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Tell the uncle if he wants to pay for the funeral he can do whatever he wants. I bet he will back off pretty quick.
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reg1234 Mar 2023
Good idea 👍
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Usually when cremated a Memorial Service is done at a later time. My MIL passed Feb 28 we had her service in May when her anniversary and Birthday were. She was being buried with FIL in a National Cemetery. I made the arrangements with VA and her friend had an outdoor luncheon. Friends and family was notified of the date, period.

Since his siblings are doing nothing but complain, I would either make it very small or not have it at all. You can go out to dinner with just his children and close friends to celebrate his life.
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reg1234 Mar 2023
My dad was also cremated and we are doing the service about 6 months later as well. I'm leaning towards this option of cancelling or keeping it private if this behavior continues as I know my dad wouldn't have wanted things like this.
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Let me start by saying I am so very sorry for the loss of your Dad. You clearly loved him a lot and wish to pay him tribute. But the honest fact is that your dad is gone.
Poet and Undertaker Thomas Lynch tells us in his books that when someone is dead there is nothing whatsoever that you can do FOR him, WITH him, ABOUT him or TO him that will make the slightest difference whatsoever for him. Ultimately our "services" are for us, to comfort us, to join us in love and memory. And clearly your family doesn't WANT that.

Your beloved Dad is gone. Why should this now be about his bickering family? For me it would be to celebrate my loving memories of my wonderful Dad on my own, in my own way, and with great peace and comfort and joy in what we had shared.

I think that many in your family are seeing "services" as some sort of burden. It seems that they have already mourned in their own way.
I think you are right. Cancel it. Dad has been gone now for some months. Hold your own services, your own celebrations of him yourself and in peace.

I am left to wonder if just perhaps your family has ever been much different?? I doubt they descended into chaos suddenly only because of or with the death of your Dad.

Leave them in peace. Celebrate yours and your Dad's great love alone. And again, I am sorry for your loss. If he was as fine a man as my own Dad I think he will ever be with you in your heart.
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This happened when my uncle died. We could not find his sons for next of kin and he had given his friend the authority to sign for him. When his friend said they could not afford a funeral I told her then you need to sign over to me the rights - which they did. When I talked to our lawyer he told me this was legal even though his sons were unreachable. So I made the arrangements. I notified the family - my cousins, aunts, uncles. With the announcement I was met with "this is what so-n-so wants..." and I stopped them in mid-sentence "I am doing this memorial, I have made the arrangements already and this is the time and place if you want to be there thats fine". Boy when the funeral happened I had one that was sooo made they took off in their car squealing. I thought to myself too bad! I also heard through the grapevine about how it should have happened and I let that grapevine know that if they had anything to say they needed to man up and say it or shut up! mmmm never heard another word. Sometimes we need to put on a hard shell but the close family members that support you will. Prayers for peace during this hard time!
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I’m sorry for your loss. Please tune out all the comments, have the funeral you’ve planned and listen to no compliants about it at all. Surround yourself with people who bring positive encouragement to your life
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plan your memorial. Ignore the manipulative relatives and refuse to engage in the petty squabbles.
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So sorry for your loss. Just plan the service. It is important for you that you honor him. Whoever shows up, does. Distance yourself from all this infighting.
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So sorry for your loss, Reg. Have you considered a private ceremony without the critics? Invitation only kind of thing. If you want to honor your dad, maybe cut out the people who make it all about them.
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First of all, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad.

Go ahead and plan for the service to honor your dad. It’s your wish to do this for your dad. I wouldn’t let them stop you from doing that.

After it is planned, give them the time and date and as you say, let them work out their personal differences. You shouldn’t have to be involved in their squabbles.

What a shame that they are being so ridiculous at this time instead of thinking of your father and you.

Wishing you peace as you mourn the loss of your father.
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reg1234 Mar 2023
Thank you
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