mom throw her fits when you're not with her, so you can get out and have a life that doesn't revolve around your mom, as that is not healthy for either of you.
Your mom can't help what she is doing, but you can help with your response to it.
Let mom know that she is safe, and that you're just going to brush your teeth now, or go to the bathroom now, or whatever it is you're about to do.
You cannot be a prisoner in your own home.
Shadowing is usually just a phase that folks with dementia go through so hopefully this will pass sooner than later, but then there will be another phase, so be careful what you wish for.
Do some research on shadowing and dementia, and you will find lots of helpful information.
I wish you well as you take this very difficult journey with your mom.
You genuinely ‘need’ to work out how to handle these unreasonable demands. However you do it, it will result in a hissy fit, blow up, tantrum, faked emergency, etc etc etc. Many posters want to learn how to deal with issues like these, while avoiding the emotional backlash. That isn't possible. I’ll leave it to other posters to take it from there, but giving in to her isn’t a good way to handle it!
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/shadowing-behavior-in-dementia-470434.htm
In the meantime, I just wanted to express sympathy with what you are going through. It sounds like an extremely difficult caregiving scenario to have to try to cope with. As an introvert, I would find it almost unbearable. Thinking of you.