My 92 year old mom who has cognitive decline often gets lonely during the day despite having me and other caregivers in several times during the week. She is often reluctant to participate in activities. She has a friend she has bonded with and I thought it might be good for them both if they roomed together. Thought they could watch out for each other somewhat. It would also have the added benefit of saving some money. A friend suggested I turn to this community to get the thoughts and experiences of others who might have had a similar arrangement for their parents. One downside is that while the apartments are spacious they are only one bedroom units. Many people still room together in the one bedroom units, however.
I been reading this story about Helen and Twilla, here. https://story.californiasunday.com/covid-life-care-center-kirkland-washington/
It leads off with Covid (this is the first NH to have got it), but that's not what I want to talk about for a minute.
Helen was 98 and her roommate, Twilla, would sometimes say that she wanted to kill Helen until the severely demented Twilla died of Covid.
Helen was and is paying $11,000 out of pocket to stay at this place. She can apparently stay there until the age of 103 with what she saved. Twilla was on Medicaid. I'm sorry but why can't Helen have a private room at that cost? If she ended up being a government burden like Twilla was, then at that time she should be roomed with someone at the same present level of cognition.
sorry that brought back bad memories . I’d say if you know your mother and woman get along and will have to eventually cohabitate ..I’d do it sooner rather than end up later with no choice in roommates.
The thing that bothers me the most is the shared bathroom. With dementia, my mom has no idea what towel is hers, what toothbrush is hers, etc.... their personal hygiene and bathroom habits are worse than a toddlers. I will let your imagination fill in the blanks there. I have learned to let go of a lot.....LOL
How this is going to go for your mom depends a lot on the stage she is in as well.
Good Luck.
, she too is in a wheelchair. I get her coffee and put a blanket on her when she is cold. My mom forgets that she has a roommate.
I think the facility should help you determine personalities.
I learned that my mom’s first roommate has a roommate that is just as mean, they get along but are abusive to the staff
about it but you never know.
change. One of my hopes is that having the more consistent socialization with two people who get along with each other is that it might slow that process down.
And don't compare men to women.
how seriously they are actually thinking about it.
Mom refused to get out of the wheelchair and threw fit after fit. She threw an actual bedpan at me, in her angry state.
OS stepped in, made a couple of calls and moved mom to a more expensive NH and paid the difference between the 2 facilities. All of $25 a day.
Some people would welcome the company. Some can't bear it. We knew going in that mom didn't want to 'share' and so this was quite a drama for a day.
Personally, I would want a private room. I need quiet. Everyone is different.
Most elderly are not as motivated and intelligent as you are!
You need your own space for sure.
Him and his roommate were the best of buddies and worked around the little issues, like what to watch on TV.
I remember my dad telling me about their late night talks and being so grateful that they had each other to feel more secure and comforted.
Is the living room bigger then the bedroom? You could turn the bedroom into a TV/day room and put the beds in the living room if bed space is a problem. Both my dad and his roomy had twin beds in a single room, tucked up against opposite walls to avoid tripping over each others walkers.
PS I forgot the obvious - ask the AL staff if they have any comments!