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My mom is in early stage dementia. She's perfectly happy as long as she has complete, undivided attention from me, especially if we're going out to do fun things. She gets bored easily but can't be distracted or entertained by anything other than complete focus on her. TV, reading, music, even just sitting next to me while I work on a project do NOT work. She cries and feels neglected when I brush my teeth, run to the bathroom, or speak to anyone other than her. Even when left in the care of another loving family member, she either cries or rages until I return. Any suggestions?

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Shadowing is a dementia symptom you might want to read about. These type attachments can be difficult to break but are common. Best not to let them form but that’s not much help at the moment. This is stressful for you both. You have to break the cycle. If you know she has had food so she is not hungry, is sleeping well so doesn’t need a nap and is not hurt in anyway, you will have to set limits on your availability and disregard her distress. Calming meds might be helpful so speak to her doctor and plan on taking breaks from her on a regular basis.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/shadowing-behavior-in-dementia-470434.htm
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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Yes what your mom is now doing is called shadowing and only you can break it before it breaks you.
You're just going to have to let your mom throw her fits when you're not with her, so you can get out and have a life that doesn't revolve around your mom, as that is not healthy for either of you.
Your mom can't help what she is doing, but you can help with your response to it.
Let mom know that she is safe, and that you're just going to brush your teeth now, or go to the bathroom now, or whatever it is you're about to do.
You cannot be a prisoner in your own home.
Shadowing is usually just a phase that folks with dementia go through so hopefully this will pass sooner than later, but then there will be another phase, so be careful what you wish for.
Do some research on shadowing and dementia, and you will find lots of helpful information.
I wish you well as you take this very difficult journey with your mom.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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She ‘requires.. undivided attention from you’ should be broken down into her ‘needs’ and her ‘wants’. Clearly this is about wants, not needs. Her life is not in danger if you don’t meet the wants. She may crack a fruity, but that’s about it. Permanent company from YOU is not a ‘need’.

You genuinely ‘need’ to work out how to handle these unreasonable demands. However you do it, it will result in a hissy fit, blow up, tantrum, faked emergency, etc etc etc. Many posters want to learn how to deal with issues like these, while avoiding the emotional backlash. That isn't possible. I’ll leave it to other posters to take it from there, but giving in to her isn’t a good way to handle it!
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Have you looked into an Adult Day program that mom can participate in?
It will give her something to do and it will give you a break.
She gets upset when you are not available because you are her "safe person" she needs to also begin to rely on another for her needs.
If there are no Adult Day Programs hiring a "companion caregiver" might also help. Introduce the caregiver as a "friend" and gradually let the "friend" do more and more for mom.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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It’s late in the US now but I hope you get some responses from caregivers with experience with dementia as a new day begins.

In the meantime, I just wanted to express sympathy with what you are going through. It sounds like an extremely difficult caregiving scenario to have to try to cope with. As an introvert, I would find it almost unbearable. Thinking of you.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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You may want to discuss this with her healthcare provider to see if a low dose of an anti-anxiety medication can help her. It can't be pleasant to be trapped into these needy behaviors by the disease. Meds may help take the edge off.
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Reply to ElizabethY
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My suggestion is that this isn't sustainable. Is it?
You are an adult capable of making your own choices in the matter, but if you are asking us if there's a way to change your Mom then I have to tell you I think it's very unlikely she will change, and much MORE likely that this behavior will increase as she experiences more and more her failures due to aging.

You might speak with her doctor as regards all this and ask about a try at a mild anti- anxiety or mild anti-depressant. That may work with some of the more compulsive behavior, but I think it is a long shot.

I believe, if you are to have any kind of life, placement may be in the future for your Mom, and am just so sorry. If you stay on AC and read you will know you aren't alone.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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dp
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Reply to ElizabethY
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