Mom & my brother live together. Brother works all day Wed-Sat. I think Mom needs in care help, he says not right now, says he can do it. Ever since Covid she has not been out of the house as right before covid hit she fell in the house and stopped driving after that. She does talk to friends on the phone. She is 91. She is lucid, I live out of state. I am worried about her as her mobility is slowing down.
What are your reasons for suggesting home help? Are there specific areas Mom is needing help with? Like washing, dressing, meals?
What reasons does your Mom have against help?
What about your Brother?
Listen to their replies. Do you hear words like cost, embarrassment, trust?
Sometimes the barriers are lack of trust in non-family people. Or maybe pride at doing a great caregiving job - that no-one else should be needed. Sometimes they don't prioritise the same things.
You could try the angle of *adding more care* in case either is defensive & has an attitude of "we can cope just fine, thankyou!"
Speak to your brother with love, without criticizing his care. Let him know that that he and your mother are important. Very often, siblings will speak about their parents and totally neglect the person who is doing the caregiving.
I am not accusing you of any of this but it does happen. Please take the time to thank your brother for caring for your mom.
Hoping all goes well in your family as you plan for your mom’s future.
Also, loneliness is a big problem for our seniors. She is cloistered all day. You may want to suggest a companion from an agency, starting with 1 half day a week. It needs to be "the right chemistry" and you may need to cycle through a few agency aids to find the right one. That's what we did with my aunt with dementia. When we found the right person, she was with my aunt for 6 years, 4 days a week, 4 hrs a day. Recently my aunt now needs an aid who is qualified to work with someone who is a fall risk, be able to transfer her (from one chair to another or into her bed) and maybe even give showers. Your mom may not need this now but it is very likely she may need it in the near future. The companion played cards with my aunt, watched tv with her, talked politics, took her on errands and walks, etc. She was like family. Highly recommend this for your mom. She will resist at first so maybe have this person start by driving her out for errands, and being a driver. From there it will be more "natural" for your mom to become accustomed to her presence and help. Wishing you all the best.