Age 96 gentleman and house repairs are needed and even when we do them after arguments they are needed, there are new ones. And family moving from area due to health reasons. Dad will go to my brothers and assisted living 5 minutes from him. We did the you have a choice before the choice is made for you and other family to encourage him and everyone tells him but as long as the caregivers is there, he states not leaving. Caregiver very nice and we gave a date to end employment but he doesn’t want to leave either! Logic of course not helpful with the cognitive decline
and now they won’t say when things are broken or trouble. The basement had water for a week without we knowing til repair person called with the news and said health hazzard and won’t come back til fixed. We fixed it but under much duress. Help to know how to pack him or what? Doctor not really much of a help as she has caregiver for her family and just says manage it.
This sounds like more than "mild"
Do you have POA? for both Health and Financial matters? Or does a sibling?
I think at this point it is past allowing him to make decisions for his safety and well being.
I would also look for another doctor, one that is not projecting their family matters onto patients and the patients family.
YOU pack what he needs.
YOU place him where he will be safe and cared for.
If you do not have POA I suggest that you make an appointment with an Elder Care Attorney. If after talking to your dad if the Attorney thinks he is aware of the conversation and what is going on the POA can be appointed. If he is not cognizant according to the lawyer someone may have to be appointed Guardian.
This can be a family member or if no one wants the responsibility then the Court will appoint one, at that time he will be made a Ward of the State. Please consult an Elder Care Attorney.
Pack up enough of his clothes for a week for now. If an AL, he will need some of his furniture. A bed, dresser, nightstand. His favorite chair. A stand for his TV. He will need towels and a shower curtain. The AL should have a list of things to bring. Find out how the laundry is done. By resident or all together. Labels should be put in everything. Oh, sheets and blankets for his bed. Its like moving into an apt., but he gets his meals, socialization and activities.
The aide won't leave? Are they a live in? Was there an agreement written at time of employment that they would need to leave if Dad needed placement or died? Maybe offer two weeks severance pay. If you gave the aide a verbal time employment is done, follow up with a written termination.
"This letter is to confirm of our talk on January __, 2022 informing you that as of January __, 2022 your services will no longer be needed in the caring of our father. It has been determined by his family and doctors that he needs 24/7 care and the choice of an Assisted Living has been made.
We would like to say that you have done a great job of caring for our father but we feel his home is no longer safe and with his cognitive decline feel its time to move him to a safer place.
*Please take any of your belongings that may be in the house at that time with you. All keys to the home will need to be turned over at that time, also. After January __, 2022 there will be no access to the home. At the time the keys are turned over, you will be given a check for 2 weeks severance pay." (Really there is no law concerning severance pay having to be given. Its a companies choice to do it or not. If Dad can afford it a month may be better)
If that doesn't work, you may need to evict them. But getting Dad into an AL is the first thing you do. If the aide becomes a problem. call the police.
*what I wrote pertains more to if the person is a live in. And the part about no access means you are changing the locks on the doors but no need to say that. I think writing "no access" explains it all. And DO change the locks right away. Make sure the property is as secure as possible. All windows locked. If a cellar, door lock it.
Any out buildings put a lock on them. The garage should be secured. If the aid comes back to say something was forgotten, he will need an appt to get in or one of you get it and he picks it up. Since it seems he is not being cooperative, I may have someone with him when he packs up. U may request if a cop can be there so things don't get out of hand.