My mother died in 2020, and we were concerned about my dad's safety as his mobility was declining and he had fallen in their house. We asked my dad to come out and stay with my husband and me in another state. Dad ended up liking it and got an apartment in a senior living community. His old POA had my mother as his POA, with my older brother as successor and then me.
Because my father was going to live near me, he changed his POA to me. Then my brother went on the warparth. The first thing he did was call my dad's brokerage and tell them he was incompetent. They then froze his accounts, refused to honor my POA until it was "investigated." My brother has accounts with this brokerage and seems to have influence with them. It took several weeks of conversation with my dad and sending a report from his doctor to unfreeze his accounts. During this time, my brother took a diamond engagement ring my mother had willed me and said he was holding it as "collateral" until he got what he wants.
When my dad decided to sell his house, my brother kept arguing about what he wanted, completely disregarding what my dad wanted. My brother kept claiming it was "his house." We changed the locks on the house, because we worried he would steal stuff from the house. My brother then broke into the house and installed cameras in the house. We filed a report with the police, but they said since my brother lived in another state, the DA wouldn't prosecute it.
Then my brother filed a frivolous lawsuit alleging I acted improperly as POA in the sale of my dad's house. I didn't do anything as POA, my dad signed all the contracts. Nevertheless, he attached a lien on the title of the house. Our lawyer said the case would get dismissed but it could take months to get it before judge due to pandemic. He said we could counter sue for Slander of Title. My dad was eager to sell the house, so we negotiated an agreement with my brother to allow him to take a few items of the house and he would Fedex the ring back to me. He never did, I still don't have the ring.
Then just last month, I got paperwork in the mail that my brother had filed a petition to have a third party conservator appointed for my dad, despite the fact that he has a Durable Power of Attorney. He's alleging my dad is incompetent and that I have acted improperly as POA. His petition was filled with false statements and lies, which I was able to prove through documentation I had. The court issued a report saying that my father asked I stay on as POA and recommending no conservator be appointed. Despite this, my brother contacted my father's brokerage again, saying a conservator was going to be appointed and the brokerage has frozen my dad's accounts again, so neither of us can withdraw any money.
Yes, we have lawyers defending us, but how do I get him to stop with this evil and malicious behavior? As soon as we can get access to my dad's accounts, we are going to move his money to a new brokerage. But how do I stop him from harassing me and my dad and having to spend all this money on attorneys? It's so stressful and it's exhausting and it's taking a toll on me and my husband.
How I feel for you! My own 2 eldest daughters are doing the same thing to me as I care for my mother, their grandmother, of 85 years. We have been battling their legal aggression for over a years. It's horrible and exhausting. So I can understand your feelings. I don't know what gets into other people except maybe just base jealousy or envy? It seems unstoppable. They think they are trying to save the elderly, I guess, but they are actually making their lives worse by sticking their noses into other family members business where they are not needed or wanted. Why can't they simply be loving and supportive family members? I'm at a loss for words concerning this nightmare and I truly feel for you. I hope everything pans out soon.
The brokerage house is hopeless. My dad's lawyer said she had a case against them that they refused to honor a court order. Yes, you can file a lawsuit but it would take so much time. As soon as this mess is resolved, we are moving all his money out of that place.
(In his mind) Because you are now POA. That was a declaration of war in his eyes. You can't control him. You can only control how you react towards him. Which I would limit contact. He can't get even more mad, if he doesn't know what you are doing, or having an argument with you.
Id threaten him with a restraining order if he doesn't stop. But before you say that, I'd find our if you can do that from your lawyer first.
Id get cameras and put at the house so you know if he shows up to steal anything. Put a ring doorbell on the doors. An app will notify your phone and you can call police. You can see vids on the app.
You can also call an appraiser and get a list of everything in the house, so it is covering your butt. It will be part of the estate. If he says your stealing all the contents of the house. You have proof it's in the list of assets of the estate.
He keeps freezing the money because he's afraid you are stealing it. So he wants to make sure you cant touch it. Keep perfect records and get a spread sheet of every check, cash, that goes in and out of every account. And log it in the same day. Even lawyer fees. That way if you need it, you have it as proof. Id also get a notebook and log every conversation with him, date/time, and anything he does to you, and if he goes to dad's house and does anything. If you are under stress you will forget.
He already thinks you are gonna take his inheritance and has declared war. That's what he is doing.
You need to have your dad call him and tell him it was his decision and to knock it off. And that you didn't twist his arm to change it. He decided. And he still can decide for himself what to do. And he is tired of the lawsuits. He needs money to pay his bills. And remind him it is still your dad' s house and belongings not his. And he wants you two to stop fighting. Your family not enemies.
Keep perfect notes in case you need them.
Id like to know how he can afford to keep filing lawsuits?
I would also get one of those home title locks, so he can't steal the house. He just might. That way you are notified.
You need better lawyers. They should have said to his lawyer make him bring the ring to court and hand it over in front of the jusge. And your dad has a right to pay his bills. I hope he doesn't call the bank and freeze his checking/savings accounts. Go to the bank with your dad and any paperwork and tell them you don't want that to happen. That way he can't go after that next. And heaven forbid if your dad passes you call all banks & firms, right away and tell them. They freeze accounts and the executor of will takes over. You need the paperwork with court seal to get them to open it again. That way it cant be wiped out. I cant say what happens normally, bc that didnt happen to me. I don't know if you have to go to courthouse with the will and show them your named as executor, or it's a separate paper.
My sibling told me she was executor/had will. I went to court. No will. So I was made Administrator. Sibling lied to me, a lawyer and the court. So don't know how it normally works.
Who is executor of your dad's will?
Good luck.
“The whole point is to make you a nervous wreck so you give in, and do what he wants.”
You can't stop brother. Evidently he has friends or money to file these suits. If dad is of sound mind, get a doctor to notate this for you so there's no question about it later on in regard to dates.
Moving the money to another brokerage is good idea so that brother has no way to ask for info about it. Keep a log of how much dad has right now - in all accounts. Each time you have to draw from it to pay an attorney, make a note. Maybe you can deduct it at a later date when estate divvyed up to show him how much he took out of his own pocket. (Might need to dad add an amendment to his will to note that atty fees due to either child creating these problems will be deducted from distribution and given to others in will).
Some people are just ridiculous and have way too much time on their hands and use the time to create problems for others.
I found my Elder Law Attorney's name on the agingcare website. Go to the blue/green bar at the top of the page, on your right you will see CARE TOPICS, find ELDER LAW, scroll down that page a bit and you will find an area where you can put in your city or zip code. The Attorney I found worked in a large law firm, which I preferred. My parents were in their 90's, and they needed everything updated so I made an appt for them, too.
AKA, he stole it. File a report.
Has dad been tested for dementia? Not saying he has it but if Dr determines he doesn't have it, it makes your case stronger.
Get in touch with the title company as well and show them your POA papers. In fact, get in touch with any and every place your dad has any account with and show them your papers. Transfer them to other places if possible.
Dad needs to sign an updated will giving your brother $5 just to be legal and stating anyone that contests the will gets nothing. Again, get an elder attny and explain everything you've been through with brother. He could be possibly brought up in elder abuse charges. Cover all your tracks and keep all papers pertaining to what your brother has done to your dad. It will make your case stronger. Good luck to you. I think brother is hurt and mad. It's a good thing this is happening before dad passes instead of after. It gives you a chance to get things settled. Hugs!
"Because my father was going to live near me, he changed his POA to me."
But did anybody explain that to your brother beforehand? If not, your brother found himself summarily excluded from arrangements and, not unnaturally, deeply suspicious about it.
By now you can add in the toxins accumulated from this series of legal conflicts, and you're calling him evil and I dread to think what he's calling you.
Have you considered mediation?
I did tell my brother that. I even talked to him about it before my dad changed it. He doesn't care. You clearly have never met my brother.
Nedgirl, if your state is named, you might want to familiarize yourself with these options, and address them with your attorneys.
https://www.cga.ct.gov/PS98/rpt%5Colr%5Chtm/98-R-0916.htm
I found Connecticut's options to be especially discouraging to someone who sues w/o validity:
"In Connecticut, anyone who files or prosecutes a civil action or asserts a defense to such an action without probable cause must pay the other party double damages. If the party bringing the action or asserting the defense does so with the malicious intent unjustly to vex and trouble the other party, he is liable for triple damages (CGS § 52-568).
"A person lacks probable cause within the meaning of the statute if he lacks a reasonable, good faith belief in the facts alleged and the validity of the claim asserted.
"He acts maliciously if he brings an action or asserts a defense primarily for a reason other than to secure proper adjudication of the claim on which the proceedings were based (DeLaurentis v. City of New Haven, 220 Conn. 225 (1991))."
Note the distinctions between lack of good faith and adjudication.
I hope the OP lives in Connecticut!!
I really don't understand how children end up thinking that when one parent dies and the other is still living that you have a right to enter their home and take what you want of the decease's belongings. My Will reads what is mine is my spouses. DHs reads the same way. Of course if we happen to go at the same time, my girls inherit.
Oh, when that ring is returned it better be pkgd so no damage is done. If there is damage brother will be held responsible for what it costs for repairs.
This brokerage company needs to be shown, by a lawyers letter, that you are now DPOA, brothers DPOA has been revoked. Attached is a letter from a doctor claiming that there is no Dementia present at this time that Dad is competent to make informed decisions. That the DPOA, your name, will notify them with any changes. That if they continue to shut down his clients acct because of a claim made by the former DPOA, your Dad will be pulling his money out of their firm and placing it somewhere else. That this continuing of shutting down their clients account is causing a hardship for said client.
Just wondering.
The lawyer needs to start playing hardball or this is not going to stop. If he/she doesn't, it may be time to look for another lawyer.
Fraud is an area that's delicate in terms of necessary proofs, so this also would be something an attorney experienced in this area should handle. That might be someone who's handled corporate/business issues in which people have been defrauded. Someone like whoever handled the Bernie Madoff fraud, but who's willing to address fraud on a different level.
I'm just guessing here, but I think that an attorney could also file a request for injunctive relief to prohibit your brother from filing false claims, specifically false liens. Or that could be included in the PPO if a judge feels it's appropriate. If not, perhaps a TRO, Temporary Restraining Order, might be appropriate.
Another thought; matrimonial (f/k/a divorce) attorneys frequently have feuding attorneys for clients. They get used to this, or at least how to handle the fighting folks, w/o becoming emotionally involved. One might step outside the divorce field and offer some suggestions on dealing with a feuding brother.
In my MIL case , she has dementia, my SIL and BIL kept having her POA changed .But MIL not incompasitated. Money moved to different account without FIL on it, done by MIL , but it was the SIL who took her to the bank. The bank froze the accounts due to all the goings on…attorney put a clause in the POA so the petty behavior couldn’t continue. Fast forward , BIL gets reported to adult protective services when FIL needs ER and hospitalization., and rehab… Too much garbage in this family, all they needed to do was cooperate and quit power playing.
Second qualification: what I'm suggesting was legal and embodied in some jurisdictions through the applicable court rules, which govern different levels of courts. This was when I was working, back before 2002. Laws, and especially court rules, may have changed. I would do some research on the state and local court rules for frivolous lawsuits, harassment and infliction of emotional distress, and possibly interference with care of an elderly person.
Other options:
1. Have any of your attorneys raised the issue of getting injunctive relief, including filing a PPO (Personal Protective Order) for your father? And perhaps you? Your father may have to come to court to complete the documents, so this is something you'd have to check out. If he's not able, an attorney experienced with injunctive relief could offer suggestions; perhaps the documents could be completed at home and then filed by the attorney.
If granted, the attorney or court clerk could advise on service. In our jurisdiction, when we got a PPO, the Sheriff's Office handled service. Police departments may also; it all depends on the local jurisdiction and courts.
2. At one point when I was still working, judges and others were becoming disgusted with frivolous lawsuits, sometimes clogging up already heavy court dockets. Some defense attorneys (from what I've read) began countersuing.
They could file countersuits, or counterclaims (there's a difference), alleging frivolity, emotional distress and more. They turned the tables on the harasser, and good for them! They also asked for remuneration of legal costs.
3. If none of your legal team has raised this issue, I would, and ask why it hasn't been considered. If they aren't willing to discuss it, consider searching for a different litigation lawyer and ask if they file countersuits or counterclaims for frivolous suits.
4. Allegations of improper behavior could be considered slanderous and/or libelous. Consider adding a claim for this behavior when you discuss this with your attorneys.
5. I'm not sure what misrepresentations to a brokerage would constitute, but it is a false claim, and might fall under misrepresentation. If a good attorney agreed and handled a claim, you might consider asking for financial remuneration b/c of the interrupted access to a (critical?) funding source.
6. Sometimes grandiose attorneys who like a lot of attention would take a case like this. They'd milk it for what it's worth, and could bombard your brother and his counsel, if any, with legal tactics that run up his costs.
7. And, a claim for legal costs, emotional distress, etc. would be appropriate as well.
Good luck; I hope you find an attorney who wants to be effective and stop this harassment. (Some attorneys won't get involved with family issues and/or family friction, but some very aggressive attorneys who thrive on this sort of conflict would take it on, as it helps him/her in self aggrandizement.)
There are laws to protect people from using the courts for harassment.
I would include the brokerage firm in the lawsuit. If brother is no longer DPOA they are violating laws by allowing "allegations" to freeze accounts. Imagine the clustermess that life would be if just anyone with an account at the same institution could freeze assets because they made an allegation.
We have neighbors that used the law to harass us and the sheriff finally told them they would be charged with criminal abuse of public resources if the called one more time. It stopped the crazy BS harassment.
I am really sorry. I bet no one here on Forum has better advice for you than the Lawyers you have. This is just dreadful for you all, and I honestly cannot even begin to imagine dealing with it.