Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I know many seniors are afraid of assisted living. But if you are at the end of your tether and need to make this decision but your spouse is unwilling, is there any other option? Can a social worker assist with options? More home care?
The other option is normally wait for an incident when they are in hospital. In these cases the family insists there is no one at home to care for them and then they will be transferred to an assisted living or nursing home.
I know its hard. I hope you can get additional supports soon for yourself and your elderly spouse.
One more thing...if he's the one who had the stroke (I'm unclear from your query), there may be vascular dementia in play. As in, his memory is fine but judgement and reasoning are off.
I'm sorry there haven't been more answers. I think perhaps this will get you bumped up so there are more.
Valahey, what kind of relationship do you have with your spouse?
Is he selfish and wants what he wants? Has he always been like this, or is this recent...meaning that there might be some dementia?
Have you thought about leaving? Does he know that? Because if it was a choice between my health and him going to a care center, where I could be his advocate, i know which one I'd choose. Because it would be for his own good.
I did a quick search of previous questions of this sort. Everyone mentions that an Eldercare attorney to look after YOUR interests is a good person to have on your team.
I'm curious if a family doctor can say it's time for assisted living? My dad lives alone and has fallen four times now. The first three times we took him to emergency just to get it in his medical record. The other day he fell again and he refused to go to the emergency room because he if afraid they will say he can't live alone. Yet when we take him for his doctor appointments, she never mentions AL.
The problem is you can't physically pick up an adult man and forcefully take him anywhere. My husband was diagnosed with frontolobe dementia when he was forced to see a psychiatrist in order to get his drivers license back after an accident he caused. Before that he absolutely refused to see a doctor. The dementia he has, I believe, is something called anosognosia....a condition in which a person's brain damage will not allow them to even realize anything is wrong. His reasoning is that since nothing is wrong with me I'm not going to see a doctor. I can see this happening with your husband's refusal to consider assisted living. I agree, most of these suggestions are kind, but don't give you (or me) any practical suggestions. For me, I've contacted our coroner's office.....don't laugh....in Louisiana that's where you start to get a protective custody order. I've asked to complete the paper work for an involuntary commitment, if this reaches the point that I can no longer cope with him. I believe what would happen next is that law enforcement officers would pick him up and take him to an appropriate facility for treatment. I really do hope it won't come to that.
The problem is you can't physically pick up an adult man and forcefully take him anywhere. My husband was diagnosed with frontolobe dementia when he was forced to see a psychiatrist in order to get his drivers license back after an accident he caused. Before that he absolutely refused to see a doctor. The dementia he has, I believe, is something called anosognosia....a condition in which a person's brain damage will not allow them to even realize anything is wrong. His reasoning is that since nothing is wrong with me I'm not going to see a doctor. I can see this happening with your husband's refusal to consider assisted living. I agree, most of these suggestions are kind, but don't give you (or me) any practical suggestions. For me, I've contacted our coroner's office.....don't laugh....in Louisiana that's where you start to get a protective custody order. I've asked to complete the paper work for an involuntary commitment, if this reaches the point that I can no longer cope with him. I believe what would happen next is that law enforcement officers would pick him up and take him to an appropriate facility for treatment. I really do hope it won't come to that.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I know many seniors are afraid of assisted living. But if you are at the end of your tether and need to make this decision but your spouse is unwilling, is there any other option? Can a social worker assist with options? More home care?
The other option is normally wait for an incident when they are in hospital. In these cases the family insists there is no one at home to care for them and then they will be transferred to an assisted living or nursing home.
I know its hard. I hope you can get additional supports soon for yourself and your elderly spouse.
Thinking of you.
I'm sorry there haven't been more answers. I think perhaps this will get you bumped up so there are more.
Is he selfish and wants what he wants? Has he always been like this, or is this recent...meaning that there might be some dementia?
Have you thought about leaving? Does he know that? Because if it was a choice between my health and him going to a care center, where I could be his advocate, i know which one I'd choose. Because it would be for his own good.
Does his doctor say he's incompetent? You could then sue for guardianship, but it doesn't sound like that's an option.
Are you interested in moving to AL? Is the issue that he doesn't want to be separated from you?
The thing is, the OP's husband is physically disabled, but it doesn't appear that he's been diagnosed with any cognitive or mental impairment.
In any event, she seems to have " left the building ".
I did a quick search of previous questions of this sort. Everyone mentions that an Eldercare attorney to look after YOUR interests is a good person to have on your team.
See All Answers