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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Have you gotten a needs assessment from their local Area Agency on Aging? News that they need help at home probably comes better from a professional social worker or from their doctor than from their "kids".
The other option is to stop doing what you are doing, because that is probably the reason why they don't need more care. It's tough, but so is what is happening now!
As you aren't getting too many suggestions, I'll add another one. Cen you find another story (perhaps from this site - they can be your 'friends' for this) - and tell your mother and ask what she thinks should happen. You can repeat this until you get the answer that care would be better. Then that might give you an option for you to investigate local facilities with them so that you can give advice to 'your friend'. It might help to get a conversation started, at least.
I wish I could find that post where a member was asked by her parents to care for them. Her answer went something like this...
"Would you want someone with no experience to...and then she listed all the things they expected out of someone caring for them. To all her questions was the answer NO. Her answer..."then you don't want me."
I firmly believe in not "asking" because the answer will be No. My daughter says you approach them like they are making the decision. Like "Mom wouldn't it be nice to have someone come and help Dad bathe, shave and get dressed. Something you don't have to worry about. And if you like, they could do the same for you. Help with a bath and get dressed."
Or like said, have an assessment done and allow the caseworker to make suggestions. Coming from someone else makes a big difference.
Mom swore there was a baby in her AL. She would walk around the building looking for it. I told her no babies here because its all seniors. She looked at the aide and said "if you tell me there are no babies, I will believe you" The aide told her there were no babies, Mom said OK and walked away.
One time I gave my parents a well presented large brochure of a 55+ community that I found to be picture perfect. Available were apartments with the same square footage as their own house. The complex was like being in a self contained village with everything one would need. Plus, the complex was building an Assisted Living building for later down the road.
Well, couple days later Dad said the brochure looked like a very nice place, maybe in a few years. FEW YEARS ??? My gosh, they were already in their late to mid 90's.... [rolling eyes].
When it did come time that my folks needed caregivers to help out, Dad was ready to hire, but Mom refused big time. Sadly that caused major battles between my parents. I felt bad for Dad, as he knew the house was just too much for the both of them, especially now being fall risks. Mom held her ground and won.
Like many of us had to do, wait for a serious illness/injury to get the ball rolling to senior facilities. Mom's refusal of help was literally her down fall. Major complication from the fall, Mom spent her final months in long term care. Dad hired caregivers for himself until it was time to sell the house and move to senior living.
Parents tend to be in denial of their age and health. And we are just the kids, and what do we know :P
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Have you gotten a needs assessment from their local Area Agency on Aging? News that they need help at home probably comes better from a professional social worker or from their doctor than from their "kids".
https://www.lifelonglinks.org/
Has the answer already been "no" before you even asked the question? Your post has a ring of bitter experience to it :(
What sort of care are you hoping to introduce?
"Would you want someone with no experience to...and then she listed all the things they expected out of someone caring for them. To all her questions was the answer NO. Her answer..."then you don't want me."
I firmly believe in not "asking" because the answer will be No. My daughter says you approach them like they are making the decision. Like "Mom wouldn't it be nice to have someone come and help Dad bathe, shave and get dressed. Something you don't have to worry about. And if you like, they could do the same for you. Help with a bath and get dressed."
Or like said, have an assessment done and allow the caseworker to make suggestions. Coming from someone else makes a big difference.
Mom swore there was a baby in her AL. She would walk around the building looking for it. I told her no babies here because its all seniors. She looked at the aide and said "if you tell me there are no babies, I will believe you" The aide told her there were no babies, Mom said OK and walked away.
Well, couple days later Dad said the brochure looked like a very nice place, maybe in a few years. FEW YEARS ??? My gosh, they were already in their late to mid 90's.... [rolling eyes].
When it did come time that my folks needed caregivers to help out, Dad was ready to hire, but Mom refused big time. Sadly that caused major battles between my parents. I felt bad for Dad, as he knew the house was just too much for the both of them, especially now being fall risks. Mom held her ground and won.
Like many of us had to do, wait for a serious illness/injury to get the ball rolling to senior facilities. Mom's refusal of help was literally her down fall. Major complication from the fall, Mom spent her final months in long term care. Dad hired caregivers for himself until it was time to sell the house and move to senior living.
Parents tend to be in denial of their age and health. And we are just the kids, and what do we know :P