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Been taking care of my parents and pay myself, I did have there permission, but now they can't afford to pay me anymore. They only want to pay me a small amount I really need more to take care of my self. should I walk away
This is something for which you will have to search your soul. If your parents assets are depleting rapidly and you are relying on them for your income it might be time to discuss some form of assisted living. Don't walk away when they need you most. During this period of finding a new life for your parents and yourself, keep your patience and your relationship with your parents open. Good luck on all your futures.
Everyone in this forum has different situations concerning elder care and whether or not they are compensated for it. Some people accept a nominal fee just for "gas money" etc. Others who, welcome their parents into their homes, figure out how much "rent and utilities" to charge, if any. Basically, it is up to your parents to figure out how much they can afford. I would not recommend trying to make your parent's contribution your sole source of income. Looks like they don't have it and may need whatever is left for future care. Do they own a home? If so, are you living in their home? And as stated above, please do not step away from caring for your parents because they can no longer afford to pay you. At the very least, insure that they have care in place, or can go to an ALF where there are many services. To answer your question: No, it is not elder abuse to be compensated to care for your parents as long as the compensation does not exceed what they would give paid caregivers in your area and you have their written permission. However, leaving your parents high and dry could be. good luck.
I don't understand getting paid to care for your parents. If they took care of you and paid your way as you were growing up, then paying yourself is ridiculous. My sister-in-law pays herself $700/mo from my mom's checking account. She and my brother stop by to see my mom at her assisted living facility once a week -- on Sundays. Sis-in-law used to do mom's laundry and buy depends as that was less expensive than having the facility do either. But, $700/mo for that??? I understand getting reimbursed for purchases, but I can't comprehend paying yourself for a once-a-week visit for 15-20 minutes. I love my brother, but my sister-in-law is very domineering and would fly into a rage if I questioned her motives. We live in a different state, so I feel helpless and I don't want to cause a rift with my brother. I think paying yourself to take care of your parents or a parent is disgusting and may very well be elder abuse in a financial form.
Yes. You have to have an income, benefits, healthcare, etc. IF they can't afford help then they can use what funds and supplements, eligibility they do have to seek care or residence elsewhere. This is a business decision not a family abandonment. You can't wake up 10 yrs from now when they pass and realize you've donated your prime working years and potential income with nothing left to support you in your senior years or retirement. Sorry, it sounds harsh, but these are the very reasons for having a Formal employment contrAct and planB for when things aren't working out or situation changes.
I'm not talking about a full-time commitment here. I'm talking paying yourself $700/mo for 15-20 minutes a week of visiting a parent. That's hardly donating prime working years and potential income when it only takes place on Sundays. If one wakes up 10 years from now regretting that, then there are definitely other issues at play here. This is not caring for a parent in your or her home. This is visiting a parent who is residing in an assisted living facility being paid for out of her own accounts. Your answer sounds harsh because it is! I'm glad I didn't grow up in your family!
I'm advocating for those who care for elder full time. If someone is expected to travel frequently to help parent because they don't want strangers coming in, or they won't spend money on lawn care, repairs, etc...then yes, there should be compensation for expenses and time especially when other sibs aren't equally pitching in time or expense. I'm not talking about little favors, family visits, or time one elects to spend with their parent really visiting. But I know many who didn't grow up in a loving giving home and then parents have made no provisions other than to "expect that family should pay them back" for raising them. I wholly disagree on that one.
I am wondering if the $700 a month is an attempt to claim inheritance money that the ALF will take anyway? Medicaid will pay after all her money is used up, It is completely unfair for your brother to drain off money and for you to be getting nothing. I'd ask sil and brother if they are claiming the $700 a month on their taxes or are they counting that money as "gift" money which is tax free up to $14,000 per person a year? If they are claiming it as a gift, then you are really doing yourself a disservice to not demand the same amount for yourself. It sounds like they are trying to beat the system and unless you get this cleared up, I think the bad feelings will escalate, as well they should. Without knowing all the facts, it looks to me like your brother is getting his inheritance while leaving you out in the cold.
My SIL is writing annual checks from my mom's account "gifting" my brother and I each the $14,000/year. But, my brother has been "loaning" himself money from my mom's accounts to cover his business debts. They wouldn't tell me what the balances are in my mom's accounts, but I inadvertently found out what two of the account balances are when I opened a checking account at the same bank. There's still another account -- at least one -- that I have no clue as to the balance. The $700/mo my SIL is taking is, in her words, paying her for her time as a caregiver. In my mind, she is not doing anything other than going with my brother on their weekly visits to see my mom. I wish I lived in the same state as my mom because I know my wife and I would be doing much more for my mom than just going for weekly visits. But, that's just our personality types vs. my SIL's non-nurturing style. I don't know what they claim on their taxes other than interest earned from the accounts.
I think they are depleting her accounts so that there's still money available from the funds gifted to us to help her stay in the facility she's at now. They don't take Medicaid so she'd have to move to a place where they do accept it when she runs out of money -- sadly, a much lower quality facility. Medicaid won't help her unless she's totally broke. Great system, eh?
yahu, gifting about $36,400/per year "so that there's still money available from the funds gifted to us to help her stay in the facility she's at now" - I'm lost. If the concern is keeping her in the same place as long as possible, why not leave the money in her accounts? Sadly, when folks divvy up inheritance before Medicaid, it's the parent who has to deal with the Medicaid penalty.
I don't get the logic either. But, it's out of my hands as my brother and his wife hold power of attorney over my mom's medical and financial affairs. Should something happen to them, then POA falls to me since I'm the younger sib..
Can someone explain to me the anger over Medicaid? I see on here time and again where people appear to be angry that Medicaid does not kick in until parents money is completely depleted. Once Medicaid does kick in, don't they continue paying until the end? Why should taxpayer money be paid before their own money is depleted? So that there is money left for their kids to inherit?
Yahu855, any "gift" money within 5 years of parents needing Medicaid will DISQUALIFY them for an amount of time equal.to the total "gifts".....in other words, if $100,000 was "gifted" then NO Medicaid will be available to your parents for as many months as it would take to pay for $100,000 of average nursing home in your area. If the poa is"gifting" this money to you, better keep it in a safe place, in case they are disqualified for Medicaid, and someone (you & sister) will need to pay all that "gift" money right back. The $700 a month may allowed if your parents signed a contract to pay them for overseeing their care--much like a professional Geriatric Care Manager who charge $80/hour. Even if you only are aware of the weekly Sunday visits, I would be pretty sure your sister is doing many many hours of "hidden" work like making phone calls for doctor appts, driving them to doctor, shopping for them, managing their investments, attending facility care planning meetings, etc. $700 isn't that much if a GCM were billing. But sister definitely should stop all that "gifting"--it's only going to come back to bite!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I would not recommend trying to make your parent's contribution your sole source of income. Looks like they don't have it and may need whatever is left for future care. Do they own a home? If so, are you living in their home?
And as stated above, please do not step away from caring for your parents because they can no longer afford to pay you. At the very least, insure that they have care in place, or can go to an ALF where there are many services.
To answer your question: No, it is not elder abuse to be compensated to care for your parents as long as the compensation does not exceed what they would give paid caregivers in your area and you have their written permission. However, leaving your parents high and dry could be.
good luck.
Sorry, it sounds harsh, but these are the very reasons for having a Formal employment contrAct and planB for when things aren't working out or situation changes.
I'm not talking about little favors, family visits, or time one elects to spend with their parent really visiting. But I know many who didn't grow up in a loving giving home and then parents have made no provisions other than to "expect that family should pay them back" for raising them. I wholly disagree on that one.
I wish I lived in the same state as my mom because I know my wife and I would be doing much more for my mom than just going for weekly visits. But, that's just our personality types vs. my SIL's non-nurturing style.
I don't know what they claim on their taxes other than interest earned from the accounts.
So that there is money left for their kids to inherit?
may allowed if your parents signed a contract to pay them for overseeing their care--much like a professional Geriatric Care Manager who charge $80/hour. Even if you only are aware of the weekly Sunday visits, I would be pretty sure your sister is doing many many hours of "hidden" work like making phone calls for doctor appts, driving them to doctor, shopping for them, managing their investments, attending facility care planning meetings, etc. $700 isn't that much if a GCM were billing. But sister definitely should stop all that "gifting"--it's only going to come back to bite!