Follow
Share

Mom non compliant with requests.. Will not allow anyone in house. She is physically abusing my sister but sis won't retaliate as she knows mom will forget or deny everything. I flew down so sis could handle on going legal affairs. I set boundaries that mom actually followed for awhile. I refuse to be present with mom while she drinks wine heavily. As Mom's MD refuses to help, I fear I will have to fly down unannounced and physically put her in car to get diagnosis and transfer my POA to get guardian ad litum. How do I proceed? How do I get an evaluation so we can figure out next steps? As sis can't drive I'm at a loss to see what I can do to get Mom settled and get sis out of her house? Sis is paying unbelievable mental, financial and physical costs for caregiving. Mom is in better physical shape than either of us but dementia means she won't take care of herself. Need some Florida folks who know that state's laws. Since neither sis or I can get traction other issue, we need someone to give us legal resources toget her into permanent facility. Sis doesn't want to do that but I'm just fine with playing bad guy role. Sis is widowed. I am not.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
If you are already her POA you don’t need guardianship. You’d still have the same challenge in getting her in for assessment.

I agree you need to go there for about 2 weeks to get anything done. Stay in the house & when she starts saying threatening things or physical threats call 911 right away and tell them she is threatening, is delusional, may have a UTI & won’t allow care. Once she’s transported to ER (take your PoA docs with you) then start working with the medical team to have her moved to their psych wing or unit. Make sure you tell them she is an “unsafe discharge”. Don’t believe any promises to provide help after discharge… they want her out & will not actually help. Been there, done that.

Her alcoholism may add another dimension since she may require a medically supervised detox.

Hopefully your sister is not a co-PoA. She is dysfunctional & an enabler, co-dependent on your Mother. I wish you all the best in getting your Mom the help she needs.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
GeezLouise Aug 2023
This is key for people who trust that care facilities will do what's good for the patient:
"Don’t believe any promises to provide help after discharge… they want her out & will not actually help. Been there, done that."
(1)
Report
This is probably a 'boots on the ground' situation. You likely cannot handle all the ins and outs without actually being there--and it sounds as is sis needs the break/help.

Plan on at least 2 weeks, with an open ended flight back home. Do as much as you can before going there--then hit the pavement running.

I'm not in FL and have no idea of their elder laws. COnsulting an elder care atty before you go would not be a bad idea, maybe sis can help with that before you get there.

Good for you, to be able to be the bad guy. Every family needs one.

Hopefully sis will be amenable to the changes and will thank you in the end for stepping up.

Good Luck!!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Call Adult Protection Services in Moms County. Your sister is being abused. What can be done to have Mom evaluated and placed in Memory Care or LTC? Sis mentally can't do it anymore. Maybe they will have suggestions or can help to a point.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Get there ASAP! As you stated play the bad guy and if you need - talk to an elder lawyer - well spent money on my end.
If mom takes medication tell her she needs to see the doctor before he will refill them. This worked with my daddy. Once you have her in the car take her to the neurologist. Have a talk with the doctor BEFORE she goes in, let him know whats happening. If she goes tot he hospital then DO NOT LET HER COME HOME! Seek assistance from the hospital social worker that should be assigned to you. I would not let my brother come home, he had a friend bring him and within two hours he was back in the hospital. THEN - he agreed to go to a rehab. Via social worker mom should be placed in a facility that can and will assist her needs. You can also try a group home - I know when I used a group home they were better than the nursing facility my daddy was in. Blessings!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Please have your sister document mom's behavior with video and ask Adult Protective Services to evaluate her for placement.

An Elder Law Attorney can advise you and sister.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
TouchMatters Aug 2023
Thank you. Good advice / recommendation.
(0)
Report
https://www.myflfamilies.com/crisis-services/baker-act

Baker Act mom. Look it up.

Can sis provide phone video of mom’s behavior? Can you? Is sis able to call police if there’s harmful behavior? Police can get the Baker Act ball rolling.

I don’t believe you’d have to be there for this if there’s an ongoing threat. This is a mental illness issue and the Baker Act is there to provide emergency help for those in need. That would be mom and sis.

I’m a former Floridian.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My MIL called 2-1-1 when her neighbor was messed up and begging for leftovers. The neighbor never knew who called (actually told my MIL “Can you believe it? Someone called)”

It’s the United Way hotline and if nothing else, it may be easier to get insight before the legalities of getting FL services involved — and if your mom’s not declared incompetent, she would likely make your role as POA hellish or revoke it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Make appointment for mom with her doctor. Explain the situation to the doctor before the appointment. Take mom to the doctor for evaluation and treatment. Follow his or her advice.

If mom is abusive to your sister, the doctor will need to report this to authorities.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

There are 4 types of dementia and basically they can do some testing to see what part of the brain is/isn't functioning property, but to be 100% spot on with diagnosis it is done post mortem. The big question is why does it matter what type of dementia she has? You know her limitation and needs by being around her. Putting a specific name to it won't change it. However, we have noticed with Mom that there are ways to help calm her when she starts to get agitated. Lavender oil on her wrists, blue light at night and intense light therapy in the morning, extra b12, b6 and there are mints with calming effects. They had her on 7 schizophrenia medications before I became POA for health care. We gradually got her off of all but one in a matter of months. Now she is reading the paper again, holding conversations, and back to making menu decisions. The facility she was at had her turned into a zombie we didn't recognize her! But she and all the other residents were easier to control when they were zoned out. Be aware of all their medications and don't be afraid to question them. Facility nurses can get doctors to prescribe medications without your knowledge or permission when they deem it "necessary".
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

First, talk to an Elder Law Attorney perhaps where you are who can greatly assist you with legal understanding. Or call an Elder Law Attorney in Florida, see if they will do phone consult or ZOOM with you to get information you need to make decisions for your mother; there certainly seems to be safety issues among others; have her PCP assign
" homehealth" services to help her and this will help sister in meantime while you are assessing the situation and finding placement for her. What if your sister got ill and couldn't supervise support there?
You can tell her it is safety issue for 24/7 care. Have her PCP give you a " level of care needs" assessment so you know if she qualifies for independent, ALF or 24/7 skilled care or maybe memory care placement. You most likely will need to go down there but can do a lot of leg work on phone/ computer.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter