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I'm so tired that I get upset with her. We've ruled out anything medical and tried so many things......from white noise, not drinking anything starting in the early afternoon, staying up later, going to bed earlier, eating less, eating more, melatonin/natural sleep aid, different types of bedding (everything cotton), excerising each time we get up, not talking at all, just going to the bathroom and getting back in bed, I'm out of ideas and I'm exhausted all of the time. She broke her hip about 3 months ago and has recovered so well, but this night time thing is awful for her, and for me. I hate to admit it but the lack of sleep is making me impatient with my Mom, whom I love so very much. She lives with me and is a wonderful lady...such a great attitude and so postiive 99 percent of the time. I feel like such a rotten daughter for not just dealing with this 'one' thing, when everything else is so good. I want to stop being impatient at night when we have to get up, so I go into another room and cry and then come back and lay down to try to get some sleep. Tonight I'm writing this note to see if anyone has any other ideas or things that you've tried that may work for us. Oh, and Mom is 94 and has short term memory dementia. Prior to her fall and broken hip, she stayed in her own room so I have no idea if she was getting up so many times during the night before. I guess I feel even worse because there are so many other people out there with such worse situations than me, that I should be happy that we have it so good.

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Please don't feel guilty. You are under incredible stress from lack of sleep. Your mom's short term memory issues may be dementia of the Alzheimer's type and the trauma of a broken hip and subsequent hospitalization may have pushed her dementia farther down the road. This is a documented issue with hospitalized elders, especially those with AD.
Your mom is remarkable to have recovered this well from a broken hip at her age. Statistics about this would make a complete, long term recover quite rare.
First of all, of course, you need to talk to her doctor about this, and you should also discuss your health with your doctor. You can't keep this up. If her doctor has no better ideas, it's entirely possible that, even though you won't want to hear this, for both of you it may be time for a good nursing home where they have staff shifts who can deal with this. You are placing too much on yourself, and this will affect your ability to be a good caregiver, to say nothing of putting your own health at risk.
Who will be there for your mother if you go down? If she is in a good facility (assuming the doctor has no better suggestion), you will still be there for her as a caregiver and her advocate. Please take care of yourself. She would feel horrible if her situation damaged your health irreparably.
Take care,
Carol
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I am really new to this site but have been caring for my grandfather-in-law for the last 5 years off and on but the last 2 years continuously. We had the same problem except we have a 4 year old that without fail he would wake up every single night when he made his rounds. After a few weeks the lack of sleep got to me as well! I tracked the extended potty breaks to 2 things. The first problem was that after he went to the bathroom he wasnt able to go back to sleep because there was nothing going on at 2AM. I went to Walmart and bought some glow in the dark stars that simply stick to the ceiling. I put a few around his room and a few on his ceiling fan. Now when he lays back down he can watch them until he falls back to sleep. (I did the same thing with my daughter) The second reason was he wanted to check on all of us and make sure we were breathing and havent left (which we have never done) in the middle of the night. My solution for that was a baby monitor. I put one in his room and one in ours. I told him that our end was a mic and his was just a speaker so that if anyone got up or if there was a problem he would hear it. The catch is that I never turned our end on. As long as the green light is on in his room he thinks he is able to hear everything that goes on. Then he doesnt worry about us. The monitors dont actually have to work so you could probably find a set on craigslist or worst case scenario they are like $15 new for the cheapest ones!
I know its a little dishonest but I needed sleep! We are going on month 2 of not waking up in the middle of the night!
Hope it helps!
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Thanks Carol. I do appreciate the thoughts and the support. You are right, I don't want to hear about moving Mom anywhere. She is such a joy in all of our family's lives that I would not even consider it at this point. She has had the dementia for over 7 years now and it has not gotten much worse than when it started. (due to low blood flow to her brain prior to a pace maker) She still crochets and plays pinocle (cards) with us and goes to bingo and bible study, etc. That's why I feel so bad.......she is wonderful and so easy going and fun to have around......it's just the sleeping thing. I wish I knew how to even slow it down to a couple of times per night. I will keep trying! Thanks again for responding back to me. It means alot to know that there are people that care enough about us to help out and support!! Hugs and God Bless!!
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Maybe hire a night nurse? And you sleep in your own room. Cheaper than a nursinng home and you can still keep her at home. If your like me, I want to keep my mom near as long as I can take it. My health is declining from stress, but I'm going to hang on.
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I'd suggest getting a portable potty that you can set next to her bed. She won't have to go far to get to it so maybe she can do it herself.
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Don't minimize this, KJSpradlin. It is not "just" a getting up at night issue. That is often the critical factor that tips the decision to out-of-home placement. Sleep deprivation is, after all, used as a torture device. It is not trvial or unimportant.

Bringing in night help is one good idea for keeping Mom home. You HAVE to sleep. Get someone else in who can stay up reading or knitting and help Mom when she needs it. Get a bedside commode. Would Mom be able to handle it without your help?

But the best solution would be for Mom to sleep through the night, too. Could you convince her to wear Depends at night. If she has the urge but doesn't really produce much volume (losts of false alarms) maybe not getting up would work. But I would go back to the doctor with facts in hand. The list with when she got up, how long she stayed up, what she did. And a clear summary of what this is doing to you. If the doctor understands that solving this is what is going to allow you to keep Mom at home, and that that is very important to both of you, he or she may be able to get a little more creative in the solution.

Good luck!
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I completely agree with the other answers, but also wanted to point out that it is possible to hire help to come into your home during the night to help with just this sort of thing. That way, mom can stay home- and you can get the much needed rest you deserve. The caregiver can assist your mother to the restroom, help if she falls and also help with the morning routine. Use an agency and get referrals! Good luck and take care.
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My mother was getting up 3 and 2 times every night because she felt like she needed to eat. We found she was taking her thyroid medicine in the morning before she ate so it wasn’t working.

The medicine needed to be taken 1hr before or 1 hr after she ate. We started giving it to her before bed and she now only gets up once in a while to go to the bathroom.
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None of us are very patient when we're tired and sleep deprived, so please don't feel that you are anything less than a wonderful and giving daughter just because you feel impatient when getting woken up at night. Problems with sleep happen to so many people with dementia and not being able to find a quick solution doesn't mean you are lacking as a daughter or caregiver in any way.

The already suggested idea of a bedside commode might be helpful, and wearing depends at night. She may still be in the habit of wanting to get up though so who knows if they'll work. Definitely talk with the doctor. Sleeping medications can be really tricky with dementia because you don't want her too sedated or unsteady, but sometimes they'll give people low dose antidepressants that have a mild sedating affect...at least worth a conversation with the MD. It sounds like you're worried about your mom falling again and that's why you're in the same room as her, but maybe that's not in your best interest. Maybe ask the MD for a physical therapy consult about how to make the bedroom safer for her to get up on her own. Keeping her awake and preventing napping during the day may help too. But maybe add in some naps for you!

Unfortunately there's never an easy quick one-size-fits-all solution but it's great that you asked the group here because so many go through this and you can get lots of good ideas. Good luck!
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Don't get up with her. Go out and purchase Overnight Diapers for adults. They hold a lot of water. Put one on her before she goes to sleep. Leave one or two next to her bed. In the morning, change her diaper, just as you would a baby.
Inaddition, please make sure that there is a bedside commode next to her. She may never use it, but it's there. Medicare will provide this.
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There is some bladder control medicine but i'm not sure that stopping her natural physical needs is the best thing for her. The fact remains however that sleep depravation will make you crazy...i know. So check with her doctor about the bladder control medicine and best wishes to you.
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I agree with Carol - you must take care of yourself. I undestand as my sister and I take care of our 90 year mother and she does the same thing. She broke he hip last year and has gone down hill fast. But she still lives with us and we are not in the best of health either but we can afford to put her in a home so we do the best that we can. You are in my prayers and remembe that you are not alone out there.
Take care
Faye
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Perhaps one last thing to try!

Regular exposure to bright light at an early-morning hour may help shift the sleep-wake rhythm and exposure to bright light for 30 to 60 minutes in the evening may be beneficial in reinforcing the circadian rhythm.
In sunny climates, outdoor bright light exposure may work just as well.
Minimizing the amount of light in the bedroom also may help.
(Her doctor should review all drugs that your mom is taking to check whether any may induce photosensitivity and to determine whether there are any other disorders that may be exacerbated by light therapy)


Researchers at the Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience reviewed the benefits of melatonin and the effect of environmental light in elderly with dementia. In this study, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, melatonin did help with sleep but increased withdrawn dementia-related behavior. The results improved when given in combination with a bright light environment.
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Any trauma to the elderly will make them more confused, agitated and combative. Sometimes the simple things are those that work the best. As suggested by others in this post, discuss with her physician her current medications and any dietary supplements that you might be giving her. I just recently learned that the Vitamin B supplement I was giving my parent (while helping with increased focus and energy) also aids in constipation. We just went through this and so before changing any medication or adding anything, check first with Mom's doctor. I, like you have my elderly parent with me. I can hear him going to the bathroom 3-4 times a day. It is only when I hear something out of the ordinary (like maybe the shower beginning to run or occasionally the confusion will be that days and nights are confused and so I find my parent dressed downstairs ready to face the day when it is actually 2:00 or 3:00 am. Tired myself, I calmly tell them that it is not the daytime but night and it is time for sleep. I like the idea of something on the ceiling. Lying in the dark for the elderly is I'm sure not the same for those of us whose life has been a bussle of activity all day. They dwell and fixate on the smallest of things, and therefore it keeps them awake. I know your mom is in her 90's and with all due respect to the expert, I agree with you that you nor mom is ready for her to move out "just yet". Try some things like a warm bath before bedtime, or maybe just sit at the edge of her bed pampering her for a few minutes talking about your day (or hers) while rubbing lotion on her arms and legs, or a nice massage. I know we all need pampered once in a while. The point I am trying to make is to try to remove all distractions from her. The bedtime routine (even for a young child) is not one that is like ours. Remember, we have been busy all day with our minds going in all different directions. The elderly only have time for what used to be. Even doing the needlepoint or crocheting you mentioned - while relaxing, it still allows her mind to think about all kinds of things that you may not even be thinking she's thinking about. The goal is to get her mind free from all of the other interruptions of the day. I know if I spend even just 15 minutes before bedtime just talking about my day (and Dad's), it allows for a better night sleep for us both. During those moments of frustration for yourself, allow yourself a few moments alone before you jump right in. Breathe in deeply and exhale the same. Don't ever begin to judge yourself too harshly. Leave that up to our God :) You are doing a wonderful thing taking care of your mother. It is not easy. All of us on this site know that!! I will send positive thoughts your way and keep in you in my prayers. Let us know how things are going. Stay well.
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Talk with your doctor about a medication that could assist her in sleeping better at night, aside from you being exhausted, the lack of sleep on her part will drag her down, and probably only heighten everything to do with her AD. Trazadone is often used, sometimes Ativan....maybe she is paranoid about having to use the bathroom, and so makes several trips thinking it's been awhile? Just a thought, sometimes those interventions are necessary. Good luck! :)
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what about hiring someone to take care of her only at night? I have heard of this from friends because they were in the same situations. Then you could get your sleep to deal with the other issues during the day.
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Have you talked to your mom about how hard it is on you? Discuss with her that it is time that she wear pullups of some sort so that she will not mess her bed if she doesn't get up. With the dementia your mom will feel like she has to go at night or she will wet the bed and may feel this would make you angry. I am sure she produces urine each time so you are thinking well she actually does have to go, but if you yourself would sit on the toilet at any time you will produce urine even if you don't "feel" like you have to go because your brain is still communicating "properly" with your bladder. Also there is the diginity factor of wetting ones self. Discuss with your mom that you need to have her wear the protective under garments and then tell her that you are going to experiment with letting her stay in bed longer each time she "thinks" she has to go until the times get farther and farther apart and she sees that she can actually go the night without getting up. My mom was the same way and this little "trick" worked. She found that if she couldn't hold it then she had the added knowledge that she wouldn't make a mess in her bed and it gave her some peace of mind knowing she could actually stay in bed. Hope this works for you
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I too have went thru this. For me this phase lasted eight LONG months. I too tried everything under the sun. A bedside commode worked well. But my mothers problem was wandering more than anything. So I had to get the mindset that I needed to treat this situation like she was a toddler. Baby gates, monitor, chain locks etc... I eliminated everything in her room that she could get hurt. Locked up everything in her closet. Leaving her a bed, potty and a small night stand. At night I would secure her in her room. My room was right beside hers and with the baby monitor I could hear everything. So when I did hear movement I didn't have to jump out of bed. Listening to the monitor I could hear her moving around in there and with in 10 mins or so I would hear her get back into bed. I know for me and my mother, if i acknowledged her being awake at night she would get up and down more often. Attention, I guess she was seeking. But once I did the monitor and only attended to her when neccessary. She no longer got up as much. I still was up and down at night checking on her but for me I felt I was controlling the situation not her. Yes, I was still tired but not so frustrated with mom. But like all things Dementia related this passed eventually. I would have loved to have night help. But $ was a big factor. So I struggled thru this alone. If your mom naps during day don't fight her about it. Go layed down and rest. I learned that fighting someone to stay awake often backfires.
You got good suggestions from others, Hopefully you find some SLEEP!!!
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I want to thank all of you that have given me ideas, thoughts and well wishes. It is so good to know that this site is here and that there are so many people that care and that have such great insights.
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Sounds like you have everything possible, K.J. I went through the same thing with my dear mother. One thing you might try is putting a potty chair by her bed if she is able to lift herself on to it. Also taking Tylenol or other pain reliever at bedtime might help. (I have had both hips replaced and understand the discomfort). If all else fails, hire a sitter to come at night so you can get some rest. My mother chose to go to a personal care home that had eight other residents. I didn't want her to go, but she got good care and I was able to recover my strenght. I went every day after work to visit her and make sure all was o.k. You cannot help your mom if your body and spirit is broken down from no sleep. May God give you wisdom as you care for your precious mother. L. Hill
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I make Head to Toe warmer/coolers and they used to help my mom when she was at her home. (Fill a 24" sock or make a muslin bag and fill it with jasmine scented long grain rice.with a little bag made of flannel tucked inside-- filled with lavendar & cloves). Cover it with an outer covering of flannel material which is soft. Put it in the microwave for no longer than 2-3 minutes and let your mom snuggle with it. On warm summer nights, place the above in a ziploc bag for 30 min. and let her snuggle with it at night for coolness. For some of my occasional migraines I use both--one on my forehead (cool) and one around my neck (warm). They truly do help our family have a better sleep. I hope you find what works for both of you. I'm sure you have tried a little warm milk w/cinnamon n honey an hour before she goes to sleep. Another thing that helps me: Thank the Lord for the blessings of the day and read some psalms or a nice evening devotional before going to sleep.Please keep us updated!
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Thanks Hopeful! These are wonderful ideas to try and no, I haven't done the milk/cinnamon/honey. I think I'll try one of these too!! :)
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Hi KJ ... when my mom first came to live with us (1 1/2 yrs ago), she also got up every hour during the night. I know that exhaustion, impatience, and guilt very well. She did not have a clock on her night stand and kept insisting that she didn't need one. One day while shopping, I bought her a big alarm clock with big numbers. Since the day I put it on her nightstand, she stopped that hourly thing at night. Now, she just gets up once during the night or not at all. I think she looks at the clock when she awakes and goes right back to sleep when she realizes it is still the middle of the night. This was an easy fix for us (Thank God), but if your mom doesn't have a clock she can see, maybe try it. I'll keep you in my prayers ... lack of sleep is so hard on you, and if nothing you try helps, it may be time to think about other arrangements. Lack of sleep and then the stress of caregiving all day will absolutely ruin your health. We all need our rest to be able to get through the day.
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If your mother gets up every hour or 2 she might be suffering from incontinence. There are certain drugs your doctor can prescribes to reduce the urge of going to the bathroom so often. Also limit her intake of fluids before bed. YW
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Hi there, I also went thru this with my mom who lives with me. She got up so many times and its drove me crazy after her broken hip and they think maybe from the catheter, never knew. Then, I went thru it with her again about a year later and it lasted almost a year. I will tell you what I did. I begged the doctor to treat my Mom for an UTI even thou the urine culture was negative, it helped off and on. Also, I have her door cut in half with a hook lock on the outside. She got up, stood there and said "hi" and went back to bed at least 15 times a night. (kind of like a Mr Ed door if you remember that show, I can see her from my bed)
3rd, she went on depakote and it relaxed her brain and she started sleeping.
(Have you listened to her, do you hear her pee?) My Mom also wen thru a stage where she dropped her pants and peed all over the floor many times!! I had to make her pajamas she couldnt get off! I think your Moms is probably just aggitation from the dementia but try them all , one WILL work!! I have to tell you, I sometimes didnt sleep more then 2 hours a night , my cna came, and I still went to work. When someone else at work told me they were tired I felt like slugging them! LOL What you are going thru is horrible, but it will end and My Mom also is/was a great Mom so I put up with it. She now sleeps 12 hours a night on depakote and she doesnt have any attitude outbursts. Hang in there, you're a fabulous daughter!
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Hi there my name is Rose, and I lost my Daddy 5 Months ago after a long battle with Dementia. I understand fully what you mean about not being able to sleep at night, because I went through the same exact thing. I was my Father's Primary care taker and the major problem for me was him not sleeping at night. A Nurse suggested that I give him every night a Benadryl taken with an Ibuprofen, and it worked. Even though I didnt like medicating my Father that way but it was the other way the both of us got any sleep. I would be so tired until it made it almost impossible for me to work and be productive at work. I understand when you stated that your mood had changed but all of that is a result of you're not getting any rest. Try the Benadryl and Ibuprofen and good luck.
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27 answers so far, but I don't think anyone mentioned insomnia as one of the most common side effects of prescription drugs. Is that a possibilty in this case?
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Sleep apnea was the reason for my frequent night time urination - it was awful. Not sure if this might be affecting your mom but it might be worth checking out. CPAP treatment can cut down or eliminate the frequent trips to the washroom. All the best.
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Thanks again everyone for your great suggestions and for sharing your experiences. I'm very grateful and will be exploring several of these ideas. I know that there is sleep in my future and will let you know how it goes. Please keep the ideas coming!! You guys are the best and it's so nice to know that we can learn from and share with each other. KJ
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