My parents are both now gone. My husband and I lived with and cared for my dad for over 5 years, after my mom passed. He basically begged us to move in. Hindsight? Not the best move but what’s done is done. I had 2 sisters but one died in her 30’s so it’s just me and 1 sister now. We are now trying to fairly divide up the “stuff”. We sold my parents house, she actually bought us out of our half. Which was fine, but then she basically shoved us out in a huge rush in a lousy real estate market, so I’m angry over that. Now she keeps pestering me to come over and go through all the other “stuff”… I want to scream at her “where were you the last 5 years when I was dealing with everything??” Oh yeah, she moved out of state right after my Mom died, and she came twice in 5 years to stay with dad so we could take a vacation. I haven’t even gotten moved into my new house, and to be honest I don’t care at all that she can’t park her car in her garage because of all our parents’ stuff in there! I feel
like I don’t care if I ever see her again, but I know I don’t really think that … somewhere deep down. I’m truly struggling. Then with the stuff - we aren’t seeing eye to eye, and I don’t want to fight over “things” but I find it’s all dredging up years of anger and frustration with her! Maybe I just need to see a counselor?
He sold both FIL's condo and a rental home and pocketed the commissions. But would not allow DH to take his $20 an hour as executor nor pay me to renovate and clean the condo & rental to prepare it for sale. He cleaned out all the 'good stuff' and left me the junk to dispose of. He was always checking my receipts and hassling me over what I was doing, yet he didn't so much as lift a paintbrush to help.
I figured that DH and I were out close to $10K--and I kept quiet about it. But you better believe that MY will has a specific clause in it that ANYONE who does 'work' for our estate will receive the 'going rate'. Executing a will takes so much time and energy. I was not able to work for 6 months--and I had already spent the 6 months prior to FIL's death caring for both him and my dad.
In the end--and it has been 18 years--I am less angry about it, but I do not trust my BIL one iota and when my MIL dies, and this starts up again, I am going to help DH as executor, but will expect the exact same dynamic to occur. Once burned, twice shy.
I 'felt' my feelings, had a couple of angry outbursts to DH who was so exhausted, and then let it go. All this stuff was indeed, just 'stuff' and I could honor my FIL by taking care of his estate as best I could (by helping DH).
Go get it or tell her she can have the rest or call for a donation truck to come get it. She is your sister. Give both of you time to grieve. Let this crap go and forgive her for anything she done to upset you. If you can't forgive, you'd better see a counselor or it will tear you up inside. She done the best she felt she could do as well. You're lucky...i never got 1 vacation in 10 years. I praise your sister. My saying is, when you think you've got it bad, some one else has it worse. Don't scream at her. Time is too short. Ask her out for lunch. I'll just bet you'll see a loving woman that you'll grow closer to and can put all this behind you. What do you have to lose? Good luck and thank your sister for her kindness in helping out so you could have a get away Vacation. Be the better person here. Or not. It's really your choice.
house. You did the really hard stuff for five years. This is completely her job.
Get it done. Don't allow her to drag this out. Get in there, pick out what you want. If she says she wants it, let her have it. When all is done, leave. What is left is up to her to get rid of.
https://www.elderlawanswers.com/six-ideas-for-distributing-an-estates-personal-property-in-a-fair-way--15223
Many years ago, I accompanied a friend to a cleanout session of their deceased parents' apartment. It needed to be done in a hurry because it was a rental and no one in the family had the cash to pay for another month.
I watched these two highly educated, professional women almost come to blows over costume jewelry and other completely worthless stuff. It was so obvious to an outsider that there were childhood ghosts fueling some of the fury.
There is likely an easier way to approach this task, but the "hurts" are getting in the way.