Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Your profile says your mom is 78 years old, has dementia/ALZ among other issues, and:
"I'm my mother's carer. I've given up work and she won't give me a penny."
Your mom's shock, grief and the big change in her life had rocked her mentally and cognitively. Not sure what you mean by "motivated"... do you mean "back to her normal self"? I think you need to let some more time pass for her to adjust, but all bets are off if she also has cognitive impairment. Have you spoken to her doctor about the possibility of meds to help her?
Then there's the issue of you giving up your life to care for her...for free. This is unsustainable and unwise. I realize she is your mom but please read some of the many other posts from people who did what you are now doing only to be left penniless, in ill health and with deep regrets. And it didn't change the trajectory of their loved ones' earthly exit. If you have legal authority as your mother's representative, you must begin to pay yourself or else consider transitioning her into a care facility. I'm guessing you're not in the States, so can't give you much other advice than that. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart. I'm very sorry for the loss of your father.
She could be depressed from her husband's death. Lots of people go on anti-depressants, short term, while dealing with the death of a loved one. Or accept it as kind of normal to be depressed (not motivated) while grieving.
How bad is her mental capacity? If she's still somewhat with it, try to get her interested in something that could help her. Like a walk or a drive. Get her out of the house. Even a doctor's appt, to make her get up and dressed and out in public.
Six weeks is hardly long enough for someone to grieve the loss of a spouse. Refocus from motivation to emotional support, soothing and calming. I suspect she's "awkward and horrid" b/c she's trying to mourn the loss of a soulmate, not get motivated to respond to whatever you would like her to do.
Walk in her shoes for days and get a better sense of what she's going through. Find ways to support and console her. Spend mother and daughter time, talking, listening to soothing music, going for rides in scenic areas if weather permits.
What were or are her interests? Does she garden? Like flowers? I used to bring a bouquet for my mother whenever I visited during difficult times.
Change your goal from "motivating" her to consoling her.
You don’t have to push yourself past your limits. Do whatever you are comfortable with in order to help your mom.
The actual truth is, other than offering her compassionate support during this difficult time, there isn’t anything else that you can do to change her circumstances.
My experience with my mom is that her dementia gets substantially worse with major physical or emotional crises. She goes downhill in big steps, not gradually, when something big happens that a healthy person could handle.
When my dad died in 2018, my mom's cognizance took a deep dive from which she never recovered. She wasn't in great shape cognitively anyway, but after his death sunk in, she went downhill. Within four months she completely forgot him and invented an imaginary second husband.
She went in the hospital fora blood infection this past December, caught Covid while there, and is only now starting to resurface health-wise. However, now she's not speaking any longer, and I don't think she knows me now. That probably won't get better if we go by her history.
Don't expect your mother to get motivated. A big piece of her life has disappeared.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
"I'm my mother's carer. I've given up work and she won't give me a penny."
Your mom's shock, grief and the big change in her life had rocked her mentally and cognitively. Not sure what you mean by "motivated"... do you mean "back to her normal self"? I think you need to let some more time pass for her to adjust, but all bets are off if she also has cognitive impairment. Have you spoken to her doctor about the possibility of meds to help her?
Then there's the issue of you giving up your life to care for her...for free. This is unsustainable and unwise. I realize she is your mom but please read some of the many other posts from people who did what you are now doing only to be left penniless, in ill health and with deep regrets. And it didn't change the trajectory of their loved ones' earthly exit. If you have legal authority as your mother's representative, you must begin to pay yourself or else consider transitioning her into a care facility. I'm guessing you're not in the States, so can't give you much other advice than that. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart. I'm very sorry for the loss of your father.
How bad is her mental capacity? If she's still somewhat with it, try to get her interested in something that could help her. Like a walk or a drive. Get her out of the house. Even a doctor's appt, to make her get up and dressed and out in public.
Walk in her shoes for days and get a better sense of what she's going through. Find ways to support and console her. Spend mother and daughter time, talking, listening to soothing music, going for rides in scenic areas if weather permits.
What were or are her interests? Does she garden? Like flowers? I used to bring a bouquet for my mother whenever I visited during difficult times.
Change your goal from "motivating" her to consoling her.
Transitional times are always the most difficult.
She needs time to adjust.
You don’t have to push yourself past your limits. Do whatever you are comfortable with in order to help your mom.
The actual truth is, other than offering her compassionate support during this difficult time, there isn’t anything else that you can do to change her circumstances.
Best wishes to you and your family.
When my dad died in 2018, my mom's cognizance took a deep dive from which she never recovered. She wasn't in great shape cognitively anyway, but after his death sunk in, she went downhill. Within four months she completely forgot him and invented an imaginary second husband.
She went in the hospital fora blood infection this past December, caught Covid while there, and is only now starting to resurface health-wise. However, now she's not speaking any longer, and I don't think she knows me now. That probably won't get better if we go by her history.
Don't expect your mother to get motivated. A big piece of her life has disappeared.