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Dementia and incontinence. My 79 yo mother with Dementia has incontinence issues. She is in denial about her Dementia. She has anosognosia--a lack of awareness of impairment.
How do i get my mother to wear Depends or other incontinence garments? My mother has frequent accidents but will not wear them. My mother's friends are aware that she has Dementia. One of her girlfriends called to tell me about an accident she had while at a lunch. How do I explain to my mother's friends that she will not wear them? How can I get her friends to understand the nature of the disease and I am doing the best I can--being her live at home caregiver?

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You really do have to remove all of her "regular" underwear. There are pull ups that feel a lot like regular underwear and we tell mom it's just in case. Alas as to going out with girlfriends, it may be better for them to come over for a visit and bring treats for afternoon tea. This is also the benefit of assisted living...lovely dining roon to entertain guests and help on site for accidents.
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I feel your pain. My mother won't wear them either. We aren't in a bad situation yet, but will be soon. I heard one suggestion, which the AL gave us. . .just remove ALL her underpants and replace them with the Depends. (She won't have a choice. . .unless she decides to go without, and that will become a new problem. sigh)
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Mom was wearing sanitary pads and having multiple accidents when she moved in with me. She would not even wear Poise pads. I went to the Depends website and got a free sample of two or three Silhouettes (they are great for daytime but don't hold enough for nighttime). We went on a driving vacation and left at night. I asked her to wear them "just for this trip" because I did not know where we would find a bathroom on our trip. I asked her just to help me. We never looked back. I now get them on a subscription basis through Amazon. I get a case each month (you can request more or less) but they are automatically sent and I don't have to go out and buy them and they are a little less expensive. If I end up with a build up because I use another product for nighttime I can cancel a month if need be. Good luck.
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I agree with those saying to remove cloth underwear. Did this with my father who lives with me. He also uses a 'guard' for extra protection. I have his pullups and pads delivered to the house on a regular schedule. To dispose of these we use a diaper gene. He can dispose of them himself and I can empty it. Literally no smell either. Wishing you the best.
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Just tell her these are regular underwear. My grandmother has dementia and incontinence too. She was always very stubborn about the idea and refused to try them. I bought a trial kit of Depends with different styles and sizes, and then we BOTH tried on our new underwear from the kit. I told her to let me know which style she liked so I could buy her some new underwear. She's been wearing them ever since! Thank goodness! Good luck! Check out the Depends website, you might be able to get some free samples and use them as your trial kit.
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These all sound like good advice. This may not work for everyone but we had the same issue when my Mom got Alzheimer's and didn't want to wear "diapers." We found some that were pinkish color and had little ruffles around the leg openings. We called them her "ruffled panties" and she was fine with them after that. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." (Shakespeare)
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remove ALL her underpants and replace them with the Depends.worked for us.
Refered to back then as paper underwear. She used to remove her depends and switch to panties when she wore slacks. Removed all the cloth pants and she had no choice.. Generic brands work greeat,
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Wow this is a tough one. My wife makes sure I make my M-I-L use a pad every morning. Its not easy. I put the pad in her underwear before she wakes up. She only has had to accidents in the year and a half we have lived here but they have been in the last few months so I think its going to become more often. I think taking away the other underwear is the best thing you can do. Look I have no training for doing this. My wife and I moved in here and I quit my job to do this. its very hard to take things away from someone that has been doing it for years but in a lot of cases it needs to be done. We had to put a lock on the basement door so she would not go downstairs. She was not happy but in time the issue passed. To all of us... Head up and get support from ANYONE you can
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Yep, I had to go through this one too...:)
Welcome to the "Diaper Club".
In fact, even though most of you have an absolutely wonderful advice about replacing all regular underwear with pull-ups is great, I actually had to wear a diaper for a day when had a Lady who would question it. Yes, she actually said: "You are full of sh**! I don't believe you.... I bet you are not wearing those!" It gave me an idea to run to the bathroom and pull one on myself.
All day long, when she would bring up the subject about wearing diaper, I told her it's a new style or warmer panties for adorable ladies to wear in the winter and sure I am wearing one too. Had to pull elastic on my trousers down to prove my point. She did not ask any questions the very next day.
Fun, fun, fun!!!
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We run into this issue all the time at The CareGiver Partnership. We have 100's of incontinence solutions. I agree with removing from the drawer the 'regular' underwear and replacing with disposables. Another solution that may work is an absorbent incontinence pad such as Poise or Tena (many other brands too) placed inside regular underwear. We even sell cloth underwear that are specially made to have an absorbent pad inserted in the garment itself.
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