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How are they managing their medications?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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If you ask your mother her preference and she does not respond; if you give her a calm place to talk and give her enough time to respond and she still does not - then I would make the necessary decisions and always say "If you want something different, Mother, you can have it, but since you have not said, I am doing ______________ because it seems the best plan to me"
How about the 85 year mom who had a stroke three years ago and insists she isnt hungry when she is, already bathed and hasn't, and never has to use the bathroom yet wets herself all day. Whe wears pads but refuses to wear depends.
Yes I have some input for you~ To begin with has your Mom any medical conditions that can possibly cause her not to speak? Once this is determined you can perhaps find some answers. Example-if she has a dementia--something called an aphasia can be the culprit. This I think you need to get to the root of the problem. Yes it must be frustrating, as you are not sure what she is trying to say or what she actually means. With my Mom-I went thru something similiar-where her words were jumbled-and I had to put it together to make sense out of what was being said. In my opinion-you need to seek out some medical or neurological advise-and for the sake of everyone, do this sooner rather than later. My best to all~ Hap
It's so hard to feel good all the time about choices you make for parents. My dad is 97 and if I ask the question in the wrong way he says, "it doesn't matter to me" So my best approach is giving him two choices of TV programs, kinds of cereal, frnech toast or eggs and toast. He does much better if he has something to pick from. I also tend to hurry him and I need to slow down, take a deep breath and wait for an answer. I think when we hurry and they feel your tension or whatever comes across, they are bound to think that you really don't care what they think. At least this is what I am going through. MKay
I start by asking my mom about things in the past then lead up to todays questions. Sometimes, her talking about past things gives me hints about how she feels now.
Thanks for the advice. As far as getting more info, i believe it's just mom's personalitty, goes along w/things. Never had much of an opinion bec of my dad, he was very controlling she just felt it easier to go along w/what ever he wanted. Guess it's just frustrating for me bec i was hoping for better mother/daughter relationship since she is now living w/me. It's a very repeatitive conversations. Does anyone think that being w/people her own age will benefit her???? or just me?
My Mother lives with me.She is 92 with advanced dementia. I share most of the problems i read the comments on. It is comforting to read ,days of others from the caregivers. All of us should take a moment and give a big hug to us. Thank you.
I agree that offering options that she can pick from may be easier than asking her to formulate a reply. For people with memory problems finding the words can be difficult and embarassing. sometimes it helps to make the questions more specific. Instead of "how do you feel" I might ask "are you hungry", "are you tired", "are you too cold", "are you too hot", "does anything hurt", "are you angry" "are you upset", etc. And I try to wait a bit for the reply to each question, instead of rushing through the list. I find it also helps to pick the right time to ask her opinion about something we might need to do. My own mother starts sundowning soon after lunch and has difficulty understanding my questions. So I try to discuss things in the morning when she seems to have all (or most) of her faculties working. If she seems to be having trouble thinking about the question, I might talk about the pros and cons for a while, and I might ask her to think about it and suggest that I will ask her again tomorrow. Even if she does not recall the discussion the next day, it gives her time for it to percolate in her subconscious and the next day she may find the issue more familiar or more emotionally comfortable. What seems like a simple question to me (eg would you like to visit Emma?) may be more difficult for her to consider calmly. So I also try to ask about possible activities several days before a decision needs to be made. I have also found that my mother is afraid of being pressured into a decision, so I try to remind her that it is up to her, that she can refuse my suggestions, and/or that we can talk about it at another time. I try to ask about concerns that she has expressed in the past. For example, she might not want to visit Emma because 1) it's too far 2)it might rain 3)Emma's too busy; so I ask about each concern it turn and suggest how we might handle the concern she is anxious about and ask if that approach is okay with her. Of course, some people are naturally reluctant to communicate, regardless of age. Sometimes you simply have to make the best decisions you can, and hope that you get it right most of the time. Keep asking your mother the questions, but don't push her too hard; eventually she'll know that you are asking out of concern for her, and that will be a comfort to her even if she doesn't answer the questions.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
"If you want something different, Mother, you can have it, but since you have not said, I am doing ______________ because it seems the best plan to me"
To begin with has your Mom any medical conditions that can possibly cause her not to speak? Once this is determined you can perhaps find some answers. Example-if she has a dementia--something called an aphasia can be the culprit. This I think you need to get to the root of the problem.
Yes it must be frustrating, as you are not sure what she is trying to say or what she actually means.
With my Mom-I went thru something similiar-where her words were jumbled-and I had to put it together to make sense out of what was being said.
In my opinion-you need to seek out some medical or neurological advise-and for the sake of everyone, do this sooner rather than later.
My best to all~
Hap
problems i read the comments on. It is comforting to read ,days of others from
the caregivers. All of us should take a moment and give a big hug to us. Thank
you.
than asking her to formulate a reply. For people with memory
problems finding the words can be difficult and embarassing.
sometimes it helps to make the questions more specific.
Instead of "how do you feel" I might ask
"are you hungry", "are you tired", "are you too cold",
"are you too hot", "does anything hurt", "are you angry"
"are you upset", etc. And I try to wait a bit for the
reply to each question, instead of rushing through the
list. I find it also helps to pick the right time to ask
her opinion about something we might need to do.
My own mother starts sundowning soon after lunch
and has difficulty understanding my questions. So
I try to discuss things in the morning when she seems
to have all (or most) of her faculties working. If she
seems to be having trouble thinking about the question,
I might talk about the pros and cons for a while, and
I might ask her to think about it and suggest that I
will ask her again tomorrow. Even if she does not
recall the discussion the next day, it gives her time
for it to percolate in her subconscious and the next
day she may find the issue more familiar or more
emotionally comfortable. What seems like a
simple question to me (eg would you like to visit Emma?)
may be more difficult for her to consider calmly. So
I also try to ask about possible activities several days
before a decision needs to be made.
I have also found that my mother is afraid of
being pressured into a decision, so I try to remind
her that it is up to her, that she can refuse my suggestions,
and/or that we can talk about it at another time.
I try to ask about concerns that she has
expressed in the past. For example, she might
not want to visit Emma because 1) it's too far
2)it might rain 3)Emma's too busy; so I ask
about each concern it turn and suggest how
we might handle the concern she is anxious
about and ask if that approach is okay with her.
Of course, some people are naturally
reluctant to communicate, regardless of age.
Sometimes you simply have to make the
best decisions you can, and hope that
you get it right most of the time. Keep
asking your mother the questions, but don't
push her too hard; eventually she'll
know that you are asking out of concern for
her, and that will be a comfort to her even
if she doesn't answer the questions.