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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Father is 84, lives alone. Decreased mobility, incontinent and dementia fighting to stay home. I am afraid that he is continuing to decline mentally and physically.
Are you referring to financial assistance or help locating a facility? Or do you want to convince him to go voluntarily?
I might start with his doctor. His doctor should be aware of what is going on at home. Is he able to hide his condition from his doctor? His doctor may recommend memory care if an evaluation supports it.
I would first make sure that you have his signed Durable Power of Attorney and Healthcare POA in hand. Those documents will help you protect him. If not, is he still competent to sign them? I'd consult with an Elder Law attorney. If he can't sign, you may need to seek guardianship.
I would be very concerned about his safety if he is living alone and is incontinent. He may be open to health conditions and to financial exploitation.
Once his financial records can be examined, you can determine what he can afford and what services he might be entitled to in his state.
I would look at the county he lives in to know what kind of agencies assist the elderly. Do it either online, or call the county on the phone, or even look in a phone book. There are probably many leads to follow to start your search.
Call his Doctor, they can lead you to the right people. there are a lot of forms and evaluations that will need to be done. Begin looking around to find a place you like and that he can afford. he may qualify for nursing home Medicaid. An elder Law Attorney would be a good idea but you could also call your local Elder affairs office. Good Luck.
All the advice here is right on, Aloneinthis. The only thing I can add is for you to go to the website www.aging.gov. Then click state services. You'll see a long list of links.
As you go through the links, you should find a number of local contacts such as your Area Agency on Aging and the National Caregiver Support Services (this may have a different name but should be similar).
Sadly, states vary greatly in how well they support their elders' needs. However, this list will give you a good starting place.
Please let us know how things go when you have a chance, Take care, Carol
Do you have MPOA and POA? Just because he "wants" to stay at home, if he has dementia he doesn't really act in his own best interests. Get the aid of his doctor, call Adult Protective Services and take it from there.
My hubby took his mom to the the Doctor. The Doc told her that she had dementia and still she didn't believe him BUT the Doc got her to sign papers. Most dementia patients will listen to others, but not close family. Family to them, is out to get them (in our case) whilst all-the-while FAMILY is just trying to help them cause they love them.
Two addittional points: check into your area's PACE (Program for All-inclusive Care for the Elderly) program, if available. This is a national Medicare/Medicaid program that helps people stay in their home. If he is eligible for Medicaid, there isno cost to him. Otherwise it may be too expensive. The PACE program representative can help explain how it works in your specific situation. Second, if you do end up needing to place your dad in a home, be sure to check out the potential faciliities in the evening on a weekend as this is typically the worst time for staffing. Check odors, how long it takes for staff to answer call bells, how people look (food on faces, appear wet, slumped over in their chairs), and if many staff are outside smoking. If the charge nurse stays behind the nurses station and doesn't respond in a friendly manner to your presence, that's anothe indicator of professionalism and attentiveness. You may also contact your county's area agency on aging and ask how many complaints they receive regarding the candidate facilities. I'm not a fan of the Medicare site, "Nursing Home Compare" as it is too simplistic and based primarily on facility surveys, which are not a reliable indicator of compassion, professionalism and resident feedback. You can get info on staffing here, though, and that is one helpful factor.
If Dad can still have a reasonable conversation, maybe the cost of home care 24/7 would make sense to him. It can cost a lot more than nursing home care.
If he has dementia, incontinence, etc. - he is ready to go to a nursing home, and he doesn't have much say in it. IMO. I was lucky, I took my mother to the nursing home when we got her a bed, with her primary caregiver, said she was going to have a physical (true!). Filled out forms, talked with the people, and saw mom having lunch. Told her she had to stay there for a few days for 'observation'. (true, sort of.) I said I would be back to see how she was (true). I guess I was lucky, she was so far gone in dementia she didn't know where she was (didn't know where she was when she was at home, either).
Starting with his doctor is good advice. Often, parents will listen to doctors when they won't listen to their own kids. Checking into home care is also a good idea, though gets way more expensive than a nursing home. Is your Dad a Veteran? If so Check into Veteran's Aid and Attendance benefits which helped my Dad out a lot. Depending on his asssets or lack thereof, it may be a good way to help with funding . I am an only child and had to do it all myself as well. But you are not alone. This website and Council on Aging and A Place For Mom and Veterans Assistance and other organizations are there to help. It's a learning curve, so please know it will be a process. But things will even out eventually. Just don't be afraid to keep asking for help and be firm and focused about it and remember you are doing the best you can. Caring for our elders is love made visible. Above all, take care of yourself first, so that you are able to offer what you can for your loved one.
MOST, bordering on practically all elders, do NOT want to lose their independence. And who can blame them really? But it comes to a time when we, their adult children must make that decision for them for safety factors and other issues.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I might start with his doctor. His doctor should be aware of what is going on at home. Is he able to hide his condition from his doctor? His doctor may recommend memory care if an evaluation supports it.
I would first make sure that you have his signed Durable Power of Attorney and Healthcare POA in hand. Those documents will help you protect him. If not, is he still competent to sign them? I'd consult with an Elder Law attorney. If he can't sign, you may need to seek guardianship.
I would be very concerned about his safety if he is living alone and is incontinent. He may be open to health conditions and to financial exploitation.
Once his financial records can be examined, you can determine what he can afford and what services he might be entitled to in his state.
Sunnygirl1 covered every aspect of your father's condition and the steps you can take in his best interest. I suggest following this advice.
As you go through the links, you should find a number of local contacts such as your Area Agency on Aging and the National Caregiver Support Services (this may have a different name but should be similar).
Sadly, states vary greatly in how well they support their elders' needs. However, this list will give you a good starting place.
Please let us know how things go when you have a chance,
Take care,
Carol