Hi,
My dad just passed away a few months ago. It was a really difficult situation and caused a lot of trauma for me. Lately, planning my dad's service has been a disaster. I wanted to do something to honor him, but I've been surprised just how awful my family has been. My uncle let me know how much he hated everything I planned and how I don't think of anyone else in the family. My aunt proceeded to act like it was a strain for her and another uncle of mine to even come and just yesterday asked me if I'll be coming to visit them with a family member they dislike. I said why would I be doing that? We are planning my dad's service HERE, I don't have time to travel to your house when everyone is traveling here for the service! It was a ridiculous question. She wants to make sure that family member doesn't come to their house to visit and that I basically need to make sure that doesn't happen. I told her no way is that my responsibility and she needs to handle it. Since my dad has died, I've been met with rude comments and some of the worst behavior from my family. I've honestly thought of canceling the service, but want to proceed for my dad to honor him. I know I just have to set boundaries, but when you're in pain and your family treats you badly it's so hurtful. I feel I won't look at them the same after this. Just feels like another blow after dealing with one of the worst things. 😢
Since his siblings are doing nothing but complain, I would either make it very small or not have it at all. You can go out to dinner with just his children and close friends to celebrate his life.
Poet and Undertaker Thomas Lynch tells us in his books that when someone is dead there is nothing whatsoever that you can do FOR him, WITH him, ABOUT him or TO him that will make the slightest difference whatsoever for him. Ultimately our "services" are for us, to comfort us, to join us in love and memory. And clearly your family doesn't WANT that.
Your beloved Dad is gone. Why should this now be about his bickering family? For me it would be to celebrate my loving memories of my wonderful Dad on my own, in my own way, and with great peace and comfort and joy in what we had shared.
I think that many in your family are seeing "services" as some sort of burden. It seems that they have already mourned in their own way.
I think you are right. Cancel it. Dad has been gone now for some months. Hold your own services, your own celebrations of him yourself and in peace.
I am left to wonder if just perhaps your family has ever been much different?? I doubt they descended into chaos suddenly only because of or with the death of your Dad.
Leave them in peace. Celebrate yours and your Dad's great love alone. And again, I am sorry for your loss. If he was as fine a man as my own Dad I think he will ever be with you in your heart.
Go ahead and plan for the service to honor your dad. It’s your wish to do this for your dad. I wouldn’t let them stop you from doing that.
After it is planned, give them the time and date and as you say, let them work out their personal differences. You shouldn’t have to be involved in their squabbles.
What a shame that they are being so ridiculous at this time instead of thinking of your father and you.
Wishing you peace as you mourn the loss of your father.