My mom was only supposed to live with us a few months; it has been three years. She is difficult and non-cooperative, and she has so much stuff that there is little room for us, our two teens and a toddler. She "doesn't want" to move, or let go of any possessions, and she is beginning to make poor safety decisions around the 3 year-old, making it so we have to watch her carefully. She is still driving and has her own car; we are beginning to wonder about that as well.
She has some property that she can't live on, and only about $100,000 total assets to take care of her for 20-30 more years. We are not dependent on her financially although we do want to spend our money on enjoying our own family life and give our kids a good start rather than support her in expensive assisted living. There is no other family to help.
Mom needs senior apartment type living, where she is around people of her own generation. These apartments the rent is based on one's income. She'd be much happier there. And it doesn't sound like she needs any caregiving services. What she is going through may be just general age decline, or is still in menopause.
Did your Mom ever worked outside of the house, getting a salary? If not, i can see her being hesitant going that route, but she could do volunteer work to gain new skills. Your local Agency on Aging probably has a list of what groups need volunteers.
Some of us on the forums are older then your Mom, our challenge was dealing with a parent(s) who were in their 90's. So unless you do something soon, Mom could be with you for 20-30 years. Better to help her when she really needs the care.
My biggest worry is that there is a toddler in the house and your Mom's bedroom is a hoarding nightmare. If the toddler gets into her room, she could very easily be seriously hurt if a pile of "stuff" topples down upon her.
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