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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
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Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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If she continues like this I won't be able to be her caretaker anymore because she will be bedridden. There is no money to afford hired help or a place for mom.
How is physically challenged 80 year old mom getting all this food? Can you limit what comes into her home, grocery wise?
Other than that, just tell her what you told us. That she's digging her grave with a knife and fork, which is her prerogative, but that you won't be able to care for her after a certain point. Meaning she'd have to apply for Medicaid and be placed in a Skilled Nursing Facility if she was unable to care for herself.
Sounds like eating is her pleasure. Does she enjoy doing anything else? Maybe she is thinking that she might enjoy what she can while she still can before she dies. But you certainly should not bear the consequences of her actions.
🥰 i don’t know OP, but if you figure out this million dollar question, please tell me because i have the same problem as your mother. in fact, i look more and more like an m&m (mayyyybe related to the fact that i eat many m&m’s). 🙃
on a serious note: there can be many reasons someone over-eats…
your mother is: -lonely? -sad? -stressed? -enjoys food, can’t really do other activities, so eating is the only enjoyable activity? -some medicines’ side-effect is extreme hunger: my elderly LO went through a 3-month phase like this: really over-eating. never did that before in life. when the medicine was stopped, normal appetite returned.
i’m sure you already told your mother what you wrote in your post, and it didn’t work. she didn’t listen. it’s very hard to stop over-eating.
it’s kind of like any other bad habit. hard to stop, even if you figure out the cause.
what’s true is that, the more your life is filled with passion (activities you love), good company (people you love spending time with), the less you turn to food to solve your problems. it also helps to have the ABSENCE of some things, such as: stress, problems, being surrounded by mean people.
You wrote this back in 2018: "I've been doing it all alone for years. Mom physically and mentally is going downhill. I've told my sister I need help, I've told her I'm overwhelmed. Now I have had a physical setback and need help myself all the while still trying to do for my mom."
and
"1/3 of her income or more is going to pay overdrafts, which then causes more overdrafts."
Has anything changed since 2018? How are you physically now? Even if you fully recovered, you are putting yourself at risk if you have to lift your mother in any way. (Is she in a wheelchair? Do you have to help her get up from bed? A chair? The toilet?) You could easily injure yourself well before the point she becomes totally bedridden.
What is your plan for when you can no longer take care of her? You say there is no money for help or a facility. Then what?
Are you ready to start investigating how to extricate yourself from this situation?
Your money was using 1/3 of her money for bank overdrafts. Is that still happening? What is her financial situation? Does she pay you anything? Do you live in her house, or vice-versa? Do you work?
Back in 2018, you also wrote: "I'm seeking professional help, got an appointment today, to help me with the stress of all of this." Did it help? Do you think you need it again to help you figure out next steps to extricate yourself from the situation? Your sister apparently extricated herself years ago -- you can do that, too.
If your mother is physically challenged, how does ahe get the food? Who brings it in for her? Does she order for herself? If you're hwer caregiver and she's physically disabled you're the one who is enabling her eating and her increasing obesity. Be honest with her and tell her exactly what you're saying here. That you will not be able to physically take care of her if she continues to gain weight. That she will have to go into a managed care facility that can provide for the care needs of m morbidly obese patients. Tell her it's not personal, but she will not be able to be cared for at home anymore.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Other than that, just tell her what you told us. That she's digging her grave with a knife and fork, which is her prerogative, but that you won't be able to care for her after a certain point. Meaning she'd have to apply for Medicaid and be placed in a Skilled Nursing Facility if she was unable to care for herself.
on a serious note:
there can be many reasons someone over-eats…
your mother is:
-lonely?
-sad?
-stressed?
-enjoys food, can’t really do other activities, so eating is the only enjoyable activity?
-some medicines’ side-effect is extreme hunger: my elderly LO went through a 3-month phase like this: really over-eating. never did that before in life. when the medicine was stopped, normal appetite returned.
i’m sure you already told your mother what you wrote in your post, and it didn’t work. she didn’t listen. it’s very hard to stop over-eating.
it’s kind of like any other bad habit. hard to stop, even if you figure out the cause.
what’s true is that, the more your life is filled with passion (activities you love), good company (people you love spending time with), the less you turn to food to solve your problems. it also helps to have the ABSENCE of some things, such as: stress, problems, being surrounded by mean people.
hug!!
and
"1/3 of her income or more is going to pay overdrafts, which then causes more overdrafts."
Has anything changed since 2018? How are you physically now? Even if you fully recovered, you are putting yourself at risk if you have to lift your mother in any way. (Is she in a wheelchair? Do you have to help her get up from bed? A chair? The toilet?) You could easily injure yourself well before the point she becomes totally bedridden.
What is your plan for when you can no longer take care of her? You say there is no money for help or a facility. Then what?
Are you ready to start investigating how to extricate yourself from this situation?
Your money was using 1/3 of her money for bank overdrafts. Is that still happening? What is her financial situation? Does she pay you anything? Do you live in her house, or vice-versa? Do you work?
Back in 2018, you also wrote: "I'm seeking professional help, got an appointment today, to help me with the stress of all of this." Did it help? Do you think you need it again to help you figure out next steps to extricate yourself from the situation? Your sister apparently extricated herself years ago -- you can do that, too.
If you're hwer caregiver and she's physically disabled you're the one who is enabling her eating and her increasing obesity.
Be honest with her and tell her exactly what you're saying here. That you will not be able to physically take care of her if she continues to gain weight. That she will have to go into a managed care facility that can provide for the care needs of m
morbidly obese patients. Tell her it's not personal, but she will not be able to be cared for at home anymore.