Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Welcome to the forum. You will find folks in the same situation as yourself here.
Burnout is a real thing and takes a terrible toll. Part of taking care of your wife is making sure you take care of yourself. I know that’s easier said than done.
If your wife is able to go out, she might benefit from a seniors day care which would give you some free time. If your budget allows, look for an aide to come in and relieve you of part of her care.
Contact your local Area Agency on Aging and speak to them about respite care and other services you and wife may be eligible for.
See if their is a group with the Alzheimer’s Assoc. You can find caregivers in a similar situation who can share resources in your area that they have found useful.
Visit Memory Care facilities and/or NHs to see if those services would be appropriate for your wife.
Make sure you seek the advice of an experienced certified elder law attorney to help you navigate Medicaid if that will be necessary to receive help. As a community spouse, your portion of your assets and income will be protected from any spend-down needed to qualify your wife for Medicaid services.
State laws and benefits are different and one persons experience is not the same as the next persons so please explore resources to find the services best for your wife and yourself. I hope you find the forum useful.
First you must have proper care for your wife so you can get out and have some fun and a life. I would recommend an adult daycare center for her as she can be there up to 8 hours a day 5 days a week, and will get breakfast, lunch and a snack along with lots of fun activities for her to do. It sounds like your wife has early onset Alzheimer's which can go on for many many years, so best to get your "ducks in a row" now. One of the gentlemen in my caregivers support group just lost his wife this month who had early onset Alzheimer's and she was in her 21st year with it, so you can see it can go on for a very long time. Once you have your wife taken care of, then you can go to your local Senior Center as they usually have lots going on for folks. Also I highly recommend finding a local caregiver support group that you can share with and know that you're not alone. And I'm sure there will be other men there that you will be able to relate to. And call me old fashion(and I'm ok with that)but I will never recommend that someone seek "companionship" from someone of the opposite sex while married. As most of us took vows that said in sickness and health till death do us part. But there is a lot you can do with other men like playing cards, tennis, golf, working out at the gym, volunteering at the charity of your choice, just to name a few. The most important thing you can do as a caregiver is make sure that you're taking time to do the things that you enjoy so you can be the best version of yourself for your wife. May God bless you and keep you as you take this journey with your wife.
Whatever you do to find companionship, please please keep in mind that there are very experienced financial predators out there who will find you a perfect target.
Do not "meet" people online (often the women are actually male fraudsters).
Try to meet people that are local to you (so, no long-distance internet relationships -- even "friendships").
If any new friend or companion (especially of the opposite sex) asks for money, cut them off and run away (no matter how nice/sincere/sweet/innocent they seem). Don't broadcast that you are looking for companionship. Even here on this forum every once in a while a fraudster posts here "looking for companionship" and we report them right away. Not you, but criminals who are fishing for their next victim.
You got good advice about joining a faith-based organization, community volunteer groups, and hobby groups etc. Nextdoor.com is a good source of information since it is an intranet of your actual neighbors and is non-anonymous. But don't talk about your situation to people you don't know well enough.
My family member was the victim of a financial scam through a female caregiver. He was an elderly single stroke patient. She seemed really nice. But she slowly took everything, even his dog. Got PoA for him, convinced him to sign over titles, emptied his bank accounts then skipped town and disappeared into the fog. Always think about where something like this would leave your wife, as well as you.
I agree Geaton, These people are smart manipulative people. A friend was almost scammed by someone. Met him online. " International business man ". There was a lot in common kids out of the house etc. When he was out of town on "business" he would call. After awhile he started asking her to pay for phone calls because money was tight. Perhaps a money transfer could help him out? On one of these conversations he revealed what he said was his address. Which is less than five miles from MY house. It was a broken down mobile home not the ranch house he described to her. ( we googled the address ). He kept calling he became very angry and started name calling etc. Luckily my friend knows a detective on our local police force. He told her on the next phone call to say " I've contacted the police. Leave me alone.". He continued for awhile but obviously found someone else to prey upon. She was fortunate she escaped.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Welcome to the forum. You will find folks in the same situation as yourself here.
Burnout is a real thing and takes a terrible toll. Part of taking care of your wife is making sure you take care of yourself. I know that’s easier said than done.
If your wife is able to go out, she might benefit from a seniors day care which would give you some free time.
If your budget allows, look for an aide to come in and relieve you of part of her care.
Contact your local Area Agency on Aging and speak to them about respite care and other services you and wife may be eligible for.
See if their is a group with the Alzheimer’s Assoc. You can find caregivers in a similar situation who can share resources in your area that they have found useful.
Visit Memory Care facilities and/or NHs to see if those services would be appropriate for your wife.
Make sure you seek the advice of an experienced certified elder law attorney to help you navigate Medicaid if that will be necessary to receive help. As a community spouse, your portion of your assets and income will be protected from any spend-down needed to qualify your wife for Medicaid services.
State laws and benefits are different and one persons experience is not the same as the next persons so please explore resources to find the services best for your wife and yourself. I hope you find the forum useful.
I would recommend an adult daycare center for her as she can be there up to 8 hours a day 5 days a week, and will get breakfast, lunch and a snack along with lots of fun activities for her to do.
It sounds like your wife has early onset Alzheimer's which can go on for many many years, so best to get your "ducks in a row" now.
One of the gentlemen in my caregivers support group just lost his wife this month who had early onset Alzheimer's and she was in her 21st year with it, so you can see it can go on for a very long time.
Once you have your wife taken care of, then you can go to your local Senior Center as they usually have lots going on for folks. Also I highly recommend finding a local caregiver support group that you can share with and know that you're not alone. And I'm sure there will be other men there that you will be able to relate to.
And call me old fashion(and I'm ok with that)but I will never recommend that someone seek "companionship" from someone of the opposite sex while married. As most of us took vows that said in sickness and health till death do us part.
But there is a lot you can do with other men like playing cards, tennis, golf, working out at the gym, volunteering at the charity of your choice, just to name a few.
The most important thing you can do as a caregiver is make sure that you're taking time to do the things that you enjoy so you can be the best version of yourself for your wife.
May God bless you and keep you as you take this journey with your wife.
Please don’t get a girlfriend. You’re married. You and your wife vowed to be faithful.
If you want to be un-faithful, get a divorce. You can still help your ex-wife, and you wouldn’t be breaking your vows.
Do not "meet" people online (often the women are actually male fraudsters).
Try to meet people that are local to you (so, no long-distance internet relationships -- even "friendships").
If any new friend or companion (especially of the opposite sex) asks for money, cut them off and run away (no matter how nice/sincere/sweet/innocent they seem). Don't broadcast that you are looking for companionship. Even here on this forum every once in a while a fraudster posts here "looking for companionship" and we report them right away. Not you, but criminals who are fishing for their next victim.
You got good advice about joining a faith-based organization, community volunteer groups, and hobby groups etc. Nextdoor.com is a good source of information since it is an intranet of your actual neighbors and is non-anonymous. But don't talk about your situation to people you don't know well enough.
My family member was the victim of a financial scam through a female caregiver. He was an elderly single stroke patient. She seemed really nice. But she slowly took everything, even his dog. Got PoA for him, convinced him to sign over titles, emptied his bank accounts then skipped town and disappeared into the fog. Always think about where something like this would leave your wife, as well as you.
These people are smart manipulative people. A friend was almost scammed by someone. Met him online. " International business man ". There was a lot in common kids out of the house etc. When he was out of town on "business" he would call. After awhile he started asking her to pay for phone calls because money was tight. Perhaps a money transfer could help him out? On one of these conversations he revealed what he said was his address. Which is less than five miles from MY house. It was a broken down mobile home not the ranch house he described to her.
( we googled the address ). He kept calling he became very angry and started name calling etc. Luckily my friend knows a detective on our local police force. He told her on the next phone call to say " I've contacted the police. Leave me alone.". He continued for awhile but obviously found someone else to prey upon. She was fortunate she escaped.
Divorce if you want to cheat.
we never, ever see a woman on the forum caring for her Alzheimer’s husband, asking what you ask. It’s always a man asking.
OP, do the right thing.
Don’t cheat on her.