I have been the caregiver for my client for 12 years. I work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week and other caregivers are there for the other 2.
My client lives with her son and daughter in law who pay the agency for care. The son travels for work and the daughter in law has been working from the house since April.
The last few months have been rough financially for me. When Covid started, the daughter in law gave me sanitizer, toilet paper, wipes and supplies. She said if I needed anything, just ask. I ran out of wipes and took a container and some toilet paper and now she is upset and wants me fired and out of her house. We had a meeting and she said its not about the things, it is principle. I have apologized and repayed her money for the items I took, thinking it was ok to just tell her and repay her. My client was upset.
The daughter in law is now very, very upset and wants my client out of her house because shifts are missed by other caregivers and me. She went to a lawyer who told her to serve her with eviction paper, a 30 day cancellation of the contract and not to do anything for her. She has taken this to heart. She left her alone 4 days with no care, nothing to eat and no one to change her undergarments. When I confronted her today she said she pays an agency to staff the home.
My client will be forced into a nursing home and my client does not want to go. My boss said to stay out of it because it is family dynamics not abuse. How can I protect my client because the agency wont?
I would be thinking about firing you as well. Paying after the fact because you got caught doesn't sit well.
How could your client be left alone for 4 days if you work 5 days a week and someone comes in the other 2? Are the aides flaking out or is the agency?
If you and other aides don't show up, what makes you think that your client shouldn't be put in a nursing home? If she can't take care of herself, well, she needs to be in a facility. What she wants doesn't factor in. Sorry.
In any event, it sounds like you've either been let go or are about to be let go, so your hands are tied as a former care giver. If you haven't been let go yet, why wasn't your client cared for in 4 days? Makes no sense.
Wishing you the best of luck with finding a new position.
The daughter in law is upset because on my days off there is no care and she does not want to do it. My client said she is very mad and is lazy and disrespectful to her. She tells her that she pays an agency so she does not have to do care. My co workers will no longer go to the home because she installed cameras.
I hope I didn't miss something in your report here. I wish you good luck.
My client is upset and cries everyday and tells me how the daughter in law is manipulating her son. She is competent and has no POA or guardian. She is generous to me, gives me gas money and bought me new tires. I am trying to help her so she can stay where she is, she does not want to leave.
Who do you think you are that you get to decide that this "competent" person gets to mooch off her son and DIL?
I would be turning you in to the agency and the licensing bureau to ensure that you never have the chance to financially exploit a vulnerable person again.
If you feel there is abuse happening, then by all means, report it to APS. However, where do you plan on going from there?
If, for example, APS comes in and investigates, and finds there is no abuse happening, what then? Your boss has already told you to keep out of it. You admit the "client" (The person you are taking care of is not your agency's "client" at this point in time; in your agency's mind, the client is the one who pays the bill, which is your patient's son and wife. ) gives you money over and above your salary...and now that it seems like your job with this patient is "on the line" so to speak, suddenly you are fearful for her safety. For an outsider looking in, that doesn't put you in the best light.
I understand you feel badly for your patient, who doesn't want to go into a nursing home, but I cannot stress this enough to you: THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR CALL TO MAKE! If this relationship between her and her daughter-in-law is as toxic as you seem to believe, and your patient is indeed in danger because she is being left alone when it is your belief that it is unsafe for her to be so, then don't you think a nursing home might be the best solution at this point? More importantly, are you willing to risk your employment over this, if it turns out that your assessment doesn't rise to the level of abuse? Living in a home where people scream and argue, while not ideal, doesn't rise to the level of abuse where a government agency is going to get involved. And say it is at such a level of abuse? What happens then? If the government steps in and takes guardianship, where do you think this lady will end up? She'll end up in a facility anyway.
As far as "getting her own food from the fridge" as evidence of abuse, heck, even my mom on hospice with CHF can get food for herself from her fridge!
You need to do some serious thinking about your next steps. Good luck
My client cannot get out of her chair without a stability belt and support anymore. The daughter in law stopped paying for a therapist to come in so my client is worse. How does she get the food when she cannot walk without me behind her?
I am doing nothing wrong. I am looking out for my client.
But over and above the money - if your patient is so incredibly unsafe, and her family will not pay for additional aides, then the safest place for her is in a facility. But you need to understand, whether or not APS gets involved, neither you nor APS can force her family to keep her in their home and pay for her care. APS will either 1) close the investigation with no abuse noted or 2) have your patient removed to a facility for her safety.
You say you've cared for this person for 12 years. That's a long time, and I'm sure you have developed a good relationship with her. But I imagine you've seen her health deteriorate over this time. Doubtless her family has as well. There comes a point where it is no longer safe for some people to remain in the home, much as they might want to. You might call placement "convenience"; I call it "pragmatism." But that's really neither here nor there. It is their decision to make.
You also mention eviction proceedings, which I gather are against your patient. That says to me that her son and daughter-in-law have tried to convince her that they are no longer able to care for her in their home. Whether they can't get reliable 24 hour care, or they just can't afford it, or whatever their reasons are, that's where they're at. Since it seems she refused, I'm sure son and DIL were told by their attorney that, while they can't FORCE her into a facility if she is still mentally competent. that doesn't mean she has to live with them. If they are going so far as to have her evicted to force her hand, then your boss is 100% correct that there is nothing any of you can do to change the situation.
I get that you aren't relishing the idea of trying to find a new patient to care for, for a myriad of reasons. But you seem to be looking for someone here to give you the magic words that will force your patient's family to continue with things as they are, and I really believe that ship is about to sail.
If you need your agency to help you find a place for income purposes, I would seriously consider taking your boss' advice to keep out of this decision.
Best of luck to you in whatever you decide.
You are claiming some pretty horrific things, yet you yourself are committing crimes against these people. How do you justify that?
I don't care how old you are, theft is theft and now you are trying to cause this family further heartache because you don't want to lose your job.
Your lack of integrity makes me nauseous.
your client doesn’t need to be protected from her family. She needs to be protected from you, if you can’t simply support her during this time.
I understand you’ve cared for her for 12 years and there is obviously a bond there but you’ve crossed lines that other responders already addressed. Your clients family hasn’t abused or neglected her. It sounds like they’ve kept her home for at least 12 years. That is a long time. You have no right to undermine their decision. Your clients needs are too great, she needs multiple caregivers and her family has been burdened with the task of managing that for years. When the caregivers don’t show up, the family has to deal with it in one way or another.
your heart is in the right place but your brain is not. If you really want to help your client then support her. Her support her as she goes through this next step in life and moves to a nursing home.
It was really dim of you to take the supplies without asking about them specifically. It is the principle of the thing, but it's also that there are shortages. It was never going to be okay for you to take supplies for your own purposes. Heck, I don't even use a single pair of disposable gloves or a disposable facemask that I've been issued unless it's strictly for work, I buy my own for private use.
Looking at some of the other factors: your client's son and daughter in law pay the agency fees? The DIL has been working from home for months? They've stopped paying for a therapist? These people have reached the end of their tether, in more ways than one. [though I expect the main reason for stopping the therapy is that it isn't achieving anything].
But I don't agree with the idea that your concern is motivated by self-interest. Is there any way you can continue communication with this lady once she does move out of her son's home? Are you interested in repairing your relationship with the DIL?
I feel bad because I think my actions forced her to change.
Said nobody, ever.
I took the wipes and sanitizer because my grandson graduated and we had a BBQ. I always intended to pay them back. I did not think she would care. Before working at home, homeschooling and her husband being gone so much to repair hurricane damage she was the nicest person I had ever met. She even let my other grand son come to work with me and would take the kids to the movies, museum, zoo or arcade. Since she has been home alone, she has changed.
Her husband is coming home Friday. Do you think I should talk to him?
The DIL is home now, and wants the house to herself.
OMG, do you want to tear their marriage apart? I would tell the agency that is your last day
It might still be the best decision for your client to make a change, you know. Especially if she continues to have support from people she knows well, like you.