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This is sad, but you can't change her. I know of people who smoke while using oxygen. Firefighters go nuts over that. But smoking is addictive and supposedly a very hard addiction to get over. Try to have compassion and work with her, but know that you can't force her to change. This is painful, I know. But it happens often.
I've seen where it can take a scare of some kind to get a smoker to give up the cigarettes, because it is so powerful an addiction. Sometimes scary consequences work where nothing else has. You would think that COPD/emphysema would be enough of a "scare", but I'm talking about a one-time, acute event----like a heart attack....something like that....to drive the point home and get through the denial.
My hubby smokes and sometimes like a chimney....yeah I know a lot of doctors do even when they know its bad for them. When at work...12 hr shifts...he uses the e-cigarettes. What you get is water vapor. Satisfies his cravings for the nicotine, can work without wanting a cig. That might be something to think about.
My Dad had a similar problem with alcohol. He had always been a closet alcoholic and though in later years cut down a very little bit, wouldn't quit.
On one of his last major visits to the hospital concerning issues that are impacted by alcohol, I asked the doctor to try to encourage him to quit. The doctor basically told me to mind my own business, that it was one of the few things he seemed to enjoy. I think most people will understand that from that point on the doctor wasn't held high in my book of esteem.
In retrospect, though, it would have been too emotionally trying on both of us to try to coerce him toward quitting, much less emotionally and physically demanding on his own being to go through the 'hell' of attempting to quit. Given my Dad's age and long term health issues... the doctor, for his own reasons, may have been right.
Perhaps this concept will help your own emotions when worrying about your Mom and her smoking.
When I took my mom back home from a facility she hated, she came home with a heavy addiction to tracedone, Since i wasn't expecting to or willing to babysit a junkie 24 hrs a day for however long, Her doc and were able to ween her off of it, but it wasn't easy. Today she is so much better off and doesn't even remember that time.
My father was a heavy smoker with emphysema/severely damaged lungs, coughing spells etc. . He stopped cold turkey when he was told he had incurrable lung cancer. The smoker has to want to quit. There are various cessation programs available that if "worked" have proven effective for those who really want to quit. My sister who has never smoked was asked how many packs of cigarettes she smokes to her surprise. She got the gift of second hand smoke from hours spent scratching my father's head. It is the decision of the smoker. Letting the smoker know that there is a support system filled with love might help. I wish you success.
Just want to add to my first comment.....My mother suffered from COPD and lung cancer and has since died. Cigarette smoking is such a powerful addiction, and she had finally succeeded in quitting, but late in life. In her last months of life, Mom would comment to me how much it pained her to see young people lighting up.
I think our expert here-said it all---Unfortunately there is nothing you can do-that I am aware of---as your Mom is addicted to smoking.....Rationalizing for the most part, does not work---and will probably lead to fustration on your part. I have been that route-and got no place. Your Mom has to want to STOP smoking. Best, Hap
What about the Nicorette gum, or the patch? Much safer around OXYGEN!!! If you could keep the cigarettes away for a few days, she would get really hungry, but I guess that is not possible with an addiction. Poor thing. As long as she and the house are safe, another bullet to bite:(. Peace...
oops--sorry--I misspoke. I saw "oxygen" in an early post and translated in my mind that your Mother was on it. Please excuse my assumption. All the Best.
I am in the exact same circumstance as you. My Mother lives with me and she too has COPD, emphysema and she also battles with bronchitis and Pneumonia from time to time. She was smoking upwards of 2 + packs per day. In the beginning I took on the battle of her smoking with Oxygen in the house and most of the time she did OK, until i found her falling to sleep/ dozing off and just so happens the day before one of my husbands friends from work had just received the news that His mother had died in a fire do to her smoking while using Oxygen and she fell asleep. So needless to say I had to put my foot down and really talked to her about her selfishness in smoking when she's really tired and the things that could happen to the entire household because of it. Thank the lord above she actually listened and we reached a compromise of sorts... she will only smoke ...1 - when she's wide awake, and 2 - she has to take the oxygen off when she lights up ( that aids in the " wake up call " part). You don't have to be paranoid when it comes to the use of Oxygen but you do have to be careful. She struggled with this for a while but with the thoughts of what could happen and her knowing how I felt about what she was doing or could do to all of us here she has been reasonable and understanding. My Mother thinks that Cigarettes are all she has left in her life because she hasn't got anything left ( she can pivot to use the commode but is mostly in bed and only gets out when she bathes or has to go to the Doctors). Yes she is very depressed and thinks that if she has to give up her cigg's then she might as well die. ( She has lost a lot in the past five years...her husband of 33yrs, her house and her independence, so I can understand why she feels this way) So you see you can't take them completely away but hopefully by letting her know how you feel about what she's doing and how you love her she will at least cut back. My mother had agreed to cut back to 4 ciggs a day so far it has been almost 4 wks. and she is doing really well. and her breathing has already improved some. She hasn't had as many scary attacks of not being able to breathe. It was getting to the point where she couldn't use the commode without getting totally out of breath. Patience and understanding on both sides will go along way.
My father in law passed away a year ago (Dec. 10th) of COPD. He was 85 - had smoked since he was 12. He also had worked for many years in a cotton mill and a brake factory (asbestos). Who knows what (or all) that contributed to his problems. He never had any interest in stopping the smoking until major health problems (or discomfort/pain) hit him the last 2-3 years. He was also on oxygen along with different medications added to his breathing apparatus. The doctors that examined him at this point also said, why stop now? It was something that at least momentarily eased his pain. Don't let your need for a way to "fix" things limit their having a few things to enjoy. They also wish at this point that they had not ever started. I don't smoke but have been the receiver of the 2nd hand smoke. I now express my opposition to others smoking around me. Too bad I never knew it was OK to do so most of my life.
I know how you feel - my mom smokes at least 2 packs a day, has 7 stints in her heart, continues to pound down the red meat, bacon, fat, etc., has PAD with one atery in her leg 100% blocked. The physician she saw for the blocked artery refused to treat her because she isn't trying to help herself. Didn't phase her. You can't make her want what you want for her. I would give anything if she would quit and take care of herself, but it's not going to happen. She had 4 sisters with COPD, 2 have already passed away from COPD complications and one under hospice care. She still won't stop. My suggestion would be to try not to enable her. And try not to feel guilty about her actions. She is doing this to herself and no one can make her stop. It's sad, I know. You want so much better for her but if she doesn't want it, you can't make her. Just don't make it easy for her to continue on with the bad habit. Good luck.
It really is strange how people say "just let her enjoy the time she has left…, etc. My mom has COPD + emphysema and went back to the cigs after pneumonia in the hospital, oxygen at home $60,000 in bills. Just let someone do crack or heroin ' let them enjoy the time they have left, . How about intensive inpatient or some other "program". for the cig addicts as well….The very last day of someone's life, the very last death rattle for a breath of air, I wonder if they would trade even a day or an hour more of life for pack to Marlboros.
I remember pleading with my Mom to stop her chain smoking all my life. I watched each family member (father, sister, brother) struggle with adult-onset asthma and COPD. I moved far away, and the near-total estrangement broke my heart. When I did visit (2X per year, two weeks at a time), I always got sick. My mother said it was psychosomatic and I believe she felt I rejected her. After her death, I am learning to deal with having love for her but being estranged and guilty. That is what I did. It hurts really bad, but I am still breathing without meds. Sometimes I feel it wasn't worth it, as I feel I turned my back on her.
Guess the warning labels on the packs of cigarettes are for other people.... [sigh].
What is so sad, we are seeing more and more people in their 50's and 60's passing away from tobacco related illnesses.... and even some in the late 40's.
I always compare smoking to that of a smoldering building, same chemicals are present.... would you walk into the smoldering building?.... if "no", then why are you smoking, it's the same thing.
This is a terrible position for you but, sadly, it's not uncommon.I'm not certain you can do much about the smoking but try e-cigarettes. They help some people in these situations. As far as her health is concerned, she's done the damage and more cigarettes likely won't make a difference. Neither is safe around oxygen tanks so any smoking needs to be done in a different environment. We're thinking of you, Carol
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Try to take care of yourself,
Carol
On one of his last major visits to the hospital concerning issues that are impacted by alcohol, I asked the doctor to try to encourage him to quit. The doctor basically told me to mind my own business, that it was one of the few things he seemed to enjoy. I think most people will understand that from that point on the doctor wasn't held high in my book of esteem.
In retrospect, though, it would have been too emotionally trying on both of us to try to coerce him toward quitting, much less emotionally and physically demanding on his own being to go through the 'hell' of attempting to quit. Given my Dad's age and long term health issues... the doctor, for his own reasons, may have been right.
Perhaps this concept will help your own emotions when worrying about your Mom and her smoking.
Good luck.
V
Best,
Hap
You don't have to be paranoid when it comes to the use of Oxygen but you do have to be careful.
She struggled with this for a while but with the thoughts of what could happen and her knowing how I felt about what she was doing or could do to all of us here she has been reasonable and understanding.
My Mother thinks that Cigarettes are all she has left in her life because she hasn't got anything left ( she can pivot to use the commode but is mostly in bed and only gets out when she bathes or has to go to the Doctors). Yes she is very depressed and thinks that if she has to give up her cigg's then she might as well die. ( She has lost a lot in the past five years...her husband of 33yrs, her house and her independence, so I can understand why she feels this way)
So you see you can't take them completely away but hopefully by letting her know how you feel about what she's doing and how you love her she will at least cut back.
My mother had agreed to cut back to 4 ciggs a day so far it has been almost 4 wks. and she is doing really well. and her breathing has already improved some. She hasn't had as many scary attacks of not being able to breathe. It was getting to the point where she couldn't use the commode without getting totally out of breath.
Patience and understanding on both sides will go along way.
What is so sad, we are seeing more and more people in their 50's and 60's passing away from tobacco related illnesses.... and even some in the late 40's.
I always compare smoking to that of a smoldering building, same chemicals are present.... would you walk into the smoldering building?.... if "no", then why are you smoking, it's the same thing.
We're thinking of you,
Carol