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This forum is full of posts that indicate caregiving is a thankless and usually lonesome job. Siblings, for most caregivers, are a negative element. I have to share a story that goes against the norm. When my FIL was dying and I wanted to see him before he passed, I didn't see how that could happen. My siblings and niece came together to cover my round-the-clock care of Dad for a full 7 days. My older sister did the night shift, sleeping at my house M-F. My younger sister covered nights on Sat and Sun. My niece came to my house from 40 miles away, everyday for 6 days and my brother made that trip on Sunday. I got to my FIL's bedside the day before he died - they said he was waiting for me to get there. I told him how much I loved him and that is a gift from my family that is more precious than words can say.
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thank you all for your answers. logging onto this sight has helped so much. even in reading everyone else's 'opportunities". ( trying to change words to sound positive). I have and am taking a writing course for children via mail. it does help. I actual do play a computer game with some interaction. not much, I do not rust a lot of internet things. thanks to all of you who have answered. keep you chins up too. here is a big hug OOOOOO
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Does your Mom get Social Security payments? She should if she or your Dad worked. Make a list of her needs and then decide on an amount for her to pay towards rent, food, utilities. This is only fair. She would have to pay this if she were living on her own. I made the mistake of thinking Mother would offer to pay her own way. Now the more she has the stingyer she gets. At least it will be mine if she ever dies so I can put some back for my own care.
You need to talk to you family. Tell them to pick a week they will be able to take THEIR Mother and keep her so you can have some rest. If they hedge--pick a week and tell them what time you will arrive with her. If they don't respond then just show up with her. One of my siblings flew 2000 miles at their own expense to stay with Mom so I could get away. If you don't have a car that will make the trip, rent one. You can make either place in a days drive.
Have you checked about a Senior Day Care near you?
Hang in there. There are a lot of us out here in almost unbearable situations.
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I am always glad when I see I follow up and I thank you. So thank YOU.
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You're Welcome:))) xo
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ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY NOT! In fact I feel it essential. Do you have any neighbors/friends/outside resources than can come stay with your loved ones while you carve out at least an hour? I find that a hour or two browsing at Goodwill, reading at the library, walking alone drinking in the beautiful weather is essential. Check with the Human Resources dept where you live (they are particularly good in suburban areas) and ask them for leads. There are social services out there that will stay with your loved ones either for FREE or a nominal cost. DO THIS! You desperately need it! You cannot give good care unless you love and care for yourself!!
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P.S.: I left this out: I carve out an hour for myself about 2-3 times a week. It has been a godsend, despite having a sibling who offers very,very little support. A good girlfriend whom my dad has become very fond of will come & stay with him. You can do this! It might get hard to motivate yourself but keep in mind that your health and well being are essential and you absolutely need time away from this tough, tough job. Much love and best wishes to you! Keep writing here. It helps.
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