My father is now 60 and has been an alcoholic since I was a child (I am 24). I have recently moved back into the town that he lives in because of the awful state I found him in when visiting a few weeks prior. I had found him on the couch and brought him into the hospital where the doctors diagnosed him with diabetes, with his condition being critical (his sugars were up to 67).
He is now back home suffering from short term memory loss, a nurse comes to inject him with insulin every morning, and he is suppose to check his sugars 3 or 4 times a day, also inject insulin himself before every meal ( but he doesn't understand how or forgets to do it). He is still drinking daily, and I'm struggling with understanding what I can do at this point. I left my school and home that i had built to come and try to support him and his situation. He refuses to stop drinking and is so stubborn and verbally abusive when I try to enable good eating habits or any type of change.
I feel awful because I haven't been to see him in the past few days, but its just so terribly hard and draining. I dont know what other types of options there are for someone who is in this type of condition. I had made this grand plan of getting a place together and slowly getting his life in order, but any word of positive change he rejects and gets angry over. He constantly tells me he just needs me to support/love/be there for him, but its something I just cannot do without seeing any effort on his side. But not being there for him leaves me worried, and always guilty.
My brother was an alcoholic who did not want to quit. He started drinking first thing each morning just to "get right." He wasn't able to keep a job. He was very abusive to his son, so finally his wife left him. He stole money and lied. To talk to him, he was so sweet and sappy. I knew him, though, and knew it was all lies. He was married to the bottle. After losing everything, he finally drank himself to death at 57. The sad thing is that no one was sad about it. No one knew what to do with him. No one could help him until he wanted to quit drinking.
If you can talk your father into a 12-step program, that would be good. Pam's idea of al-anon for yourself is a good idea. When dealing with an alcoholic, the serenity prayer is so good:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
When it comes to an alcoholic, only they have the power to change themselves. I hop that your father will want this. If he sweet-talks you, don't let yourself become his "co-dependent." If he wants to change, it is on him.
You can't get your father to quit drinking no matter what your do. The prospect of not drinking, to your dad, is scarier than anything you can ever imagine. Trust me, I know. All the love and support in the world won't convince your dad to give it up.
What you can do is take care of yourself. I agree with Pam. Find an Alanon meeting and learn how to care for yourself while having an active alcoholic in the family. You can't manage his alcoholism or his diabetes for him.