My mother is 78 years old and lives in assisted living now. She was living with me for about 5 months but needed more care than I could give. My mother, I remember as a child, was very strong, very independent and worked 3 jobs to take care of me and my sister as my father left when I was 7 years old. I am now 55. My sister has nothing to do with the situation so it's all on me. I am POA and I take care of absolutely everything. Lately she has been calling me in the wee hours of the morning saying that she's lost, she doesn't know where she is, that I need to come and take her home, and she's in a basement and can't get out. I believe she has early onset dementia or Sundowner's Syndrome. I just need to hear others that have dealt with this situation and their experiences to give me some direction. I'm so lost and saddened by what I am witnessing. It's hard. I cry after I get done speaking with her as I don't want her to hear me upset. I love her so much.
When you go to bed at night mute your phone.
If the call comes in at about the same time if you can ask the staff to check in on her around then and reassure her if she is agitated.
If she is afraid at that dawn time of day if you can fix a timer on a light or two so the light will go on so if she wakes she will not be in the dark and may be more aware of her surroundings.
If you can not mute your phone if you can let the call go to voicemail and maybe just hearing your voice telling her that she is ok and that she should leave you a message.
Has your mom been given new meds lately? Does she get sufficient care in AL or is she better suited to Memory Care? Can you speak to her PCP about this new behavior for his input? Get the AL nurse to do a urine culture to rule out UTI, which is always the first course of action?
If your mom has a bad time of day say the wee hours of the morning, ask the doctor if a mild sedative can be prescribed to keep her asleep during that time.
It's always upsetting to hear your mother in such a state of confusion, I feel your pain. I've cried myself when telling my mother her papa is dead and she can't ride the bus to visit him. Or that her sisters and brothers are all deceased so she can't call them to chat, as she wants to do. I explain to her that they're all together and safe, happy, playing cards and will be ready to reunite with her when God says its her time. I don't know what's right or wrong, just that I have to tell her the truth because she's fixated on visiting and calling the dead family members, so there's no other choice.
It's a very hard road you're on here with your mom and dementia. Get some direction from her doctor and get her to a neurologist who has more experience and expertise in the field of dementia and Alzheimer's. Read up at alz.org and the recommendations sjplegacy gave you. That's the best thing you can do.
Wishing you the best of luck.
My mother never really had classic sun-downing, but her first UTI in MC resulted in severe afternoon/evening sun-downing. In the morning, she'd be fine, like it never happened! Antibiotics and some Lorazepam while treating the UTI took care of the infection and kept her from having the anxiety attacks. Subsequent UTIs showed up as night-time bed wetting (aka soaking everything, briefs, pad inserted, night clothes, bedding.) Once treated, that also went away.
If no sign of infection, a sigh of relief there. Next step is perhaps something to help her sleep/stay asleep. Most sun-downing occurs later afternoon/early evening, but it can occur any time of day.
The idea of having a light for her might help. If she wakes up in the dead of night and is in the dark, it will likely feed into whatever fear she has. Perhaps a night light with a sensor, so if she gets up it will turn on automatically? Assumption is she would have to get up, at least partially, to use the phone. Maybe a bed alarm, to alert the AL staff, so they can try to reassure her and get her back to sleep?
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