She is stubborn and when I ask her to take a shower she always says that she grew up without ever taking one so she doesn't need one now.
However, she is smelling like urine and is stinking up my whole house.
I have a partner who is sick of her being here and wants me to put her in a home, but I would feel too guilty.
My mother has always been somewhat of a recluse and doeesn't really like people around. She just watches TV all day and sometimes will do crossword puzzles or read magazines. I can't take her anywhere lately, because of the pandemic and her smelling awful. She doesn't listen when I tell her not to touch everything. She doesn't want to do anything I tell her to do, plus she has dementia.
What can I do?
I understand that you would feel guilty about putting her in a home. BUT often it really is the right answer. Living with someone with dementia is HARD. And it just gets harder. Maybe you can limp it along for awhile longer. Get someone to come in to handle giving her a shower or a sponge bath. And someone to give you a break. The 24/7 demands of dementia are too much for one person to shoulder. Get help and keep your sanity.
And when you just can't do it anymore, know you did what you could and place her somewhere that can deal with her needs on a 24/7 basis. You can let yourself get to a place where you don't have to be feeling guilty about it. It's often a necessity and you deserve a life too.
Good luck.
Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to learn all about dementia and how to handle your mother who refuses to bathe. And how to create a safe environment for her to feel comfortable to bathe, etc. Alzheimers.org is a good website to learn more about dementia and what lies ahead if you keep her at home where she will require 24/7 care at some point.
Wishing you good luck and Godspeed