He recently had another one & had to go to hospital emerg in Ambulance. It's as though its all happening again. I'm very down and exhausted. He's been in nursing home since 2014.
He was 53 when first stroke/bleed occurred. still only 72.. My life has been only him - now more so because of visits. not really a question, but any ideas how to carry on?
Senior75, there is only one way that I know of to deal with the grief. Get ready, you might get mad at me. The path is gratitude. Find the place in your heart where you can feel genuine gratitude for your life with him, for all of his wonderfulness, for his love and companionship. Gratitude for the fact that you had him in your life and still do. Spend a portion of each morning thanking the powers that be for the thousands of things to be grateful for. Keep a gratitude list.
My experience has been that this gives energy, which can then be used to carry on. You will carry on with continued visits and a new activity or hobby--your choice. You know what is best for you.
Good luck and lots of hugs.
I think it's also a journey, one in which the pain and the emotional aspects are predominant, like menacing thunderclouds or tornados. Sometimes we can navigate it and get to a point that we're able to accept the limitations of age, illness and caregiving, to be more comfortable with what we've done under the limitations, and of knowing that we did in fact make life easier for our loved ones. But that journey is not an easy one.
I think the hardest part is turning the sadness and grief into something positive, to know that if we were not there the pain and suffering would be so much greater. Even if we spend a few hours with them and provide some temporary respite, that helps them.
Another difficult path but ultimately helpful is to imagine what our loved one's life would be like without us. Who would care for him/her? How would he/she deal with the loneliness, the fear, anxiety? Who could they call or rely on not only for physical assistance but just to talk to when fear arose?
Then remember that you're the one who responds to all those issues, holds his/her hands, provides the comfort, and that in itself is worth more than anything to someone attempting to navigate the ravages of illness and aging.
Sometimes I think of the process as changing the path of an ocean liner, of a large massive ship. I'm sure others battle the anticipated anxiety and fatigue of a new day, of wondering what might happen, and how/if we can cope. But if we can start each day thinking about what we'll do and how it will help, it's a beginning of a refocus on the positive and not the negative.
Obviously, this isn't easy and I certainly wouldn't claim that I've been able to reach this point. But I do think that the key is remembering every time we have contact with our loved one, what we're doing to help him or her, and mentally shift the focus from seeing the suffering to seeing the positive aspects of our involvement.
I wish you luck; this is a hard path for anyone to take.