I am caring for my 83-year-old mother after a hospital stay. Several health care professionals say that her legs are strong enough, but she says she's too weak to stand. It's been 3 weeks now and she didn't get out of bed the entire time she was in the hospital (about 10 days total). I'm taking FMLA to care for her but that can't last forever. She resists anything that hurts even a little including physical therapy. When I try to talk to her about it, she gets mad at me. She is convinced that she's not going to live that long and can just spend the rest of her life in bed but in reality, she's in fairly good health for her age. Any suggestions???
Im 1965, my grandmother broke her hip. In those days, that rendered you an invalid. GM told all her friends that she would sit in bed and "my daughters will serve me" (!).
The problem was that my aunt worked and my mom had 3 kids, including a 2 year old.
Grandma was told by her daughters that she was going to this newfangled thing callled "rehab"--Medicare had just been passed. Grandma said "I can't believe you are sending me to live amongst strangers", but she DID learn to walk again with a walker and was able to live independently for a few more years.
Get your mom to rehab, asap.
Maybe a treat that she would really love or respond to? Sometimes you just need to get the ball rolling? Maybe serve tea or coffee with cake and have a friend or relative visit? Serve it in the kitchen, and say if she wants to attend, she has to come to the kitchen. Then the next day, find a different carrot. Maybe it’s a beautiful day to just sit outside.
Try thinking outside the box, and find something tempting. But don’t cave - if she thinks she can get away with it and eat her cake too, she will.
There's another kind too - where once you've helped wipe someone's butt, they expect you to always do it (even when they have recovered). What's that called?
Nephew is playing his 'male card' (no bathroom care work). It's working for him.
What would happen if you said No? "Mother, I am going home so you must get up or go back to rehab".
What if you won a trip to Paris & left tomorrow?
I'm picturing it now.. nephew shakes head, calls Doctor gets Mom re-admitted to hospital, then rehab.
Tough love may be needed if you’ve become the crutch that prevents her from dealing with reality. Stock the frig and leave. She wants to eat, she has to get to the kitchen. She needs to dress and shower, she figures it out.
Your mom may also be suffering from depression. I know that depression can make doing anything seem like climbing a mountain. Please have her evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist. Psych medications can take awhile to build up to therapeutic levels in the blood stream. So be patient, but keep encouraging her to get up.
Tare a Drive to the Beach, what ever she would like to do.
As far as thinking she's dying, let her think whatever makes her happy, don't argue about it.
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