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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I tell myself that every single day. However, the fact that life didn't go as we planned doesn't mean all we worked for in our life is gone. Life experiences are of immense value, and material things are just that -- things. Once your dad dies, everything he worked for would be gone, too, if that's what he's talking about.
I recommend helping your dad write down his memoirs. My dad did that a few years ago to prepare for a 10-minute presentation at his men's breakfast club, and it turned into an amazing document as he tweaked it and added to it over about a two-year period. It isn't any kind of organized, but instead is just little tidbits of things he remembered, like where he was when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor (11 years old and selling peanuts at a baseball game), driving his car from Los Angeles to San Francisco with no brakes(!), and dancing with Keely Smith when she pulled him up on stage at a Louis Prima show.
I know that when he was writing it, he really found clarity in the value of the life he lived and what he'd accomplished. Nothing he wrote about was related to the things he'd acquired but rather was about the experiences he acquired. He became a fairly wealthy man and fortunately left my mother well off and able to afford her nursing home expenses, but he never mentioned that.
Perhaps if your dad was set to working on a similar memoir he'd come to the realization that he has lost nothing and gained much.
A friend's Mother has been in AL for a couple of years now. She said the first six months she dwelled on the things she had lost: driving, her local church, local friends, her house.
But after that she realised what she had gained: meals provided, a smaller space she could keep tidy herself, freedom from expensive house repairs & garden garden maintenance. Those things were all getting so much (especially roof repairs had been really worrying her). Lost her car but also the cost of registration & insurance. She paid for an occasional taxi instead. Gained new craft & church groups.
It was not a bed of roses now, but she had adjusted. Had accepted it was time for the next chapter.
Sometimes a few sessions of counselling with a psychologist can help with this transition.
What our folks don't realize is THIS is precisely what they DID save for! To be able to live in a relatively luxurious environment in their old age where they can be taken care of by teams of care givers who work 24/7, by chefs who create 3 meals a day for them, by activity directors who spend hours creating programs to keep them entertained, etc. Most people don't have that luxury in their old age, and wind up being forced to live with no care at all, or reliant on their children to do everything for them so what little they DO have can be 'bequeathed' to their children once they die. Which makes NO sense to me at all.
My mother is spending the money she earned and that was matched with profit sharing during her short lived career in retail to finance her VERY long stay (since 2014) in Assisted Living and now Memory Care. She's getting a wonderful level of care in her ALF by a team of people who truly DO care for and about her.
Your father should be thankful he has the means to be living where he is. But of course, in reality, the elderly are rarely thankful for much of anything they have. Gratitude is in very short order for them, especially where my own mother is concerned.
If your father is depressed (sounds possible), a small trial of a carefully chosen medication may be a big help. If the AL where he is living has connection with a psychiatric practice, try that. Some talk therapy may definitely be helpful too. Adjustment to Assisted Living may take a while, and usually there are more women in residences than men, so fewer chances for “guy stuff”.
Does he have some comfort items brought from home, or any specific requests from items he was familiar with while at home? If so, maybe his surroundings can be made a little more comfortable by bringing them there.
Other than asking him if there’s anything that you can bring for him, there probably isn’t a whole lot to discuss about losses that represents a long span of time.
This is a tough change to have to deal with. If he has any particular hobbies or Interests it may be a good time to bring him materials or information to “get back into” things he didn’t have time to enjoy previously.
Some elderly feel that they must leave an inheritance to their children. This is nonsense! No one is entitled to an inheritance.
Some feel that their children must care for them until they die and this too is nonsense. It is up to the child to make that decision and it isn’t a black and white issue. There are so many variables.
Some elderly parents have immense health issues making it just about impossible to care for at home.
Assisted living is a great option for care. Nursing homes can be as well.
It’s a tough road for the parents and the children.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I tell myself that every single day. However, the fact that life didn't go as we planned doesn't mean all we worked for in our life is gone. Life experiences are of immense value, and material things are just that -- things. Once your dad dies, everything he worked for would be gone, too, if that's what he's talking about.
I recommend helping your dad write down his memoirs. My dad did that a few years ago to prepare for a 10-minute presentation at his men's breakfast club, and it turned into an amazing document as he tweaked it and added to it over about a two-year period. It isn't any kind of organized, but instead is just little tidbits of things he remembered, like where he was when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor (11 years old and selling peanuts at a baseball game), driving his car from Los Angeles to San Francisco with no brakes(!), and dancing with Keely Smith when she pulled him up on stage at a Louis Prima show.
I know that when he was writing it, he really found clarity in the value of the life he lived and what he'd accomplished. Nothing he wrote about was related to the things he'd acquired but rather was about the experiences he acquired. He became a fairly wealthy man and fortunately left my mother well off and able to afford her nursing home expenses, but he never mentioned that.
Perhaps if your dad was set to working on a similar memoir he'd come to the realization that he has lost nothing and gained much.
But after that she realised what she had gained: meals provided, a smaller space she could keep tidy herself, freedom from expensive house repairs & garden garden maintenance. Those things were all getting so much (especially roof repairs had been really worrying her). Lost her car but also the cost of registration & insurance. She paid for an occasional taxi instead. Gained new craft & church groups.
It was not a bed of roses now, but she had adjusted. Had accepted it was time for the next chapter.
Sometimes a few sessions of counselling with a psychologist can help with this transition.
My mother is spending the money she earned and that was matched with profit sharing during her short lived career in retail to finance her VERY long stay (since 2014) in Assisted Living and now Memory Care. She's getting a wonderful level of care in her ALF by a team of people who truly DO care for and about her.
Your father should be thankful he has the means to be living where he is. But of course, in reality, the elderly are rarely thankful for much of anything they have. Gratitude is in very short order for them, especially where my own mother is concerned.
I agree with Mj1929 about the memoir.
Some talk therapy may definitely be helpful too.
Adjustment to Assisted Living may take a while, and usually there are more women in residences than men, so fewer chances for “guy stuff”.
Does he have some comfort items brought from home, or any specific requests from items he was familiar with while at home? If so, maybe his surroundings can be made a little more comfortable by bringing them there.
Other than asking him if there’s anything that you can bring for him, there probably isn’t a whole lot to discuss about losses that represents a long span of time.
This is a tough change to have to deal with. If he has any particular hobbies or Interests it may be a good time to bring him materials or information to “get back into” things he didn’t have time to enjoy previously.
Some feel that their children must care for them until they die and this too is nonsense. It is up to the child to make that decision and it isn’t a black and white issue. There are so many variables.
Some elderly parents have immense health issues making it just about impossible to care for at home.
Assisted living is a great option for care. Nursing homes can be as well.
It’s a tough road for the parents and the children.