Caregiver for mom for 5 years, etc, all that good yet exhausting stuff. Anyways she got sick *again* to the point she was delirious, incoherent, couldn't sit up straight (she's post stroke, left side paralyzed, but she could still get up and transfer to wheelchair and what not before she got sick just recently)
Last night they were telling us they strongly believe she has dementia, isn't eating right, is on a special diet to avoid asparating, was in so much pain had to give her morphine shot. And had no idea when her release might be, "probably not for a while" to quote the nurse.
Today they called my the house and talked to my dad at NOON (her ex, his only real relationship to her is he let's her and me live in his house to make things easier) and told him they'd be releasing her at 2, with a transport and basically dropping her off.
I called them and chewed them out because they didn't call me or any of her emergency contacts with the excuse "the man we talked to said he was her spouse" got them to postpone till 10pm. But they're saying she has to be out by midnight?
What the hell do I do? I saw her this morning and there is no way I can take care of her while shes still like this, I don't even know what to feed her with this special diet and if she can't sit up or anything I can't transfer her dead weight (she's fairly large lady) to take her to the restroom or anything.
What do I do? What do I tell them? How the hell do I prevent them from trying to send her home in a state where she's just gonna end up in the ER again within 24 hours if I try to take care of her like this.
Irony of all this is talked with her social worker just two days ago who told me they let me know in advance of her release, how to go about it, and that if we decided to take her we'd be responsible for picking her up because they specifically don't have transports.
Now my dad is calling me (I'm out of town at this point even because no one said they'd be releasing her today this morning and told them that that's why they postponed it) freaking out at noon telling me they told him they're gonna (if they had their way shed be home right now) send her home today in a transport. No warning or anything. They didn't even ask if there was anyone to be her caregiver (I guess they assumed it would be me although they never confirmed)
Please, if anyone knows of this stuff or has experience I have no idea what I'm supposed to do or say to keep her under care, because I was at my breaking point trying to take care of my before when she wasn't sick, there is no way I can do it with the condition she's currently in.
1. Write a letter ( sent certified and return receipt) to the Patient Advocacy department of the hospital, outlining what happened at discharge. Use name of employee, dates and times.
Cc to your lawyer, state senator and representative ( best if you call their offices and get the name of the person in their office who handles health care and elder affairs so you can direct letter properly).
2. Get in touch with rehab proactively and Express your interest in having mom placed in LTC, so that they KNOW from the get go that she is NOT coming home. They need to be working with family immediately on placement and the payment stream.
3. Identify as well what hospital mom will be sent to from Rehab if a medical issue occurs. If it's the same place, then it behooves you to go further and contact the hospitalist department about the snafu that occurred with lack of communication between medical and discharge.
Ok 1stly UNSAFE DISCHARGE. Use these words to the Social Worker.
2ndly they cannot MAKE you get in your car to drive to the hospital to collect your Mum.
3rdly, how is Dad feeling about this? If you freaked out & walked, could he care for her? If transport bring her home & he is standing at the front door saying "No I can't do it, take her back". That's last resort stuff.
I would get on the phone asap to Socoal Worker to stop the discharge.
Could be delerium? Delerium & Dementia can look similar BUT Delerium comes on sudden (UTI can cause, or operation). Dementia does not happen suddenly. Stroke does. Has Mum been cleared of chest infection, UTI, further stroke???
And as far as I know they're still treating and plan to send her home with medicine (antibiotics and the like) the papers they gave me said she had renial failure and sepsis.
She's still on a special diet where she can only drink viscous liquids and special foods to avoid asparating resulting in pneumonia.
I got it postponed till tonight but my sister tried and I guess someone tried saying they have documented proof saying me and her (it's funny because she wasn't even there with me during the visit, she lives 40 miles away and was at work when we admitted mom so she she chewed her out too) would take our mom home today when until 3 hours ago it's been nothing but "we don't know when she'll be discharged
I have a question -- is it just to save themselves work that hospital SWs try to foist the care off on family members instead of investigating placement in rehab?
Or do they get some kind of kickback from Medicare for saving money by not recommending rehab (which I doubt happens)?
The jist of what happened:
They called the house phone, talked to my dad (her ex husband, didn't even ask for me) and said that my dad identified himself as her spouse (which he hasn't done since they've been divorced, over 30 years now. He always refers to my mom by her name and refers to himself as her ex-husband) which he said he told her he was her ex, and told her he (thought) I was still asleep in my room and that he'd forward the message to me and I'd get back to her.
I call her, she answers very snootily and says she got confirmation from my mom's spouse that she could be sent home. Upon revealing he's not her spouse, has nothing to do with her care, and is so unaware of the daily goings on he hadn't even realized I left the house almost 3 hours before she even called.
She starts getting defensive after I question what the hell she thought she was doing trying to send a sick elderly woman home to a man who's identity she was unable to confirm, and didn't bother to notify/contact any of the 4 emergency contacts we left them with (me, 2 of my sisters, and my brother)
"Well, once I found out he was her spouse I'm legally allowed to schedule to send her home. I did my job by getting a hold of her spouse." "How did you confirm that?" "He told me" "Do you bet your job on it? Because I hope you have a recording of him telling you and confirming he's her married spouse, which I know you don't because he'd never refer to himself as her spouse, always as her ex. Otherwise your ass is grass when this gets to court and the local news."
Then the truth comes out "Well if he's living there with you and your mom I assume he's part of the household and able to take care of-" "Oh, so you're lying then? You assumed? Are you that terrible at your job? Are you trying that hard to get fired?" She hangs up.
My sister calls her, still snooty and then tries to put one over on us again by telling my sister "I have documentation that both you and your brother agreed to take her home today." that's when my sister went off and told her she'll be having her boss send her proof of her, as well as a written witness that she was working during the time this lady claims she was at the hospital with me "agreeing to take her home."
And I never talked to anyone or signed any documents saying I would for sure be taking her, a social worker talked to me once, asked for emergency contacts and said she'd follow up with when they plan to release and all that and whether she would be coming home with us or being placed for the time being and that was it.
At that point she starts acting like she's going to "compromise" and call some people and see if she can find her last minute placement "to be nice." Lady, you've been nothing but a rude, lying, b-word since you got the phone.
Basically: within a period of about 3 hours, this worker tried to schedule my mom's release (which she is still very unwell) and send her and drop her off at a house with a man that this lady never even confirmed was even part of our family, let alone a safe/reliable person to take care of her. When she got called by us and realized her mistake she went into defensive mode and started making up actual lies to try and scare us and cover her ass claiming she has documents and proof, none of which she bothered to tell us how she supposedly acquired. When she realized we weren't falling for it, and found out her "proof" would be disproved with my sister's work records; that's when she did a 180 and tried to act like she was considerate person who was going to help us out by finding her placement last minute.
All this occurred this morning despite last night around 5pm we were told by a doctor and a nurse that they think she has dementia, is still not eating right/aspirating, is getting morphine for pain, still getting antibiotic IV and have no idea when she might be released based on her current condition.
Needless to say, we will never be returning to that hospital. They obviously have manipulative sociopaths working for them who can't just admit when they made a mistake, and work with the patients to fix their error. Instead they make up lies and use bullying/scare tactics to try and hide their oversight.
They sent her to the hospital and the doctor is the one that told us he thought she had dementia after about 2 days on the antibiotics, we told them we thought she was acting that way because of the infection like the other doctor told us.
However, apparently she doesn't have dementia. Two nights ago the doctors and nurses were certain she did, which we were confused about. But then the next day, around 12 hours later (yesterday) she's suddenly fine and good to go for release.
I think this doctor had no idea what he was doing and I'm hoping the Dr. at this facility can enlighten us or give us a second opinion.
Otherwise; she's always been sound of mind and never had any issues of incoherence or mental problems.
To elaborate more: This same exact thing happened in December, so similar it was like Deja Vu, so much so I actually knew the doctor was going to tell us it was some kind of infection since we just experienced this a few months prior.
Mom woke up delirious, incoherent, etc. (You can actually read about, I posted it on here about my guilt of potentially having to leave her in a facility. I'm sure the post is still up and connected to my profile) she had blood infection and she was on antibiotics for about a week and her mental health was more or less back to normal, she was her "old" self again, essentially. At that point doctor said he still doesn't want her going home yet (obviously that doctor had way more common sense than this last one did,) he wants her in rehab because he believes we can't take care of her properly if she can't get out of bed. She's in rehab for about 3 months, a family member who should really stop involving themselves in these matters, took her out and I got sucked into taking care of her again, like always.
At that point she was more or less close to her old self (before she got sick) but still weak when it comes to doing transfers and stuff. Honestly, she should've never been taken out/come home and I should've never gone back to caring for her. She's obviously declined to a point (health wise) that I took care of her for 5+ years with no problems, but now, the past year, she's gotten sick with two very bad infections twice in 6 months and has gotten significantly weaker than she ever was. Obviously something has to be going on if she keeps getting sick, and her health declining so much, when she had a good 5+ of being perfectly healthy (aside from the stroke and the weight) and I honestly don't think she can come home again. If she does she's probably just going to get sick again in a few weeks/months just like last time.