I personally think we selfishly live or maybe that's what I am led to believe. I know I am just a kid, but I relate somehow to him slowly dying. I think it's because what I hear, what he says to me (not very much) I've seen him get beat, heard fights and heard and watched "love" die before my very eyes, not that I ever learned what love is. I feel lost. I know I should do something but I am 18 knowing little about what I could do in this big world. I am still in school, and I try to focus on it, but it's hard. My grandma, that I call mom, takes care of him. She is his wife. So what do I do?
I'm so sorry. You seem very sad and alone. Is there someone at your school that you can safely talk to? You sound like you have a big heart and I do believe you know what love is, you are displaying your knowledge by asking how you can help someone you care about. I am not completely sure what you are asking for here but at your age, and perhaps even if you were older and set in your life with disposable income, you probably couldn't fix this situation. I'm in my 60's and I couldn't fix my parent's problems.
So, love him and be there to listen to him when you can. Then go live your life because you are young and that is what you should be doing. Please don't take this on as your problem. Help your grandma/mom when you can and be the sweet person you are.
Good luck and let us know how you are doing. Sending good wishes your way.
the stress . Afterwards I would get a early dinner and write . I never knew what Chaos would be at Home . I did my grocery shopping before my appointment. So that Day would be to heal me . The amount of stress could be exhausting. I would tell the Doctor how exhausted I was - I didn’t really get any help from Him - sometimes I would call
the social worker begging for help or to come to the house 🏡 I had no family to help me .this role as caregiver I did not choose - my Mom got very ill and crazy . Then my brother got stage 4 cancer and died - Dad was declining . You have to choose life and take care of yourself.
Before anyone protests my cautions about joining the military at such a young age, know that my husband is a retired military officer who proudly served. He joined at age 24.
My son was actually on the committee and helped form this hotline. Any ? Please let me know
You’re so young. No one should expect you to know how to handle a situation like this without getting outside help. I’m sure that you feel extremely lost, confused and even helpless.
It’s incredibly frustrating not to know where to turn. It’s hard to talk about difficult things to others. It’s painful to discuss our experiences for a number of reasons.
Do not allow anyone to make you feel like you could have prevented any of these occurrences. None of this is your fault and you couldn’t have prevented any of it.
So, please don’t blame yourself for not knowing what to do. You have taken the first step now by reaching out. That is what is most important.
Talk to your school counselor, a teacher or anyone that you trust about your situation. They can lead you in the right direction with going forward with what is the best way to handle this situation.
I wish you all the best and hope that you will find peace, joy and love. There are people who will help you as you navigate through this difficult time in your life.
One day, you will see a young person that is struggling and you will be an example for them that they will be able to make it through their tough situation.
Take care.
That being said, you should never ask other people how you should feel about anything. Everyone's feelings are their own and they come from us alone.
You say you call your grandmother 'mom'. Where are your parents? Do you have siblings?
Do you go to school or work? If you don't then both of these things should be your top priority now. You are at the age where you're supposed to start planning your adult life and doing the right things so you can give yourself an adult life.
Your grandfather lived his life. If he loves you he will want you to go to school and learn a trade of profession. He will want you have friends and go places and enjoy being young.
Every living thing in this life dies at some point. Your grandfather will and so will you. Your grandfather has lived a lot of life. It's time for him to go on to what's next. It's time for you to go on to adulthood.
Do you have a community college in your area? How about trying some classes. Many of them also have work-study programs where they give you a job while you're in school and it helps. I did this and I was a ways older than you when I did it.
Is there a trade school in your area? Tradespeople make good money these days. As good or more than white collar workers.
Even check out Americorps as has been suggested here. That might be a good fit for you too. Or military service.
You've got a whole world of options at your age. Try some life at your age. Your grandfather who loves you wants you to have a good adult life.
So what next? Have you heard of Americorps? A young member of my family enlisted in Americorps right after high school graduation. Americorps offered a place to live, a way to help others, three square meals a day, and help with college after the enlistment was over (I think the enlistment was a year or so). This relative wasn't ready for college yet, but after a year with Americorps, they had a better idea of what they wanted to do in life. They recently graduated from college. The Americorps experience involved being member of a team sent to parts of the US for help after natural disasters, such as distributing supplies and fixing buildings. They said it was fun and they learned a lot, such as teamwork and the joy of helping others.
I don't think you should be living with grandpa and grandma much longer. Too much emphasis on death and dying. You need to learn how to live. But make sure you have a high school diploma before you explore the world. Everything will be so much easier for you as a high school graduate.
Now go look up Americorps! And good luck.
PS And don't drink or use drugs. That's a sure way to get nowhere, and you need to focus on all the exciting somewheres that are waiting to be found by you.
You go look up Americorps. It's basically indentured servitude for people18-24. At least the military pays actual wages.
You're spot on about staying away from booze and drugs though. No good ever comes of either.
The hard way.
By experience.
So you can only be a support where you can, and you need to watch carefully to understand what NOT TO BE.
I just responded to someone above that my partner was raised by a religious fanatic father who didn't believe in doctors and wouldn't allow him to see one even if he broke a bone. His mother, abused by the dad in that manner, fearing for her son became overprotective to the extent she wouldn't allow him even to play. Clutching on to her son while threatening to leave both father and son by suicide, she made his life a fearful living Hades on earth.
He remained kind and faithful but when his Dad died he honestly was relieved and when the mother died many years later, after his watching over her from states away, calling once a week, visiting a week a year, he was relieved she was gone.
How did then my partner come to be such a good, strong, kind and loving man?
He says they taught him everything NOT TO BE.
Perhaps it is just thinking (which you are doing) about what you want for your own life, what you are learning out of all this. Perhaps we are some of us just genetically more equipped to survive. I really can't know. But I do think a lot is attitude.
I am sorry, you are going through tough stuff. I see some people come out stronger and I see some people come out sinking down into what they "see", what they "know", and repeating the very things they loathed as they grew up.
I can only wish you the best, and tell you, I have faith you can rise above, can learn. You are a thinker, and they ROCK.
Is there a school counselor you can safely speak with? You are at the beginning of a huge long journey, and the 20s are when you LEARN so much, through both good and tough experience. I wish you so much luck.
Kids don’t automatically know how to deal with tough situations in life.
You have expressed an accurate and realistic view on this situation.
I have to ask this...
when you say you hear "fights" and you say "I have seen him get beat" are you talking about PHYSICAL fights and PHYSICAL beatings. Or even Verbal fights and verbal beatings?
If this is what is happening you need to talk to someone or you need to call 911 when it is happening.
It does not matter who is doing this to your grandpa it is important that
1. YOU are safe
2 You help keep grandpa safe.
If it is your grandma it can be as "simple" as she is exhausted and can use some help.
Anyone that takes care of a person with dementia needs help sometime.
We are all human and it is sometimes easy to lose your temper.
But if this is happening to grandpa he is not doing anything on purpose to make someone angry.
I feel bad that you are possibly put in a situation that you should not have to deal with.
You can also contact your local Senior Service Center and ask to talk to a social Worker and explain what is going on. they are trained to help.
Please keep us posted and if you need to ask questions or just vent this is a safe place.
How old are your grandparents?
What state/county do you live in?
Do you have any other relatives or trusted adults to help you?
Does your grandpa have an actual medical diagnosis of dementia (not just someone's opinion), or other health issues (like, diabetes)?
Is your Grandmom still working?
For abuse, call 911. Even if the abuser is your Grandmom. Or, call APS -- but be prepared that your Grandpa may be removed from the house at some point. It's possible your Grandmom has caregiver burnout, or she herself has cognitive decline and is overwhelmed and less able to handle life.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. Please provide more info.
Adult Protective Services.
If you do not feel safe at home you can tell the police , you can tell the guidance counselor at school if you are still in high school . Tell the counselor you “ feel lost “. Ask to be directed to your local county social worker . Perhaps they can help you find somewhere else to live , as well as a therapist to talk to . Schools also have psychologists you can speak to . Ask to speak to one , tell him/her you “ feel lost”. If you are in college you can go to the student health center for these issues , they can direct you to where you can get help .
I’m so sorry about your situation. You are young and deserve to focus on your own life , figuring out what you want to do , socializing with friends. This is not being selfish . This is how you learn to be an independent adult .