Follow
Share

I live with my grandma and I have long hair and wear makeup. When it gets hot in the summertime, I have to beg her every year to turn on our central air conditioning because she always gets cold (and it's more expensive to run). It has reached the point again where open windows and fans aren't enough. What should I do?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
The problem is you can't convince I constantly cold person to turn on the AC during summer, I personally would just go turn it on myself if it was dangerously hot in that area. Some people don't realize how dangerously hot an area gets during the summer, and heat stroke claims many lives each summer. Sometimes you just have to take matters into your own and is an override someone who may not be in a position to make very competent decisions when everyone else knows the dangers of summer heat and heat stroke. 

My elderly friend who since died was always cold toward the end due to lack of circulation which was due to lack of exercise. I didn't know how lazy he really was until they put him into a nursing home and took away his power chair and mobility scooter and made him use a walker. We all knew he needed the items but not nearly as bad as he was letting on, he could've gotten by with just a walker much of the time. He always complained of being cold. He kept the AC at a hot setting and having a damaged auto nervous system from childhood, I have an overheating disability where I'm vulnerable to heat illness. Therefore, I just can't be where it's hot so I really didn't have too many options other than to either just leave despite him wanting me there or sneak behind his back and set the thermostat to a slightly cooler setting that was comfortable for us both. After a while he would set it back to the warmer temp, and I had to always have a frozen hot water bottle on me. Of course in a cooler hot area it doesn't stay cold as long as it should. I'm just glad they took away all his control when they put him into a nursing home because the thermostat was controlled by the nursing home where they had central air. That way, when they turn on the AC, you have no control over it and if you're cold, you'll just have to put some layers on or hop on the treadmill and get the blood moving. 

A final thought would be there if you can't be in a hot area, just refuse to be there and the elderly person who wants you there bad enough will somehow find clever ways to accommodate you, if not they won't. Just don't put yourself and your health at risk to please someone else if you know for a fact you're negatively affected by the summer heat
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My mother refuses to run the central heat and air conditioner. The winters are cold enough to require small space heaters which she will run, one of which nearly started a fire. The heat during the summer is making me sick as the heat and humidity in southeastern US is horrible. The home is being ruined with the growth of mildew. I am literally sick of dealing with these issues. I no longer cook, clean, etc., due to the uninhabitable conditions. It's either too hot or too cold to do anything.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks JessieBelle. I don't tell him, but he had just come in, to get something, and wanted to know why I had the bathroom door shut (it has a vent I can't close up, and pours out heat). I sound like such a child when writing this..but his blowing up at me, just simply hurts my feelings...as he becomes so mean and argumentative over such a subjective thing. WHO cares that I think its hot. I solved the issue, with no affect to him (except he swears I mess up the flow of the air and thermostat's workings...). But he has to belittle me...tell me I am wrong to feel hot (huh?) and that his feel of hot or cold is RIGHT and I am wrong. And I know I can't argue, as its insane...So I was just venting. He can be such a jerk at times, and there is nothing I can do about it. They need me, and I am obligated to help them. Thanks JessieBelle for your fast response!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Susan, I do that same thing. In winter I close the vents to my room and the rabbit's room and open the windows if the weather allows. I can end up playing a game of musical vents, opening them and closing them as needed. My mother is the same as your father.

Maybe you can just not tell your father when you close the vent. Does he check? You don't have to lie, just don't say anything at all. You're an adult now and can make your own decisions about what is comfortable. Parents don't seem to be able to grasp that concept at times. Is your father concerned that the air flow through the house won't be right? It is a legitimate concern, but not one you should address by making yourself miserable.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

When I come to stay with my parents to help them, and give them company, my father gets very mean, about the fact I think 79-80 degrees in the house is too hot. He sets the thermostat to that temp. He laughs and says I am WRONG, how dare I say its hot, and THERE is something WRONG with me. I am just griping on here, as it just infuriates me. I have solved my issue, by staying up in my room, where I have closed off the vent. But when he sees I did that, he GETS FURIOUS at me. He almost wants to throw me out. How dare I think its hot..there is something so WRONG with me. He is always RIGHT...Ugh...just my place to vent here. (My home I do keep cold, but when they visit I turn up the heat...not to 80..but I make it warm for them)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I disagree that we're supposed to suffer for our elders in this manner...I see no logic in suffering to the point of getting sick and having to go to the hospital just because my mother wants the temperature to be in to the 80's inside in the summer time(or any time for that matter),,You're foolish to put yourself through that misery..My mother stays cold all the time.she's 92 years old and has been living with me since march of 2016.I put extra blankets over her and even bring out the winter jacket if necessary but I won't continue to sweat profusely in my own apartment for the sake of my mother's comfort when I can keep her warm by covering her and her wearing thick c0lothing.TO SUFFER TO THE POINT OF 24/7 SUFFERING absurd and you're slowly going to ,make yourself sick iby remaining so hot so much of the time.this is not healthy!!! you understand?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

The nursing home I visit keeps the temp at 74 in the winter and in Summer many residents refuse a window unit until the room hits 80. So try a middle setting, about 77 or just set the unit to de-humidify if it has that option.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Forget trying. My Partner passed and I have to call the Heating guy over here to reset the controller. I cannot handle the heat on in the morning. I always went outside a lot to cool off. It is something (which I think is worse in women) that the elderly need more heat.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Another thought. I don't know why you are staying there, if you are a paid or unpaid caretaker, a student, etc. However, if you get too hot could you get to a library or someplace cool and oet her hire someone to take care of her? Maybe she would miss you and agree to use the ac.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You could mention to her that when you are running around working in the house you get too hot to work, cook, do chores, etc. Would she be willing to wear a sweater and a lap blanket? It depends on your household and financial situation, but these might work. How about a warm beverage or drinkable soup to keep her warm?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

YES, close the vents in her room. OR in your room if the heat comes on and open your window at night. That works for me.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I know this issue. My partner is always cold. I hate it. I am 73 and always HOT. I bought a fan tall one that rotates. I rotate it in the Family room to keep it cooler. The air comes on when it gets to about 80 in the house. My best temp is about 60, no warmer. We live on the Coast so it can get humid. WE also have a River that flows from the East off the 5 and Medford which brings hot air and heavy winds from the heat in Medford.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm not sure how old you are. Are you her caretaker? Does she rely on you to be there so that she can live in her home? If so, then I would approach it differently than if she is capable of living on her own. Because, if you are an adult, you could move out. So, you pretty much have to play by her rules and preferences.

I think I would discuss it with her and see if you can come to a middle ground. First buy digital thermometers for the rooms you go into the most. See if some of the rooms are cooler. Try to arrange it so that most of the AC cool air is reaching you. As someone else said, close the vents to her rooms. AND I would consider a standing portable AC unit. I can be moved from room to room. It has a hose that can be placed in any window. They are affordable too.

During the night, you could use the portable AC. I would get the average for electric bills from the past and agree to pay for any mount that is greater. It shouldn't be that much more.

If you are going to be around for the future to help care for your grandmother, I would think she would want to make the house an enjoyable place for you to be.

Another tip I learned. If you are hot and she won't turn on AC. Place a large tub of ice in front of a fan. Sit in front of it and it creates a nice cool breeze. At least for a little while.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I had my mother's doctor tell her what the ac thermostat should be set to. I could never live with my mother. If she's "nursing home material" according to her doctors, consider what that means. She needs 3 shifts of caregivers. One person cannot do that job, dear.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Google "fake thermostats". Guess that means a HVAC tech will need to place the real thermostat someplace else, out of eye sight for the elder who keeps changing the temperature.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You are never going to get two complete opposites to agree, but you may be able to work out a compromise. Some people I know like to set the thermostat to 72 or even 70 degrees, I keep my house warmer than that in the winter LOL!
I set my a/c to 78/79 degrees and mom is still cold, but at least the humidity is under control and we don't have sweat dripping down our faces, besides, I'm cold blooded too and I don't mind the heat. You might be able to get away with lowering it a few degrees at night after she goes to bed as long as you close the vents in her room and make sure she has a cozy blanket. If that isn't cool enough for you using a portable a/c in your rooms is probably the best solution as long as you agree chip in on the electric bill.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Caring, here is good news, if your Mom cannot afford to pay for a nursing home you can sign her up with Medicaid and they will help pay for her room/board. If your Mom owns a house, Medicaid will place a lien on it so that they can get paid. Decisions, decisions.

By the way, folks of your Mom's generation think nursing homes are asylums.... that was the stereotypical thinking back then. One would think that your Mom would enjoy not needing to fuss about a house and all the repairs, and be around people of her own generation. Some of these centers are so nice, I am ready to sign up :)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank you for the advice. We were SCREAMING at each other. My mom is 86 thyroid problems and hasn't moved in 50 years (Dad did everything, now is gone) and I am 58 (ovaries removed), therefore menopausal SWEATS!!! Trying to be with her during this time. I have crocheted 3 blankets for her, she won't use them cause she wants to be in CONTROL. She is starting dementia and that is another bag of problems. Wont take her pills throws them out, looses them etc. Told me and a visiting nurse not to touch her pills, she is in charge. Probably in denial sh stopped taking those and now realizes she needs to take them otherwise she is 10 years old. Don't even ask me about the arguments of her driving!!! Doctor said no, so she blasts me everytime we are in the car....One time she blasted me so violently I almost lost control of the car. Question: Be nice but what advice can you give to me.

She has called in the a/c repairman $$$$$ wasted money cause all he is going to do is jack the temp. Just to prove she is right....

The best thing I heard is to just hide out in a room with a fan or small air conditioner running. She's also complaining about the electric bill. Tough! I told her that she might as well not have air conditioning whatsoever. Turn it the blank off. I will just use a fan and stay out of range of her and outside as much as possible. It will do me some good cause she has me running like a chicken with my head cut off doing immediate errands so (she doesn't forget). We have gotten into the arguments that I won't live as long as her if she keeps this up. Ive been told she is nursing home material but we cannot afford that and for her she feels that is the death sentence. I don't want to do that to her. I will live with her but this is tough, I need advice for myself. Got any?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I feel for you. But it has been my experience that they cannot and will not tolerate colder temperatures. Is there a room that you can keep warm for her? Or a room that you can keep cool for you? Be sure she has socks and perhaps long johns to help her keep her temperature up.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

As yes, my parents [age mid-90's] have their house set like a sauna.... my house is set like a meat locker.

It is my Mom who is so cold, and it's from her thyroid condition, her hands feel like ice so that must hurt. So year around she is wearing slacks, thermo undershirt, knit top, sweater, knee socks, shoes, and a scarf around her neck. In summer my Dad is dressed in long shorts, and well, nothing else as their house is too hot for him, but to make Mom happy he deals with it. In winter, he will put on a knit shirt and socks.

Whenever my parents come over to visit, I will set the temps to make the house feel warmer as I figure I can deal with that for 4 hours... it's not set at sauna, but more like sun porch warm. Mom will bring a sweater in case she gets chilled but rarely has to use it.

I was having temperature wars at work... my boss liked the office toasty and I didn't.... I solved the problem by closing off the ceiling vents in my office, and opening all of them in his office.... in summer, I would do the reverse. It has worked out pretty good.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I try to remember how I would like to be treated if the shoe is ever on the other foot. I don't understand old age but older people do understand those younger than they are, after all, they have been there already. I don't really believe aging people really want others to be uncomfortable, so they must really be cold and that is more miserable than younger people being hot.

I'm not that young and I am menopausal so I have hot flashes while I'm the homes of those more aged than me, (I', 60.) and I understand that being so hot is hard. I help aging people by cleaning their homes so I am constantly moving and get very, very warm. My solution is to take a small towel and get it wet with cold water, wring it out and wrap it around my neck. I'm sure there are cool wraps that you can purchase that do the trick better, or ice packs that you can drape around your neck that cool you down without harming your skin. But for a quick immediate solution the towel trick workes well on the spot.

I have so much respect for the aged that they often do offer to turn down the heat for me out of returned respect and I always refuse. I suffer for them and believe they deserve no less than that. And I just keep getting more respect for that, too. It's amazing, but it works. Just get that towel out, get it wet and wrap it around your neck. Your clothes get damp, too, which also cools you off. And those folks love you for it. Nothing beats being loved.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

The "thermostat wars" are a problem at my mother's house, which is one of the many reasons I don't live with her. When I was living there, I bought a very nice window air conditioner for my bedroom, and it's still there for when I stay overnight. When I'm there, I spend as much time in that room (or outside the house) as possible. When I cook for her, I crank up the central air, and she has the choice to either bundle up or go hungry. And yes it is annoying, dripping sweat while I'm changing her bedding, for example. And my mother is not nearly as bad as many others in terms of cold sensitivity. One idea is this: if you can do it, close the air vents in the room she's sitting in (I assume she sits most of the time in the same spot like my mother does) and open them in the rest of the house, keeping as many door shut as possible so the chill doesn't enter her space. And reverse in winter - open windows in the other rooms to let the cold air in when she has the heat cranked up high.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I have a friend who is in his 90s and doesn't exercise. The other night he was in the ER because he was constantly cold but they couldn't do nothing for him and send him home. He keeps his place too hot, and I happen to have an overheating disability. In 2013 I had a heat stroke, and my precautions have since increased considerably. I must now prepare for emergencies and setbacks where I have to take timeouts from my activity to lay down. I've always laid down when I got too hot when I realized I had a problem. Since my heat stroke I can't be in places that are too hot. I have repeatedly had to turn and leave my elderly friends when I walked into a literal heat wave in his apartment. His apartment does not have a cold air return vent like some historical homes do, so that heat builds up making it Way too hot for me to be there. He often keeps his thermostat at 80, which makes the heat buildup within minutes, making it feel like in the 90s are close to 100. I must keep my place cooler because of my disability, which is a problem with my auto nervous system. It wasn't so much a problem when I was younger, as it gradually became as I got older. I was warned that my problem would worsen with age, and a heat stroke confirmed that warning to be accurate. Since my elderly friend started realizing that I really do have a disability, he since learned how the digital thermometer works, and recently told me to just tell him if it's too hot. I'm glad that we were able to work it out, and I encourage anyone with a similar problem to just start leaving if they walk into a heat wave that their loved one is living in. All you have to do is politely say, "I'm sorry but it's too hot for me and I don't want to get sick." This will work if you happen to have that same or similar disability that I do, and you're prone to heat illness. If your loved one sees that you're serious about protecting yourself and your health against heat illness, they'll try to make some kind of adjustments if they really care about you. My friend did, and what worked for me can definitely work for you. All you have to do is set a boundary and enforce it. If it's too hot for you when you enter the place just turn and leave, and just don't go back for a while. If your love one questions you, just be open and honest and explain that their place is way too hot and you don't want to get sick because you're prone to heat illness. I'm sure I've gotten very funny looks because I'm the only one in my area that walks around with a bath sheet, which is because part of my disability is severe hyperhidrosis. Severe hyperhidrosis goes hand-in-hand with the rest of my overheating disability where I can get very sick when I easily overheat. Hyperhidrosis and feel like you're burning up inside has a tendency to make you not feel very well. In fact I recently had an incident at my elderly friend's when I started feeling ill, and had to lay down. When I felt well enough to briefly get up, I wasn't a bit surprised to find the thermostat at or around 80. When he wasn't looking, I turned it down; I had to because I was feeling sick from the excessive heat. Hot places and people with my type of disability just don't mix
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

its hard because its her house. unless you are the one paying the electric bill not much you can do. Now at my house the thermostat is set at 72 and stays there because i live in south texas where its 94 today with 100% humidity and a heat index of 102 . i am not going to sweat for anyone. i get hot i get grouchy. there is a blanket on her chair and a jacket next to her chair. there is also a nice comfy chair outside on the front porch where she can sweat to death if she wants. the best thing i ever bought for this house is the new electronic thermostat. she wont touch it because she dosent know how to use. it. if not, set the tempature to where you want and Take the thermostat off the wall so she cant change it. i had to do that with my son he hated the air conditioner.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This is one of the worst problems to me. I can never understand why older people feel that everyone else has to roast so that they don't have to use a throw or dress warmer. It makes me madder than anything else, because if I can't sleep or work because I'm too hot, I can't stay here. The only thing I have found that works is pointing out that I have the thermostat set on 80. (This keeps the house cooler, because our thermostat is off.) 80 degrees sounds very reasonable, so my mother doesn't protest much.

The thermostat wars can be terrible. Sometimes she is too hot when I'm comfortable, so I end up freezing. Or some mornings she turns on the heat when it is already warm. I am firm with her, though, about not having the house too hot. I wouldn't be able to stay if she insisted, because it would make me sick to be hot all the time.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I have been through this and would notice it when I would visit my Mother. The elderly are much colder than we are.
As I read your question, I see that it is her house. So, you are probably out of luck. No one likes to be cold. There are stand alone room A/Cs and if you pay the difference in the electric bill, that might work. (It is 113 degrees, here, today.)
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter