How do you get past the vision of seeing your parent die?

It is haunting until you start replacing it with other memories.

After my grandmother’s passing, I made a slideshow. The hours of looking through old photos, sifting through all the memories kind of repressed the not-so-nice way she died (she was in a lot of pain and distress, begging for us to kill her).

Try to focus on the good times you shared. They won’t make you feel less sad, but they aren’t as haunting.

HUGS, and I’m sorry for your loss.

My dad died at home looking like that painting, "The Scream." It was horrifying, particularly because he was fine six weeks weeks before. He just wasted away so fast.

My mother died this part July, and she went from looking like my mother to looking exactly like her father in just three days. I never would have said she looked like her dad, as he was very angular and Mom was chubby-cheeked and round. However, she, too, became gaunt and looked so much like a man I would never have recognized her if I didn't watch it happen before my eyes.

Within a month after their deaths, I couldn't bring up those images in my mind. All I can remember are the darling people my parents were with big smiles on their faces.

Honestly, I think Nature changes our loved ones' looks at the end precisely because that's a short-term image and we won't remember it for long -- we didn't ree them looking like that long enough for that picture to imprint in our mind.

Have faith that this image will fade quickly, and your mind will be filled with the enduring memories of your dad in happier times.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You are still very early in this process, so don't expect those visions of him to disappear overnight. I would say be grateful that he didn't linger long in his dying process, as that can actually be more traumatic to witness.
My husband's dying process took 6 long weeks, with him not eating for 41 days and not drinking for about 25 days. And he was in great pain pretty much the whole time, that hospice could not get under control, and I was the one who was with him 24/7. It was horrific to witness, and so heartbreaking for me. I honestly felt like I was suffering from PTSD after his death.
My husband died Sept. 2020, and it took me a very long time to get those images out of my mind. They occasionally try to sneak in, but I stop them and replace them with a sweeter mind picture of my husband, and that seems to work quite well.
So give yourself some time. Allow yourself time to grieve the father you loved, and in time those haunting pictures in your mind will be replaced with more happy ones.
I pray for God's comfort and peace to cover you in the days, weeks and months ahead.

I'm so sorry. It's just awful to watch someone you love die, even when you know they are living in hell on earth. I held my mother's hand as she died. I was all alone with her and had been all evening and she just was in the bed motionless until she suddenly raised her arms up and made a few little noises and stopped breathing. I had been very strong through her illness and decline and thought I was prepared but, no. I called my father and asked if he wanted to come to the hospital to see her before she was taken to the mortuary and he said no and I was so sad. I'll always remember it, and always be a bit sad, but it no longer haunts me. Give yourself some time. Allow it to hurt for a while. But it does get better. Trust me.

God bless you and your father, my condolences. I was just in your shoes this past February 27, 2021 when I lost my mom in front of me. I ended up with changes in my heart for which I am still being followed up by the doctors at the hospital. I think these are the most painful experiences that we will ever experience in our lives, the death of our parents and grandparents. I still cannot get over that. My relationship with my mom and grandmother was extremely close. I know I will not get over it despite what others might say, because they were my parents. An employee at the funeral where I had my mom's wake was telling me that he had lost his father 40 years ago. I said to him " What has time done to you ? " His answer was " Nothing. I feel like he is still standing next to me all the time ". So, I think, just my personal and humble opinion, I think it depends on how close you were to your parents. Sure, some people say it will pass. It gets better. Some will say he is at rest and feeling no pain now. The people who lived the farthest from your father can say this, but you or anyone else who cared for him will feel differently. With my parents, my grandmom and mom, I was doing everything for them. I even cleaned them, and sometimes very frequently, something that not a lot of people would be willing to do even for their parents. Of course it is exhausting because you have to do it 24/7. I did not complain. My parents noticed though and I proved to them many times how much I loved them. Hospitals were offering me help, but my parents did not want anyone in the apartment with them. They only wanted me. I did not clean them intimately. They could still do it slowly by themselves. They were still protecting their privacy. I did everything for them, despite people making mistakes around them in the nursing home with evil intent and then trying to hide as in the case of my grandmother and my mother in the hospital. I did not want to deal with such horrible people. I preferred to do it myself. I was doing everything with all my heart and soul for them for years and years no matter the cost. I did not raise a family because I loved them. I worked, but I was still keeping a very close eye on them like my babies, because they were almost babies. I became more protective of them when I saw and learned the hard way with the loss of my grandmother that in this country not everyone likes old people. They discriminate against them and they protect themselves legally. Disgusting. It happens and they get away with it. Murder sometimes goes unpunished in the health care system in this country and it gets brushed under the rug because a lot of people out there making the decisions for everyone like Gods are corrupt as simple as that. The police looks the other way when you try to bring this up when something bad happens. No one protects our elderly. No one cares, because the majority thinks that they lived their life already so why bother they think. This is why I did not let them go and was always protective of them. I knew their medical charts inside out. Despite all this I could not protect them 100 per cent of the time. I would be asked to leave whenever they had to stay in the hospital and even threatened if I did not despite my parents' cries for me to stay which they never respected. Instead they would inject them with tranquilizers to quiet them down which had harmful effects on them despite my telling them not to do it. They have no respect. Patients' bill of rights? Give me a break. Department of Health? Do not make me laugh. They are all in this together. I will never forget this. The best place to die is at one's home and not with those insensitive people who claim they love working with the sick. In your case it was a blessing that were there with your father till the last minute. This should give you some comfort that you were at least protecting him in those last few minutes. God was with you both.

I had to experience much the same with my husband who died from a brain tumor. Time is the answer. I had to realize that dying can be hard work. It’s not as easy as it looks in the movies. It can be a struggle. I went to GriefShare and I also saw a private counselor because there were many complicating issues surrounding my grief. I’m so glad I did. Reach out for help. There may be grief counseling available through the hospice that your dad had. Your grief is so fresh. Those images will fade and you will make peace with them. It’s just really hard at first. Especially if this is the first time you’ve been with a person when they’ve died.

I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing more painful than losing a parent, much less watching it. But it will get a little easier as time goes by and if it doesn’t ease please see a grief therapist to help.
When the images come into your mind replace them with thoughts of a good memory. Take the time to sit and write them down, in detail. This will put them fresh in your mind. If you have a picture associated with that memory paper clip it to your writing.
Remember to dwell in a good memories and that he no longer is in pain and wishes you no pain.
with love and light

I am so sorry for your loss.

Your grief is still so raw and this will take time.

I agree with many here - going through old albums - bring back so many memories that can help replace the harder days. There are far more beautiful memories than sad ones. Even putting together the memorial and grieving with others (hearing their stories of your loved one) will help.

The biggest hug - and prayers for peace and comfort for you and your family.

It's only two days. You can't avoid a mourning period. Some things you will be told by well meaning folks, including me, may seem harsh but here is my thought. He was 89 and apparently lived a good long life. You can't see it right now, but his suffering was short and he enjoyed the comforts of home and family till his last days. Many of us will not be as fortunate as your Dad. Work through your grief knowing he lived nearly a full nine decades and was with family till the end. It will get easier and the good memories will eventually overrule your experience with his final moments. Don't dwell on that..make the conscious decision to enjoy a lifetime of good memories, embarrassing but funny memories, vacations and family gatherings. You Dad, and Mom, would want you to do this.

I too was with my mom through all these steps and for her last breathe. It is so hard initially but, as her main caregiver, I was honored to be the one to be there (she was moved to a care facility) for her final moments. I knew that someone was there talking to her and loving her up to that last breathe. (That was a big deal for me as she worsened, that she would die without anyone there.) She had her hand on top of mine as I had mine on her chest, feeling her breathing and irregular heart beats. If I had a scratch or tried to wipe my tears, she would hold my hand and not let me move it. She knew I was there and wanted me to stay RIGHT there.🥰 I will forever be great full and honored to have been the one.
she past away Christmas Day last year and while it still hurts and I miss her, she is in heaven with her Lord and Savior and is while again. I will see her again and all my comfort is in that.
We are in circumstances and places for a reason. We must do our best in them and take away the good and learn from each of these. The times spent with her, the care, the tough decisions, the hard times when she was combative, the times she just wanted to listen to us and see us…all of it comes back to mind. Some things I remember so fondly, other times were so frustrating and painful to see but I can now even laugh at some of those.
Although hard to believe, it will get better and easier. You will find one day that you can talk about something and not cry, you will be able to share memories with enjoyment instead of sorrow.
cry when you need to, talk through what you need to and look forward to better days-they are coming.