My 84yo widowed mom lives((at home) in the midwest and I'm on the West Coast. She is physically fine and can manage ADLs fine, but her short term memory is getting awful (esp since the isolation of pandemic) and she gets confused and overwhelmed easily. (Add this to life-long anxiety disorder (and depression) which she refuses to get treatment for). After visiting her for 7 days over the holidays I'm seeing how confused and overwhelmed she gets with her bills and technology. We spent 5 hours one day getting her cable billing issue sorted out and she recently had some phishing issues. Using her computer and Ipad and flipphone (she didn't want smartphone b/c it overwhelmed her) has always been challenging but she is completely confused. I could help her when I sat next to her and could look at her paper bills and help her log on to her accounts when I was there, but it's impossible from afar (just spent 1.5 hrs on phone trying to help her read her text msgs and log onto paypal and failed at both). I suggested she let me take over managing her finances but she strongly resisted b/c she doesn't want to lose her independence, doesn't want to burden me. I tried everything to convince her but she's not willing. I'm now trying to get her to agree to hire a bookkeeper but she is extremely frugal and concerned about losing her independence. I do have POA but she's physically quite well and fairly active. Has anyone else gone through this? Advice? Thank you. (please let me know if I should post in a different topic area--this is my first post on this website).
"she doesn't want to lose her independence".
But she is. The beast of old age comes to us all (who live long enough).
When this happened to a friend, his Mother getting a lot more than her usual anxiousness, losing ability to pay bills or manage her home, he took action. Toured some local Assisted Living places & then choose one.
While she could manage her ADLs, she was a really struggling a lot more than he had realised with iADLs. It was time to downsize.
Then, once in a smaller environment. With less for her to 'manage' she was able to BE independent again. Does that make sense?
In her house, wasn't coping, but in the right fit environment, with many chores stripped away, she did cope.
Just like children that move from junior school, to senior school, to college. In reverse.
Setting someone up for their best *independence* means getting the right fit.
I have a family member living alone, yet not independent - being propped up by others. (More & more needs taken on by others). Without the helpers, it's a set up for failure.
By all means, look for easy bill paying options you can do from a distance. Just start thinking of the longer term. You want to help set your Mother up to *succeed* in her space, not fail.
Hiring a Bookkeeper will help but I think much of it can be done by you.
And I suppose my next comment might be a bit early but you never really know.....Should mom be living alone? Is there a possibility that she could wander? might she leave an appliance ON that should be off? Like the stove, water running? Or is it possible that she might turn OFF something that should be left on, like the furnace?
And you might want to consider placing cameras in her house so that you can monitor what is happening. Just a quick glance once in a while just to make sure she is up in the morning, has not fallen. Most cameras are small and she does not even need to be aware if you do not want to tell her. (can not place a camera where she would expect privacy bathrooms, her bedroom. And no audio recording unless she consents but check your/her State for laws)