glitterart Asked August 2009
How do I get my mom to drink water?
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How do I get my frail 85 years mom to drink water? She lives with me after she second stroke. She's very weak, doesn't eat much, and will only drink about 1-1/2cups of water a day. Constantly constipated and complains she can't poop. Tried teas, popsicle, sow cones, juices-doesn't work. Refuses to drink or eat anything with water, says she's Too full.
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I think the reason this stirred so much talk was that no one really knew what shape your mom is in. That makes a huge difference to how one responds. So, we thank you for wording the topic as you did. It was thought provoking and brought losts of practical suggestions, as well. Good luck with your mom, and I hope you will keep checking in with other topics as well.
Carol
Carol
Physicans are taught to heal. They are not taught to allow someone die, as with hospice care. But thankfully that is changing. Also, the more tests run and procedures done, the more money is made. Sadly that is the nature of the beast. That is why we as caregivers must stay informed so that we can be the best advocate possible for our loved ones. Peace
Take care and come back and chat when you have a few minutes.
Carol
There comes a time for all of us when we can't be cured. We wear out and are ready to go. In this case, you even had the right legal papers in place, which makes it all the more horrible that you had to be put in a situation where you had to demand that they undo what your mother didn’t want. That's sickening.
More attention is now being directed to allowing people consultations with medical personnel about dying when their time has come, rather than keeping them alive artificially. There are times for feeding tubes, but there are times when it's cruel. I am surprised that the hospice you had wasn't more forceful. They are the ones to call when everyone agrees death is coming and you want to make it as pain free and serene as possible. I had great experiences as I attended my parents' peaceful deaths (though feeding tubes were not an option, anyway). Hospice kept them both pain free, and it was wonderful to sit with them and help them go when they were definitely ready.
I'm so glad you are telling your story. Please continue to do so.
The brilliance and compassion of you caregivers is awesome.
Carol
As in my experience when they stop drinking and eating it isn't too long before they die. I have worked for health care agency and seen this with a client I cared for for two years and also with my 45 year old daughter when she was dying from a brain tumor.
Just keep on doing what you have been doing. My prayers are with you.
After a journey with Hodgkins, (a chemo she could take) over five years ago, my Mother changed in so many ways. She loved life in a more pleasurable way. She ceased from worrying in so many ways; she learned to leave those worries with the Lord Jesus. One year ago she became ill again and was diagnosed with Adenocarcinoma. I've written in an earlier post about how she could not take the chemo because it was too strong but she did continue with the radiation. On December 28th, we learned the Adenocarcinoma was gone. Prayer works. But the wear on her body from these treatments makes families wonder, is it worth it for the elderly to go through so much strife to enable them to have life. It differs between people, of course. My Mother chose life. When she fell ill, the dementia set in. For months I watched my Mother being someone I did not know. It was hard to be with her and hear her speak but did not have any recollection of her own life.... but still, she knew me. She knew my siblings. It seems I've gone off course here, but it is for good reason: When the doctors order certain tests, they can at times, order for more than one test to be done in the same time frame. This makes it so much easier on an elderly patient. Once asleep, they do not stress over the test that may somehow bring answers to bringing them back to good health, or answers to family members when to decide 'enough is enough'. My family and I had decided that if the peg tube did not work, that 'enough was going to be enough'. We were not going to ask her to keep going. The peg tube enabled her to receive the nutrients her body and her mind was starving for. She had gone from 145 lbs. to 90 lbs. in less than two months. She received her water through the peg tube because she was choking on anything she took by mouth. Into the second week of the peg tube feedings, she began to come back to us. By one month, she was up to 115 lbs. She is now at 124 lbs and we just had the peg tube removed. She still suffers from the dementia but on a very low scale which is our blessing and miracle given to us for she remembers us, she remembers her past and is beginning to be able to remember her 'yesterdays'.
It is my opinion from experience, nutrition is the #1 key to how well an elderly person can maintain and continue living in good health.
I pray your Mother will begin to eat and drink without having to have the peg tube. But if it comes to having to have it, know what I did not: it is a simple procedure and once in, good cleaning and care of it will enable her to keep it for the time she needs it.
Good that you took the straws. They can build up air in the tummy causing gas and tummy aches.
God bless you on your journey,
....and God bless your dear Mother. We only have one in this lifetime and I thank the Lord for her every day of my life.
Today needs to be written in the books. I got her to drink 3 CUPS of water. I changed her favorite drinking cup to a bright new kids sippy cup. (yes, I tried straws, different cups, water bottles,etc...) Maybe she needed a change, wish I thought of it sooner. Hope it continues.
Thank you for the kind words and support.
~~A. Leigh
My father now has trouble swallowing to some degree due to Parkinsons. So, there are certain diseases that affect swallowing. Considering she has had two strokes certainly have a lot to do with this. What do the nurses say?
I spoke to her doctor about Depression. She tried the different meds, but had severe reactions to all. I felt the cure was worst then the cause.
Constipation issue-not enough fluids, increased water & fiber, laxatives, suppositories as doctor's orders (in small doses). Well, soon I'm in my elbow in poop everywhere, cleaning, and diapers. She's believes that drinking water gives her the runs. Its a vicious cycle.
Thanks for listening.
Carol
Is her constipation being treated? That may be a partial reason why she's not eating or drinking. Has the doctor looked into the many reasons why she isn't hungry? Is she very ill with something? Is she depressed? Depression is common in the elderly and loss of appetite is one of the signs.
I think that keeping her nourished is important, but the bigger picture is to find out why she isn't hungry or thirsty.
Good luck. It's not easy. You can't force anyone to eat or drink.
Carol
Carol
I know my mother used to get angry at the nursing home people for pushing fluids. She drank as much as she could. But she had no appetite either, and her organs were shutting down, so she was dying anyway. Her body was rejecting it all. Hopefully, this is not what you are facing here, and you can encourage her, but if she knows the facts and wants to live, she will have to force herself.
All the things you've done are right. But we make our own choices, in the end. If she knows that this could kill her, she may change or she may not. You will know you've done (and will keep doing) your best.
Maybe if she is truly convinced (by a doctor?) of the seriousness of this, and then you just leave fluids by her everywhere, and don't nag, she will take it upon herself to drink as much as she can. One can have hope. Rebellion takes many forms. If she knows she is responsible for her intake, that what she needs is there if she will only do her part, maybe she will.
You are wonderfully caring and doing everything you can. Take care of yourself, and please don't feel guilty. Carol