I live with this person, I'm not charged for rent or utilities, however I am responsible for what use to be her car. Her daughter has me paying for part insurance, maintenance, gas and now the tags are going to be expired. Am I responsible for that? I take her every where I need to go, she cannot be left alone. I would also feel that 100.00 a month is not enough that the daughter gives me per month for her needs and going out to eat once in awhile. I hope this can be understood. Thank you.
So, is her daughter paying you $1,000 a week, give or take a few hundred? No? Hmmm.
If you are responsible for the car expenses, has the car been transferred to your name? Why not? If it is not your car, why would you be responsible for the tags?
Keep careful track of what you spend on this person, then show the daughter the receipts. If they are more than $100/month, ask which things she would like you to drop.
I think that daughter is taking advantage of you. She is treating you as perhaps a houseguest and not thinking of you as a caregiver. I doubt that she is deliberately exploiting your friendship with her mother, and she probably just does not realize what all is involved in caregiving or what it costs on the open market.
Do your research. Call your local Aging hotline and ask for help in figuring out typical rates in your area. Then have a heart-to-heart with the daughter about renegotiating the expectations. You should have a contract in place defining what you are expected to do, and what your compensation is.
Since this is a friend, perhaps you do not expect market wages. I don't know. But certainly taking care of someone with dementia should not be costing YOU anything! (Of course, if you are being paid the going rate in your area, then maybe supplying a car is less of an issue.)
What kind of arrangements are made for your time off? Who takes care of your friend then?
I don't know how the arrangement came to be like this. Since her mother can't be left alone, you must be there all the time. This sounds like a slave labor arrangement to me, and not friendship. Jeanne gave you excellent advice -- she always does. The daughter acts like she is doing you a favor to let you take care of her mother. I would kick my self esteem into high drive and push for what is reasonable. Let us know how it goes.
I think you need to do a little arithmetic. How much would you pay for rent if you didn't live there? Who pays for food? Are you on duty 24 hours a day? What would your paycheck be if you didn't live there? How much do you spend on her out of the $100.00 on the mother?
It's all part of a "contract" that you have with the daughter. You can't renegotiate unless you have all the facts and figures. Also list your responsibilities.
Tell her you want to discuss the situation to make sure that you are both on the same page. Give her a chance to make a better offer after you present the facts.
You're a businesswoman now! Good luck.
I hope this is a very rewarding experience for you, that your friendship is satisfying, and that you can work out satisfactory financial expectations with the daughter.