My grandmother, as much as I love her, is becoming increasingly senial. She keeps it together in front of her doctors enough that she can pass off as "ok". However every night I get calls at 3 am with her hallucinating, seeing things, she's even called the police several nights because "She saw a magician floating in her livingroom blowing cigar smoke under her bedroom door, and hamsters flying in her ceiling fan." she called to say she was afraid the hamsters would die. I'm not making this up, as absurd as it sounds. It's tearing our family apart. Worst part is, her insurance went up, and she can barely afford to live. We are picking up the slack but it's becoming too much. She has spinabifida, can barely walk, and NEEDS someone to be able to check in on her. But like I said, she fakes it in front of her doctors, and calls us liars when we tell her doctor all the events that take place. It's gotten so bad I've begun recording phone calls because I'm afraid she'll end up having a heart attack during one of her hallucinations. Any advice on this? Do I have the right, without a POA to call her doctor and express my concerns? It's getting out of hand and I don't want her in a nursing home, she COULD AFFORD an assisted living retirement facility, and truthfully it would take a huge worry off my family. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
We went through the same with our mother. We kept telling the doctor she was mentally unable to remain in independent living and for two years she kept saying "she isn't there yet". Finally I wrote down all the behaviors she was doing or not able to do, and gave it to the nurse before the visit. The doctor finally "got it" and gave her a "mental" test, asking her questions etc. Then she put on the form for IL that she had alzheimers. They told us she had to move, so at that point she had no choice but to move, and we moved her into AL - we didn't tell her where she was going - just took her to my sister's house for a visit for two days while we moved her stuff to AL. Then we sat down with her and explained the situation. The AL was fore-warned she would be upset, so they were prepared and also we gave her 1/2 valium to reduce her stress level.
If you don't have a POA, its important to get a doctor to evaluate her so you have the doctor on your side - and if need be, go to court to get a guardianship. It will take full family cooperation.
However, if your grandmother can barely walk, she might not be eligible for assisted living unless she has an aide (which you will have to pay for) The key is how much assistance they actually need. Also, AL does not have the legal authority to make the resident "do anything".
Mom finally fell too many times, can't walk alone now, so she is in a nursing home. They do everything for her.
It's common for someone to "pass" with a doctor. They often want to impress the doctor and appear at their best. Also, most people fear change, and they don't want the doctor to suggest change, so they "ac"t their way through an appointment.
Recording her calls is a good idea. You could try assisted living if she isn't too disabled. She could be very lonely and afraid even though she may not even realize it. Once she is around people, her panic may end.
Otherwise, please look into nursing homes. I don't know where you live, but in many parts of the country, nursing homes have made great strides forward and are really very good.
I can't emphasis enough the value of socialization for elders. Isolation can contribute to all kinds of problems, and even the best care from adult children and grandchildren can't replace the feeling of living in a safe environment. She may complain about moving to a facility at first, but I expect she'll eventually learn to like the companionship and the feeling of safety. Please look into a move for her.
Carol