Is the end near, how long do we have?
I have been the primary caregiver to my mil for 12 years. She was diagnosed with dementia after suffering a global hypoxic event due to an allegic reaction. She has always relied on me for complete care. She will has both long and short term memory issues. Limited vocabulary. Cannot dress or bathe herself. Is incontinent of both bladder and bowel. Will not change or clean herself. About a year ago she had a tia stroke. She has become increasingly clumsy, often bumping into walls or falling. She refuses to use h her walker or forgets she even has it. Over the last month she has grown increasingly weak. So much so that her last bath required 2 of us to get her out of the tub. She's developed a cough now and seems short of breath. She is sleeping 20+ hours a day. In the last 3 days she has only drank maybe 2 quarts and eaten nothing. If shes not asleep shes sitting with her elbows on her knees and her head down in her hands. Communication is almost non existent as all she says is ok but she denies being hungry or in pain. we do have guardianship and have decided not to interfere with the dying process. She's suffered for so many years already. Im doing my best to make sure shes kept clean and comfortable. Just curious if it sounds like the end is near and what kind of time frame we might be looking at.
Curious, does your mil cough right after having liquids? If yes, it sounds like some water is getting into her lungs, and eventually it will turn to aspiration pneumonia. My Dad developed that, and his passing was quick but painless.
Now for the cough. Put your ear on her back and ask her to inhale deeply. If you hear crackling or wheezing, call the MD right away. It might help to have a fingertip pulse oximeter (drugstore item), so if you see heart rate over 100 with O2 saturation under 90, you can call 911 for transport to the ER.
I would ask about Hospice. Since you are honoring her desires and not taking extreme measures to extend her life, I'd try to get them on board to ensure that she is comfortable.
I will say that my cousin has been in a rather severe stage for over a year now, but, so far, she seems to be stable. And, I have observed other dementia patients in her MC who are bed bound, who stare in space or sleep almost all the time, are curled up with their body in contracture and who seem very close to death, only to survive for many months, even a year. It's very perplexing to me.