My 72 year old wife with limited mobility is on dialysis. I suspect early dementia. She has not been diagnosed as such. She is currently in rehab to regain leg strength as we lost the ability to transfer at home due to a recent UTI sepsis infection followed by COVID. I have been her full time caregiver for over a year and am fit enough to handle the task as we have a lift, sliding shower chair, all that stuff. If she progresses to later stages of dementia and is on dialysis...what do you do??? I imagine you can't know till your there. Anyone been there???
This to me is torment. I have declined it. I would go first onto Hospice care, and an ending to a life in which a major system, my kidneys, had failed.
If your wife is unable to make her own decisions only you now can make them for her and only you know what she would have wanted. If she would have wanted to fight to the end for every last breath, then that is what you help her to do. If she would have wanted to skip all these last stages of life heroic measures, then that is what you do for her.
You know her.
This is your decision.
I trust you COMPLETELY to decide for your wife what quality of life is/means, and what she would want.
I am so sorry for this decision now put upon your shoulders, but I would trust my man, who knows me utterly, to make my decision for me.
My heart goes out to you both.
I am so sorry.
Thanks again
He wanted to continue dialysis, but was also very clear about not wanting to be hospitalized again. We had started palliative care which your wife would be eligible for. This is focused on symptom relief, minimizing doctor visits—a practitioner will come to your home who can prescribe medications. I will gladly answer any questions you might have about this.
When my husband started to medically decline earlier this year, there was no push by his providers(or us) to go to the hospital, etc. While you can seek any treatment on palliative care, most people have decided that they don’t want drastic measures taken.
He was able to make the decision to stop dialysis himself, but I was prepared to make it for him if I needed to(he had seen people going in on stretchers and I know he did not want that). From my understanding, death from end stage renal disease after discontinuing dialysis is generally peaceful and it was for us. He lived for 11 more days at home under hospice care.
Choosing to stop dialysis is an absolute right and should not have any stigma associated with it. I’m very sorry that you and your wife are in this difficult situation.