I have opinionated, controlling sister that wants the care for our parents, home sell, health issues for Dad not Mom in her control.
If I say I'm the POA I have destroyed our relationship. All this is new to me and I'm trying to make the right decisions as each day progresses. I listen to all opinions and then go with what I feel is right.
So many times dealing with aged parents there are sibling issues. I am fortunate, my brother and I work in harmony and make good joint decisions, it works so well for our mother and step-mother, both in homes.
We did sell both of their homes and are using the proceeds to keep them in the facilities. It was the best decision for all involved.
She had absolutely no idea of the work involved. We didn't have a good relationship to begin with, and it got worse with her interference and lack of respect that I was POA.
Your last sentences says it all to me. "I listen to all opinions and then go with what I feel is right."
YES!!! I believe that is the right thing to do. Good for you!!!
You have my sympathies. I know what it is like having a non supportive, interfering sibling. I ended up reducing contact with her and finally going no contact after mother passed and the estate was settled. (I was executrix too.) I don't know if your situation is that dire but please protect yourself as much as you can. The job is so big and draining without that additional problem. (((((hugs))))
That is a fiduciary duty of the highest level.
You are responsible to do what is right, safe, and in the best interest and well being of your parents.
Period.
End of sentences.
You are POA.
YOU make the decisions that are in your parents best interest.
To make those decisions you take the information that you have been given and you decide based on what you know.
You can ask for input. You can ask for ideas or suggestion but at the end of the day it is you that will decide.
Your parents obviously trusted you with this responsibility.
I was POA for my dad. I was fortunate in that my responsibilities were explained to me by an elder law attorney. I consulted one because I have a very difficult sibling who had no idea what being POA meant, and came up with the most bizarre demands for both financial and elder care. She would not help, only obstruct. My dad - very intact mentally, but physically in bad shape - didn’t understand what was going on between the two of us because I didn’t want to disturb his peace. But she kept nattering away at him, with him thinking I was just being an arbitrary butt. But I finally sat down, read some of the correspondence from her to me (totally bizarre stuff), explained what could and couldn’t be done, and why. I also offered to step back as POA if he was unhappy with how I was managing things. He did NOT want that, and had a conversation with sis. She backed off.
Long story short: the elder law attorney will help clarify. It helped me tremendously, and for a very small investment (3-4 hours of attorney time - yes, it can look expensive, but it’s worth its weight in gold). I found for me, once I understood exactly what my role was as POA, I could move forward in confidence, and could understand when sibling requests or demands were valid or off the rails. It helped guide decisions for my dad’s care. It helped my dad understand, too, and that made the biggest difference.
My best to you!
Perhaps rotate the POA to every other year and make plans to free each other up to take vacations and to advocate for care? Both of you can take control every other year and not let elder care tear you apart: win-win.
There could be a joint POA. I've done that. It worked out fine, basically because I'd just say "okay, whatever" unless I had a major objection. I have turned down a joint POA since then. It's too difficult to put up with a joint POA's shenanigans (which in my joint POA's case included their lies), and I don't need someone else to "help" me make every decision when I'm responsible for others' life, legal situations and money. Others may feel differently, especially the legally naive and inexperienced.
One could always enter into a joint POA and resign if they no longer want to do it. A POA is something that is legally getoutable.
Nothing is sadder than when we don’t get along with family members. There will always be conflicts that arise.
Rarely do parents and children agree on everything. Nor do siblings. It’s wonderful when family members are able to see eye to eye.
Sometimes things are resolved down the line and others times they aren’t. That’s life. It’s never simple.
If you are the POA, then you hold all of the cards. You have the power. Just use your power responsibly and allow the rest to fall into place. You will never be able to please everyone.
Be yourself. It’s never a good idea to change your values for someone else.
Best wishes to you and your family. I hope that things will work out and you can find peace and harmony within your family. If this doesn’t happen, take comfort that you did what you felt was the best solution.