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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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There's a psychological tactic called "extinguishing" a behavior: you act like you didn't hear what they just said (the unwanted topic) and you respond with a completely different topic, something unrelated. At first they may repeat themselves and look at you like, "Didn't you hear what I just said?" but you still employ the tactic. Pretty soon they won't bother bringing it up because now you've conditioned them to get no satisfactory reaction to that topic. It worked like a charm with my MIL whenever she would bring up her endless health issues or badmouth her ex (my husband's father, who he loved).
I was in the homecare field for 25 years and will tell you from experience that caregivers often feel like they have to keep talking and making sure they look busy every second of their shift. If we sit down for a second or stop talking non-stop we run the risk of the client complaining that we're lazy, and ignoring them and we end up losing that position.
I don't know if you've ever done homecare. Caregiving in the home of an elder can best be described by a passage in a poem called 'The Ballad Of Reading Gaol' by Oscar Wilde.
'Each day is like a year. A year whose days are long'.
So if you don't want your aides to carry on about their former employers because they probably have exhausted every other topic of conversation they can have with you, here's what to do.
Tell each of them that you don't want to hear about their former employers and it's okay if you and them are not talking continuously. Tell them that you don't expect them to entertain you every second or to make sure they're looking busy because you're not going to get them in trouble if they sit down or aren't talking to you every second.
Tell them that it's okay if they go on their phone, read a book, watch tv, or go out for a cigarette (if they are smokers), so long as they've gotten their work done and you care needs are met.
In a nutshell, maybe try not being a fussy knit-picker to your help and they won't feel like they have to be "on" every second they're in your home.
I agree with what you said except for the going out for a cigarette part.
We had an aide that worked only on Sundays. Every time I came back to the house it seemed she was outside having a cigarette by her car parked out on the street. I was ridiculously nice about it (because I needed her more than she needed me - you try to find someone willing to work only Sundays) telling her to have her cigarette on the porch since mom was in the living room and the aide could hear her call out from the porch. I was in fact paying for her to sit with her for four hours, not really taking cigarette breaks.
God only knows how many cigarettes she smoked. I'm sure I only saw a handful of times. We eventually let her go for other reasons, but this rubbed me the wrong way.
Really? Tell them to 'straighten up'? Know what I'd tell you if I was your homecare worker and you said that to me?
Better to let the aides know that they don't have talk and entertain every second and they don't have to run around in circles making sure they look busy.
Just be decent to them so they don't feel as if they have to do these things to keep their job.
How many hours a day/week is this aide there? Why can’t she do her job without your constant attention? I would tell her that the conversation is inappropriate and please don’t bring it up anymore.
Well said, RLWG54 but often times in homecare there the amount of time you're in a client's home is a lot longer than it takes to do whatever work you're responsible for. Also, if the client has dementia you may have been hired to basically be their babysitter for a set number of hours. Hence the aide thinks they have to talk continually and be the entertainment.
The aides may be imparting this to you to hear your reassurance that you will not do whatever they’re telling you made their previous situation untenable. In a way they’re doing you a favor by sharing with you their gripes so that you two can have a conversation about what is reasonable and what isn’t.
No, PeggySue. They should not be talking about their former employers to their new employer. I remember a few of the homecare agencies I worked for years ago has us sign NDA's stating that we would not speak badly of them even after we leave their employment.
Better if the client and their family is upfront about what they want and expect from the aide. They usually aren't though. So it leads to misunderstandings. Like an aide who 'talks too much'. Then if she quiets down and there's crickets for a while she's being 'snotty' or ignoring the client. Then the client gets that aide in trouble with her agency who may be doing nothing wrong simply because that client wants to be a fussy a$$hole.
We had a senior client who's actually pretty well off mentally and does not live alone. The family was looking for companionship and someone to take her out. This client had one of my best girls going to her home.
Anyway, she called and was very sweet when she requested a different aide because the one who she had was fat and snotty. Now, I've known this girl since the day she was born. I'm also her godmother. She's a sweet and kind girl. A nursing student who actually likes elderly people.
I talked to her first before doing anything. The 'snottiness' happened because the client had been verbally abusing her about being fat and stupid since day one. She finally broke down and cried in front of the client. She also told her to go 'f' herself (which was totally justified) and left. Everyone has a breaking point and I only wish she had told me sooner.
The client was dropped from our service immediately much to the disappointment of the client and her daughter. Turns out three other care agencies have dropped this client from service before us.
This is why it's best to just be honest about what the client needs and expects. This woman wanted someone she could lash out at and be verbally abusive to.
Many times this is the case. The client enjoys causing trouble and being nasty. Then they get a homecare aide to take it out on.
Whenever someone complains to me about a former employer, it’s a red flag for me. I might quip - huh, wonder what you’ll say about me to you next employer…
you just tell them it’s inappropriate and to please stop. but you need to understand health aides do not have college education only HS if your lucky and it’s a very caring job, sometime you give people the pass but giving people boundaries you don’t want crossed is ok too!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
And then refuse to accept that kind of dialogue.
Also, it's incredibly inappropriate for them to be discussing previous employers.
I don't know if you've ever done homecare. Caregiving in the home of an elder can best be described by a passage in a poem called 'The Ballad Of Reading Gaol' by Oscar Wilde.
'Each day is like a year. A year whose days are long'.
So if you don't want your aides to carry on about their former employers because they probably have exhausted every other topic of conversation they can have with you, here's what to do.
Tell each of them that you don't want to hear about their former employers and it's okay if you and them are not talking continuously. Tell them that you don't expect them to entertain you every second or to make sure they're looking busy because you're not going to get them in trouble if they sit down or aren't talking to you every second.
Tell them that it's okay if they go on their phone, read a book, watch tv, or go out for a cigarette (if they are smokers), so long as they've gotten their work done and you care needs are met.
In a nutshell, maybe try not being a fussy knit-picker to your help and they won't feel like they have to be "on" every second they're in your home.
We had an aide that worked only on Sundays. Every time I came back to the house it seemed she was outside having a cigarette by her car parked out on the street. I was ridiculously nice about it (because I needed her more than she needed me - you try to find someone willing to work only Sundays) telling her to have her cigarette on the porch since mom was in the living room and the aide could hear her call out from the porch. I was in fact paying for her to sit with her for four hours, not really taking cigarette breaks.
God only knows how many cigarettes she smoked. I'm sure I only saw a handful of times. We eventually let her go for other reasons, but this rubbed me the wrong way.
Makes you wonder what they are saying about you.
I would tell them straight up, when they come to your house
Really? Tell them to 'straighten up'? Know what I'd tell you if I was your homecare worker and you said that to me?
Better to let the aides know that they don't have talk and entertain every second and they don't have to run around in circles making sure they look busy.
Just be decent to them so they don't feel as if they have to do these things to keep their job.
Better if the client and their family is upfront about what they want and expect from the aide. They usually aren't though. So it leads to misunderstandings. Like an aide who 'talks too much'. Then if she quiets down and there's crickets for a while she's being 'snotty' or ignoring the client. Then the client gets that aide in trouble with her agency who may be doing nothing wrong simply because that client wants to be a fussy a$$hole.
We had a senior client who's actually pretty well off mentally and does not live alone. The family was looking for companionship and someone to take her out. This client had one of my best girls going to her home.
Anyway, she called and was very sweet when she requested a different aide because the one who she had was fat and snotty. Now, I've known this girl since the day she was born. I'm also her godmother. She's a sweet and kind girl. A nursing student who actually likes elderly people.
I talked to her first before doing anything. The 'snottiness' happened because the client had been verbally abusing her about being fat and stupid since day one. She finally broke down and cried in front of the client. She also told her to go 'f' herself (which was totally justified) and left. Everyone has a breaking point and I only wish she had told me sooner.
The client was dropped from our service immediately much to the disappointment of the client and her daughter. Turns out three other care agencies have dropped this client from service before us.
This is why it's best to just be honest about what the client needs and expects. This woman wanted someone she could lash out at and be verbally abusive to.
Many times this is the case. The client enjoys causing trouble and being nasty. Then they get a homecare aide to take it out on.