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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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If he's better when the drugs wear off, then his drugs need to be re-examined. You are right that one episode of gagging hardly constitutes "the end is near." You may be onto something here.
One thing to note however: If people are going steadily downhill and they truly are near death, a rally is very common. People think, "Oh, they are really pulling back and improving now." And then they are gone. This is very, very common and confuses a lot of people.
That said, your information sounds as though the wrong drugs (or dosage, or too many drugs), or jumping to conclusions because of one bad episode could have some people thinking the end is near. If you don't trust the people with the POA, it's good to keep an eye out.
Good luck with this. It can get very confusing. Having a chat with the medical people on who care for him would be helpful, if you can get accurate information. Carol
Thank you to all who responded. I saw my dad a few hours ago and he was bright eyed. It seemed that he had an idea that this is the end and he doesn't seem or look like he is ready to go. I am really rethinking my DNR after seeing the progression with dad. I am still confused by the recent events as directed by the family member with medical POA. I think that 1 episode of gagging on food and drink does not constitute a total lack of ability to eat and drink.I realize that I was not standing there when it happened so my exposure to it was after the fact. There are moments when I can tell the dementia is really bad and he does not have his bearings, but at least half the time when the drugs wear off he seems like he could just get up and go home.
Again thank you all for your prayers and letting me got some of this off my chest.
When my Grandmother was dying she had pneumonia and was coughing and struggling to breath... I knew she was waiting for mycousin, her only Grandson to come and visit. He was NOT coming and I knew that too... I told her that he was not coming, not to hurt or be mean. I loved her very much but I didnot want her to suffer. She died within 24 hrs. Often folks need to know their loved ones will be OK. My other Grandmother's hip broke and she fell @ age 97. She had the surgery and did real well however she was determined that she would not be able to walk again she quit eating would not drink, pulled out IV's etc. I said to her," Gran if you don't eat you are going to die and she replied Yes and you need to let me go, Lassie." Lassie is what Scottish folks call a girl... She was gone within 3 wks.All through her illness her eyes were closed unless you spoke to her, the day she died her eyes were wide open. I think she wanted to see heaven.
They do indeed hear what you said my husband calmed down after I told him it was alright for him to go to be with God-he had been anxious trying to tell me something before that and when I tiod him I knew what he wanted to say and said those words to him he was calm and peaceful the rest of the time untill he left us hours later and others have told me it was the same with their loved ones,
Thanks for the mention of talking to the patient, Heavyload. Touch is also generally welcome. My sister and I touched our parents, held their hands and talked to them (and to each other, in their presence).
I do believe our presence was known and wanted. Attended deaths can be beautiful, when the person is dying after a long struggle and they are ready. My first attended death was with my uncle. That experience, as well as the deaths of my parents, became stories that remain in my heart and also events I've written about. We will all die. It is part of the life cycle. Helping someone die with loving support is one of the most important things we can do. Not always are we given this chance, but when we are, it's an experience most of us would never forget.
As a registered nurse most patients will be able to survive about one week, or a little bit longer. It just depends on how strong they are and how strong their will to live is. Just make sure the nurses and doctors keep your dad comfortable with pain medications if he needs them. Please talk to your dad and let him know you are there for him. Patient's can hear even if they do not respond. This is a difficult time for everyone so keep in touch if you need us.
Not too long, though my little mother, who was riddled with pain and only weighed 85 pounds, was "dying" for three days (though, in reality, she'd been dying for months).
Her heart was so strong. Her organs had been shutting down one by one for weeks before hospice put her on meds and took her off hydration. She was comfortable but her heart kept beating. It was a long three days for my sister and for me, but when she died she died peacefully. As long as your father is not in pain, it is okay. He'll last as long as his heart beats, and that is different for everyone.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
One thing to note however: If people are going steadily downhill and they truly are near death, a rally is very common. People think, "Oh, they are really pulling back and improving now." And then they are gone. This is very, very common and confuses a lot of people.
That said, your information sounds as though the wrong drugs (or dosage, or too many drugs), or jumping to conclusions because of one bad episode could have some people thinking the end is near. If you don't trust the people with the POA, it's good to keep an eye out.
Good luck with this. It can get very confusing. Having a chat with the medical people on who care for him would be helpful, if you can get accurate information.
Carol
Again thank you all for your prayers and letting me got some of this off my chest.
Austin's experience is fresh and we appreciate each jewel she shares on this issue.
Carol
I do believe our presence was known and wanted. Attended deaths can be beautiful, when the person is dying after a long struggle and they are ready. My first attended death was with my uncle. That experience, as well as the deaths of my parents, became stories that remain in my heart and also events I've written about. We will all die. It is part of the life cycle. Helping someone die with loving support is one of the most important things we can do. Not always are we given this chance, but when we are, it's an experience most of us would never forget.
Carol
Her heart was so strong. Her organs had been shutting down one by one for weeks before hospice put her on meds and took her off hydration. She was comfortable but her heart kept beating. It was a long three days for my sister and for me, but when she died she died peacefully. As long as your father is not in pain, it is okay. He'll last as long as his heart beats, and that is different for everyone.
We are thinking of you and with you in sprit.
Carol