I help take care of my mother and have hired a caretaker. I'm in my late 30s, mother in late 70s. I moved her in to my home, the caretaker is there while I am at work during the day. Mother has dementia, kidney disease, and thyroid problems, so she always feels cold even in direct summer sun and being active for her age. She isn't very advanced into dementia but she can no longer drive and gets lost, and often forgets things she has left cooking in the kitchen. Aside from that though, she also refuses to keep the A/C on during the summer. We live in South Texas, it has been in the 90s lately with lows at night in the 70s.
We have a smart thermostat that can be controlled by the box on the wall and by apps on our phones. I have tried turning on heat/cold limits to make sure the house doesn't get too hot or cold, but all it does is alert us when it gets too hot or cold (it has never gotten too cold, it alerts us daily that it is too hot) instead of automatically turning the A/C on or off. I am certainly uncomfortable in the heat and do try to keep the A/C on, but unfortunately mother knows how to not only use the app on her phone but also how to redownload it when it gets deleted. Even if I did get rid of the app on her phone completely, she also knows how to turn the A/C off using the wall box.
I have no idea how to stop her from turning it off. On the rare occasions she's alone at home, she will often turn the A/C off and let the house get to the upper 80s, even if I turn it on through my app right after she will go right back and turn it off. I have tried locking the temperatures when the A/C is on, but the lock does not prevent someone from turning it completely off, which is what mother is doing. Sometimes I am too busy at work or I'm asleep and she will turn the A/C off and I won't notice for an hour or two, sometimes all night and the house will get very hot.
Has anyone successfully done anything that ensures the house stays at a comfortable temperature? Is there a specific brand of smart thermostat that can be used on phones but not on the wall box, so I could potentially replace the system and just not give her access to the app and let her think the box is doing something (a dummy box of some kind?). I'm very worried with how hot Texas gets that one day she's going to let the house get to 90+ degrees if I don't catch her turning it off, but even then it's a constant chore to monitor if the A/C is on, especially when I'm at work. The caretaker has tried to combat this as well, since I can imagine working while it's hot in the house would be incredibly uncomfortable, but again mother will slip away just to turn the A/C off. Any help or advice is appreciated.
I'd remove the App off her phone, or just remove her phone. Make it crystal clear if the lockbox is tampered with, she loses her phone....or gets placed in a facility. She can put on warmer clothes if she's cold!
Your Moms tyroid is why she feels the cold. Thyroid had something to do with body temps. Get her some nice warm sweaters, sweatshirts. Maybe she should wear winter clothing.
Your mom can put on layers of clothing if she's that cold.
There's NO reason that you and the rest of your family should suffer heat stroke because your mom is too cold.
She's in YOUR house, so she gets to put on fleece sweat pants and shirts, and throw on an extra blanket if she's cold.
I live in NC and it's always very hot here in the summer and when my late husband was alive, he too was very cold natured. But guess what? I didn't turn my air-conditioning down ever; no, he just wore sweat pants and his hoodies and covered up with an extra blanket.
I was not about to sweat to death in my own home when it was much easier for my husband to bundle up if he was cold.
So quite worrying about your darn smart app and just lay the law down with your mom about how things will be going forward. And you tell her that if she keeps messing with the app on her phone that you'll be taking her phone away. Period. End of sentence.
(I bet there is, there is a parental control for almost everything)
I think it does not matter how active your mom is as people age the circulation changes and the body does what it can to keep the "core' temperature the way it want it. So that generally means that fingers, hands, toes, fee will feel cold.
As crazy as it sounds a cure hat or cap for mom to wear will keep her feeling warmer. Socks on her feet will help. And Polar Fleece tops and pants. The Polar Fleece is more breathable and it will not make her overly hot.
So if she feels warmer you can keep the AC where it is comfortable for you and others in the house.
We made sure my Dad had blankets to help when he was chilly. T/C
Please keep the thermostat simple. I remember when my Dad had 3-shifts of caregivers, not one was able to figure out how Dad had programmed the thermostat. Neither did I. Finally was able to convince Dad to get an easy to use thermostat that anyone can figure out, no apps, no cellphone, etc. And yes, get a plastic cover lock box so your Mom can't change it. She will just need to dress accordingly.
HVAC techs say it is better to keep the temp at one setting all day long, maybe lowering/raising it 1 degree at night. Those who raise the temps when they are at work, then lowering it when they get home, the A/C will struggle trying to cool down the house, making the electric meter whirl big time, thus high bills.
If she persists then you need to nicely tell her she needs to live elsewhere where she can have total control of the ambient temperature.
The good news is that this too shall pass as she declines. I think the toilet paper fascination followed for DH aunt.
One of the ideas I had decided would be my next thing to try was placing a new thermostat in a place not known to DH aunt. I was going to leave the existing thermostat where it was and let her adjust it all she wanted. She didn’t like the noise of the AC either, each time she would pass the thermostat she would turn it off. It was a habit. She would also turn it on full blast when she was hot. The idea of a constant temp was not something she could embrace. I think it was a longtime habit. She also has thyroid issues. Be sure to keep her tested to make sure she is on the correct dosage. It makes a difference. Also hydration is important and sometimes difficult. Aunt liked to sit outside and she would get heat rash under her boobs. I introduced the small bottles of water to her about this time and we would each chug one. There were a whole group of issues around getting too cold in the house, too hot outside.
It takes a long time to cool the house down after it gets up to the 80s/90s.
Even though smart phones are essential for aging elders to keep a level of independence, this might be the time for her to “lose” her phone and maybe get a dumbed down version. One of the independent repair places might know how to disable her existing phone from downloading apps. she sounds pretty sharp. Dh aunt was in her late 80s when we went through this. Your mom could live a long time and sadly, it won’t get easier to control her activities until she becomes immobile which brings another group of issues. She is 97 now in a NH and the temp holds no interest for her now but the thyroid still has to be monitored for her to stay comfortable.
I am sorry. Take care of yourself and welcome to the forum.
this link is to other posts looking for help with the thermostat.
https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=Thermostat
My house hits 85° constantly in summer. I know for a fact it would get much hotter inside, but we’ve set our system to automatically turn the A/C unit on at 85°. We are relatively young and healthy and try to live our lives outside on a shaded porch to remain cool rather than in a suffocating house.
@AnxietyNacy has the only solution which has a real chance of working while your mother is living with you: set your mother up to live and stay in the heat of summer and coldest of winter in just one room, with doors and vents which stay closed to the air-cooled or heated conditioned air. If you don’t have a den which will work, make her bedroom her cave, and she can put on or take off clothing all day long every day to regulate her temperature.
Bonus points if you can provide a small mobile A/C unit and a small (safe, non-tip over) heater unit for her private cave. She can fiddle with them to her heart’s content.
Sources: Climate Change Indicators: Heat Waves
(https://www.epa.gov/climate-indicators/climate-change-indicators-heat-waves);
Warning Signs and Symptoms of Heat-Related Illness (https://www.cdc.gov/disasters/extremeheat/warning.html)
________________________________
Hot Weather Tips for Seniors - Heat waves are a potentially deadly problem
Centers for Disease Control-Prevention (CDC): yearly around 618 Americans die from extreme temps, most of them elderly people. Some seniors don’t realize when they are overheated, dehydrated-in danger. Older adults simply can’t handle the heat well as they don’t sweat as effectively and have poorer circulation. Obesity, heart disease, dementia, diabetes and other chronic medical conditions can compound the risk, as can certain medications like diuretics, antihypertensives and those used to treat Parkinson’s disease.
Extreme Summer Heat and the Elderly
To protect, they should remain inside air-conditioned buildings, dress lightly and keep hydrated. This is easier said than done, since poor circulation often causes older adults to catch a chill more easily. It’s not uncommon for an elder to reach for a sweater or turn on the heat in their home even though it’s unbearably hot outside.
Dehydration serious concern.
* Many seniors are perpetually dehydrated regardless of the season.
* Elders tend to prefer beverages like coffee and soda to water, too.
* Water is always the best option for staying hydrated.
* While dehydration and overheating can be dangerous, the real threat to avoid this summer is heat stroke. Lisa H. Clark, M.D., a geriatrician based in Dallas, Texas, encourages caregivers to keep an eye out for signs of heat exhaustion, which can lead to heat stroke.
Symptoms of Heat Exhaustion in Elderly Individuals
* Sweating profusely * Cold, pale and clammy skin * Fast, weak pulse.
* Nausea or vomiting * Muscle cramps * Fainting * Tiredness or weakness * Dizziness * Headache
Symptoms of Heat Stroke in Seniors
* High body temperature (103°F or higher)
* Hot, red, dry or damp skin
* Fast, strong pulse * Headache * Dizziness * Nausea
* Confusion * Loss of consciousness
Be on especially high alert for confusion or altered mental state in seniors who are out in hot weather. If your loved one should collapse or lose consciousness, CALL 911 immediately.
* While you are waiting for help, move them to a cooler location, remove as much of their clothing as possible and pour cold water all over their body to bring their body temperature down.
* If your loved one complains of the cold indoors, turn up the thermostat in small increments and try to seat them away from the direct flow of air vents.
* If they won’t stay inside, have them sit outside in a shady spot under a ceiling fan or near a box fan. Try to get them to spend the hottest parts of the day inside if possible.
* To keep a senior’s home cooler, close curtains or blinds on the east side of the home during the morning and the west side in the afternoon.
* If no air conditioning or refuses to use it, spend some time in a cool, air-conditioned space like a library, mall, senior center or theater. Find emergency shelters: "cooling centers" for heat reprieve. “Even passing two or three hours in the AC each day can help reduce the risk of heat-related medical issues.”
* Plenty of water. Avoid highly caffeinated bev, sodas w sodium, alcohol.
* Keep sugar-free popsicles, make juice drinks; fruits-vegetables that are high in water: watermelon, cucumbers, celery, strawberries, and bell peppers
* Clothing: lightweight, not form-fitting, light in color. Loosely woven hats, well ventilated so they don’t trap heat. A broad brim is also crucial for shading the entire face.
* Wear reapply sunscreen when outside.
Gena / Touch Matters
i really thinkthis I s is a question for her doctor
maybe there’s more to it when she’s adjusting it -
I’d speak with her doctor first
In common area, put her chair in area that gets no direct AC from vent. Order deflector for ceiling vent to send air into room opposite from where she sits. In winter, you can change direction of warm air to blow directly on her.
Keep blankets near her chair...long sleeves on her arms all the time.
I've been cold all my life...even in Texas heat and humidity...this is how I manage it when I visit others or if I have to make home cooler when others visit me
The Mother may be trying to control the home temperature but the issue is how she perceives her own body's temperature messages.. And/or many people really dislike the sensation of blowing/moving air.
This happens to me too. Everyone else is ok but I can feel chilled. I also dislike a breeze (unless a very hot day). I will wear a woolly or fleece hat in winter (even inside). Keeping the head warm really helps me. In summer I wear a very thin scarf as a shawl in restaurants to block the aircon stream.
Maybe I should add a regency era lace bonnet indoors for summer..😜
I think the caregivers will have to take this on. To supervise & set the temp to a sensible level.
Maybe the FEEL of a soft cardigan or knee blanket may work for Mother? A very open weave would be more appropriate for summer eg An open weave cotton or muslin baby blanket & a very thin cotton shawl to avoid any draft.
On Amazon such a product can be purchased for about 15 dollars and you can get either a key or combination lock .
As for the suggestions for more layers or blankets, this has been implemented for a few years now, it just has never been enough for her to feel warm. She often wears 2-3 long-sleeve shirts, 1-2 long pants, 1-2 pairs of socks, slippers, a sweater, and multiple blankets covering her legs or upper body. She also has access to a small, safe plug-in heater, and uses it when the cold feeling gets unbearable.
I have purchased a cover for the box on the wall, and will be keeping the keys that came with it in a place she can't access. I have the company that services our A/C unit coming out soon to see if they can figure out a way to set an actual limit on the temperature and not just set up an alert. I also went ahead and changed the password to the app that controls the unit, though she has twice now tried to reset it (tried, because she doesn't have access to the email associated with it, so I just get the reset email with no issues). She has gotten quite upset over not having access to it, and doesn't understand why I purchased a cover for the box, but she seems to forget about it by evening and just asks me if I feel cold (I never do, but when she does this I do turn the temperature up a degree or two). I have tried giving her a "dumb phone" but she prefers a regular phone with accessibility features turned on, so I won't fully change that out for her right now.
To those that suggested turning her room/areas of the house into warmer areas, I did try to do that before getting the cover, but for some reason our vents don't allow us to fully close them off, just redirect the air one direction or the other without actually closing. We aren't able to open our windows due to the insects that live around us trying to get in, but I did change out the curtains in her bedroom to be more sheer (still not allowing anyone to look in, just some that let the sun come in more) and it seems to be helping keep the room warmer in the evening since it faces where the sun sets. I also ordered a few microwaveable heating pads, it felt safer to get those rather than plug-in heating pads. Thankfully, she isn't able to use the microwave, so I or a caretaker will be able to warm them up for her.
I also saw suggestions to move her out if this becomes an issue that other solutions won't solve. I would like to avoid doing this as it is very expensive, but ultimately if these measures I have taken don't work out I will look into this as well. I am planning to go with her to her next few doctors appointments instead of the caretaker just to emphasize how much the temperature regulation is an issue right now and see if there is anything they can do to help.
Thank you to everyone that gave suggestions, I am already seeing some success with a few that were given and I hope that these work for us in the long term.