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My Mom moved in with me and my husband when my only child was six months old. The doctor said since she had so much going wrong, she would need to have constant care. (Mom suffered from transient eschemic attacks (mini strokes), congestive heart failure, kidney and bladder disease, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis, diverticulosis, pancreatitis and then the hospital dropped her and broke her hip forcing her to walk the rest of her life on a walker) I had been trying to get Mom to move in for several years before this because her health was deteriorating, but Mom was a very independent lady and wanted to do for herself as long as she could. I checked on her twice a day for the ten years before she moved in with me to be sure she was taking her medicine properly and to take her to the grocery store, etc. She also always went on vacations with me and my husband because I was afraid to leave her alone. It was actually easier for me once she moved in. However, she did need care around the clock and I had to quit my job to care for her and my newborn son. I asked my brother to help financially which he screamed at me he didn't have the money (his job paid $22+/hour) so that wasn't true. He was divorced (again) and has three children now 19, 27 and 39 so he was always paying out child support but he never saw his children after he divorced their mothers. I helped raise all three of his children, including having these kids live with me at various times. The 19 year old is still living with me so he can go to college on a grant because his father disinherited him. Now, out of the blue, my brother calls to inform us that he has two - three months to live (terminal throat and liver cancer from smoking and drinking all his life) and that he's put back over the years over $2 million for his three kids. He tells me, "oops, I forgot I was supposed to pay for mom, you can sue me, but I'll be dead before you get it, you're screwed". After Mom died, I had to file for bankruptcy because I had loans against my house for Mom's medical bills. (She was in the hospital 3-5 times a year for 10 years and her insurance just didn't cover everything.) I was also the only one paying for her meals, clothing, and all her other expenses. In the twenty years Mom was sick, my brother paid for ONE MEAL - that's it. He never took her to a single doctor's appointment, sat with her in the hospital, paid for her medicine, NOTHING. Instead, he sat at home and drank and smoked and neglected his mother and children. Mom died in 2004 at the age of 85 because I didn't have anything left to charge the treatments against. I was just wondering if I have any legal rights to reclaim half of the expenses Mom had? We all live in Tennessee within 20 miles of each other. I'm not expecting much, I don't want to be paid for my time or care given, nor do I expect him to pay for my lost wages for 10 years, but I would like half of the $200,000 that I spent out of pocket on Mom so my son (whose college fund was also used to help pay Mom's debts) could go to college. Am I being unreasonable in asking for him to finally step up and admit he needs to be held accountable?

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You are obviously the kind twin. I dont think the courts will provide you relief, but I will pray God rewards your unselfishness
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those fillial laws sound as ignorant as they sound. our manufacturing base is gone as are the cradle to grave jobs, benefits and decent wages. laws that cant be enforced make governments look innefectual and dont last long.
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This series of posts really reinforces the need to seek financial advice as soon as things start declining with our parents, or preferably before. Consultiing with financial planners, elder law attorneys and the family are essential. It is money well spent. Also with more and more couples waiting until their late 30's or in their 40's to have children, the stress of young children and elderly parents can be tremendous, physically, emotionally and financially. Most families are ill equipped to handle this. Somehow we are all supposed to die peacefully in our sleep after a lovely day. Doesn't quite work that way. Facing reality isn't easy.
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In regards to the laws being tested in court, the one that should scare the bejeeze out of every single living adult child with an aging needy parent(s) is this Pennsylvania case. The Nursing Home only went after one son, not the woman's husband or other children and left this one man stuck with the entire $93,000 bill. I don't see how this can possibly be fair, yet, it stood up in two courts of law.

While filial responsibility laws have rarely been enforced in the past, a recent case in Pennsylvania may indicate a new trend. In Health Care & Retirement Corporation of America v. Pittas (Pa. Super. Ct., No. 536 EDA 2011, May 7, 2012), the Pennsylvania Superior Court upheld a lower court decision which made the adult son of a woman who had received skilled nursing care and treatment at a Pennsylvania facility for a period of six months liable for the $93,000 bill. The court concluded that the state did not have the duty to consider the woman's other possible sources of payment, including a husband and two other adult children, or the fact that an application for Medicaid assistance was still pending. Instead, since the facility had adequately met its burden of proof that this particular son had the means to pay the $93,000 bill, the trial court was correct in holding the son responsible for paying it.

This Pennsylvania case demonstrates the importance of long term care planning from the perspectives of both elderly parents and their children. Without proper planning and legal advice from an experienced elder law attorney, children may very well be on the hook for thousands of dollars of care required by their aging parents.
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At $22 per hour, 2 divorces and 3 kids, even if he did not really sustain them, he likely does not have a large amount to leave them. He lied before, he may be repeating his beavior.

Get legal advice, if collecting is not likely, do not throw good money after bad. Court remedies are not fast or cheap, do not do this just on emotional principle, it may only worsen your position.

I think beating a cancer patient in court would be very unlikely.

If there is an inheritance of $2m for the 3 kids, since you helped raise them, maybe they will help with grandmothers past bills. Hope they took after their aunt.

Best Wishes to you,
L
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I don't see it ever being overturned. More and more states are Passing these kinds of law. Why would the states reject it? It allows them to cut back on the funds for Medicaid and gives the responsibility to the adult children to pay for their own parents' cost. Then they can use those funds to spend over $60,000 on studying ants! or some other useless programs....
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Amen skionna! We have an 8 year old child and FIL is 86. Unfortunately, we went to an elder care attorney (at FIL request) and he threw a fit and one year later changed thing around and then back again. Financial planners and elder lawyers work when you can trust each other. Sadly, I think it is some of the children who will wish for death to take them in their sleep.
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My husband, who is a retired attorney as well as a pilot, just told me the laws to compel adult children to pay for their parents in time of need is true. So, get a personal injury attorney to sue the hospital who dropped your mother and broke her hip (although I think the statute of limitations would apply), and/or get an attorney who specializes in family law to find reimbursement from your brother's estate (if in fact he does have $2 million and he is dying so quickly). You have usually two years to file an action, so get as many documents as you can together for preparation in trial. The burden of proof will be on you, however, your brother's children can testify for you as well since your mother and brother will be deceased. Good luck with your cause. You surely have earned a place in heaven, but do not allow others to take advantage of you again to your detriment. Filing bankruptcy will scar YOUR credit rating for TEN years.
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You can sue the estate. A good civil lawyer will help you with this. When helping raise his children, I hope your good intentions influenced them as they grew into adults. And had more influence than their biological father's deceitful ways. You also might not make yourself so available for him, ough that doesn't seem to be your style. You are a good person. I am sure deep down he wishes he had 1/10000th of your goodness. You will be rewarded, I don't doubt that. Hugs and God bless
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I hate to say it, but I doubt you can recoup a penny. You deserve it and a lot more for all that you have done. When someone dies you are NOT responsible for their debt so I don't know why you paid off your mothers debts. Collection companies try to make you believe you have to pay them off, but you don't....unless you were a co-signer on an account. I feel your pain and your brother is pretty much a jerk but unless you have a signed or witnessed agreement to equally pay these expenses, I don't think you will get it back. Such a shame that we try to help others and wind up losing everything. God Bless You! My prayers are with you.
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