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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My Mom with Alz did the same thing esp the "help me, help me" For a time there was top of the lungs "Murder! Murder!" going on and always in the early morning hours.
Perhaps these negatives like "no no" and "Lord help me" are born of fear of her situation. Whether she is conciously aware of her mental deterioration, her subconcious may well be, and her pleas for help may be like those we may experience in a dream and have no control over. I've had dreams like that.
We tried several tactics with Mom.
SOOTHING Regular "soothing" sometimes worked. "Its OK, Mom. We are here. You are in your home with your family and no one is going to harm you". Often I had to repeat this many times, coupled with hugs and kisses. Sometimes I marched everyone into the room and we all hugged and kissed and reassured.
DISTRACTION. Distraction was the most successful. After the family all tromps in the room have sing "Take me out to the Ball Game" or do something else totally random and silly and happy. If you are all alone in caretaking - and I usually was - it was harder. I would put on Opera or Rock and Roll and act out the song, or dance to it - whatever it took. Also reading - Mom after a time became extremely frightened to hear me read to her from the Bible - she would cover her head with her covers! So I grabbed a novel and read from that - doing voices and staying very upbeat. The last time I heard my mother laugh was on Sept 11 (Mom died on Sept 17) when I was reading aloud from Harry Potter.
ENVIRONMENT make sure her surroundings aren't making her fearful. There is a lot of information out there on specifics but I can tell you what worked for us.
We got rid of the overhead fan - it scared her - guess she was afraid it would fall on her. We added a "sunlight" lamp for over her bed. (I have one at my desk also, they are meant to help alleviate seasonal depression). All the lighting in her room was the 'bright white' - not the yellow. Heck with the electic bill. We kept her room bright during the daytime. I thumbtacked happy posters and pictures up. Sunflowers, kittens, etc. We kept the old family photos up as well, but sometimes i thought I should remove those. (Looking at family long dead can be a downer) At 'bedtime' her room went lights out completely. This worked better for Mom than a nightlight or having the bath light on, which made shadows. Nothing to see in the dark. This really helped with her sleeping through the night.
-- Even with advanced Alz Mom retained remnants of her "holiness church" upbringing, and would often raise her arms and sway. For a time I had the 100 Best Loved Hymns going most of the time, and she liked that. She also liked "beach music" and I have videos of her 'dancing' in her bed.
The thing with Alz is the progression can be so subtle we don't see all the changes - so 'mixing it up' every so often may be necessary if what you have been doing no longer works.
Don't be afraid to be a little bit 'undignified'. I think sometimes we keep the elderly and infirm in too much of a quiet, respectful, 'you can hear the clock ticking' setting - when they might prefer just the opposite. (I know I would).
Anyway - thats my 2 cents. Best of everything to you.
Gracie, look up the article on this site called "Is Alzheimer's Behavior the Patient’s Problem…or the Caregiver's?" I think that is an insightful message and that it helps to sort problem behaviors into whether it is a problem for for the patient or for you.
It sounds like mariesmom was a problem for the patient. She was worried or distressed and repeated frightened or pleading phrases. Mariesmom gives some excellent advice about that situation.
If your mom is truly saying nonsense phrases ("Mary had a little lamb," or "elephants and pigs") and they don't distress her, then they aren't a problem for her. Understandably they may be a huge problem for you and you may fear for your sanity, but it may help to realize that you don't need to do anything for your mom's sake. Tune her out. Listen to music on earphones. Nod and smile. Do what you can to protect yourself. Make up a little song with the nonsense phrase and dance around the room with Mom once in a while. What mariesmom says about distraction can be helpful in your situation, too.
Until I read that brief article here, I hadn't thought about figuring out for whom I needed to address the weird behavior. It was a relief to realize that if the behavior wasn't bothering my loved one sometimes the easiest thing was just to accept it.
Unfortunately, the repetition is part of the disease....with Ruth I would try distractions, 'what time is it', 'who is coming to pick us up', over and over for hours, so the distraction was for me, to keep my sanity..... both previous answers are excellant..... try to keep sane, hugs to you...
My sig. other makes weird noises like a quacking duck or sometimes a screech and then sometimes he whistles nursery rhymes like "the farmer in the dell". These go on over and over but asking him to stop doesn't work because he forgets the request in a minutes and he starts over again. Sooo, I have learned to shut it out and live with it. I say, "it could be worse" like cuss words!! He doesn't seem to be bothered so why should I.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My Mom with Alz did the same thing esp the "help me, help me" For a time there was top of the lungs "Murder! Murder!" going on and always in the early morning hours.
Perhaps these negatives like "no no" and "Lord help me" are born of fear of her situation. Whether she is conciously aware of her mental deterioration, her subconcious may well be, and her pleas for help may be like those we may experience in a dream and have no control over. I've had dreams like that.
We tried several tactics with Mom.
SOOTHING Regular "soothing" sometimes worked. "Its OK, Mom. We are here. You are in your home with your family and no one is going to harm you". Often I had to repeat this many times, coupled with hugs and kisses. Sometimes I marched everyone into the room and we all hugged and kissed and reassured.
DISTRACTION. Distraction was the most successful. After the family all tromps in the room have sing "Take me out to the Ball Game" or do something else totally random and silly and happy. If you are all alone in caretaking - and I usually was - it was harder. I would put on Opera or Rock and Roll and act out the song, or dance to it - whatever it took. Also reading - Mom after a time became extremely frightened to hear me read to her from the Bible - she would cover her head with her covers! So I grabbed a novel and read from that - doing voices and staying very upbeat. The last time I heard my mother laugh was on Sept 11 (Mom died on Sept 17) when I was reading aloud from Harry Potter.
ENVIRONMENT make sure her surroundings aren't making her fearful. There is a lot of information out there on specifics but I can tell you what worked for us.
We got rid of the overhead fan - it scared her - guess she was afraid it would fall on her.
We added a "sunlight" lamp for over her bed. (I have one at my desk also, they are meant to help alleviate seasonal depression). All the lighting in her room was the 'bright white' - not the yellow. Heck with the electic bill. We kept her room bright during the daytime.
I thumbtacked happy posters and pictures up. Sunflowers, kittens, etc. We kept the old family photos up as well, but sometimes i thought I should remove those. (Looking at family long dead can be a downer)
At 'bedtime' her room went lights out completely. This worked better for Mom than a nightlight or having the bath light on, which made shadows. Nothing to see in the dark. This really helped with her sleeping through the night.
--
Even with advanced Alz Mom retained remnants of her "holiness church" upbringing, and would often raise her arms and sway. For a time I had the 100 Best Loved Hymns going most of the time, and she liked that. She also liked "beach music" and I have videos of her 'dancing' in her bed.
The thing with Alz is the progression can be so subtle we don't see all the changes - so 'mixing it up' every so often may be necessary if what you have been doing no longer works.
Don't be afraid to be a little bit 'undignified'. I think sometimes we keep the elderly and infirm in too much of a quiet, respectful, 'you can hear the clock ticking' setting - when they might prefer just the opposite. (I know I would).
Anyway - thats my 2 cents. Best of everything to you.
It sounds like mariesmom was a problem for the patient. She was worried or distressed and repeated frightened or pleading phrases. Mariesmom gives some excellent advice about that situation.
If your mom is truly saying nonsense phrases ("Mary had a little lamb," or "elephants and pigs") and they don't distress her, then they aren't a problem for her. Understandably they may be a huge problem for you and you may fear for your sanity, but it may help to realize that you don't need to do anything for your mom's sake. Tune her out. Listen to music on earphones. Nod and smile. Do what you can to protect yourself. Make up a little song with the nonsense phrase and dance around the room with Mom once in a while. What mariesmom says about distraction can be helpful in your situation, too.
Until I read that brief article here, I hadn't thought about figuring out for whom I needed to address the weird behavior. It was a relief to realize that if the behavior wasn't bothering my loved one sometimes the easiest thing was just to accept it.
Best of luck to you.