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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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I have never feared death, and we have our affairs in good order. Yet this past year, I have become fearful about finding him dead. I did find my sister dead in her home from suicide. Do others have such aging fears?
This is not unusual behavior at all. I’m constantly watching my husband for twitches and movement while he’s asleep. I have also been known to watch my dog and my grandsons!
Even when my husband was much younger, I was afraid of losing him. There is no guarantee that tomorrow will come. With kidney disease, one needs to stay hydrated.
Thank you all for such helpful, comforting thoughts. It is hard to explain how reassuring that was. It makes me feel more grounded. Do any of you have recommended reading?
Yes, absolutely. I recall with my Aunt that her breathing in her last years became so gentle and she slept so much due to her kidney disease, that when I was with her it seemed to me she took a breath every minute or so. I would anxiously watch her chest. I think the best thing to do is accept that this is a normal feeling, and then to try to take your mind away to a zen of crossword puzzle, sudoku, listen to a podcast or something. Just ease your mind gently away when it insists on going back here over and over. You won't be able to do it completely but you will be able to do it somewhat. Remember, he could just find you suddenly gone. I mean, stranger things have happened. Wishing you good luck. Glad you are there for him.
Totally normal... Do others have such aging fears?-- Everyone has fears of similar nature. You're totally normal.
Today, I just developed a fear of someone watching me sleep; my dog was just watching me as I was napping, fear was substantiated. I always watch my pets when they're sleeping; watching them sleep lets me know when it's best to schmoosh my face into their fur.
Oh yes.. when my 88 YO mom is napping, sitting up on the couch, both hubs and I have admitted to watching her to see if she is breathing! We hate to wake her up if she napping to see if she is still with us.
I do, about my husband. He naps during the day, and he is SO quiet I can’t see him breathe. He hangs his head down when he sleeps so I can’t see his face. That must have been rough on you, finding your sister like that. I can’t even imagine.
I am terrified of finding my mom dead. I don’t even know if I could watch her die. I get horribly depressed over it and overwhelmed with anxiety about it.
I was with my brother seconds before he died in an end of life hospice facility. I did not see him breathe his last breath. Maybe he knew I was afraid.
My cousins have told me about the ‘death rattle’ and hearing their mom have that as she was dying in their home from cancer. Their dad died in a NH and one daughter was with him.
Do you think people choose when they die? I think they know when it will happen. Most people who have been sick for a long time might have a sense of when it’s happening.
I don’t know how to feel about any of it anymore. I can’t stand seeing her struggle. I can’t stand seeing her wince in pain. I can’t stand seeing how tired she is. All of it is so emotionally and physically exhausting to me.
I can’t even get another dog because I can’t bear to see another dog die. I love dogs! I have been with my dogs until the very end and the vet had to give me the whole box of tissue and he was so concerned he called me at home the next day to check on me. Can you imagine what I would do if a human, especially my mom, died in my presence? Geeeeez!
I try to go numb so I won’t feel anything anymore. I don’t even remember life before mom came to live with us in 2005.
I suppose I will feel conflicting emotions when she does die. Part of me will grieve and part of me will be relieved (if I don’t die first!). I think I have already started the grieving process long ago.
She hasn’t been my mom in forever. I haven’t been her daughter in forever. I’m her caregiver and she’s a patient. No offense to nurses but I never, ever desired to be a nurse.
I envy the people who sincerely feel this is a ‘privilege.’ I am certainly not one of them. I catch myself seeing myself as a prisoner, a prisoner in my own home.
Sorry for depressing everyone. I’m not looking for pity. Empathy, yes. Compassion, yes, but not pity.
Anyway...if I could pick how mom would go. I guess dying peacefully in her sleep would be a blessing. She’s tired! She’s ready. She would love to see my dad again and he has waited a long time for her. He died in 2002!
I know some people have no qualms about others dying at home. I can’t help it. I am afraid. I don’t want to be.
I was told at my caregiver group that meets in my neighborhood that it’s a beautiful thing to be with a loved one at the end. Well, maybe it is. I understand that they feel that way and I am pleased they found comfort and peace from that experience. I sat in the meeting feeling like an idiot because I couldn’t imagine how that feels, especially in my home.
Death would be different in a facility or hospital where I would be able to walk away or not remember that room as the room where mom died.
Geeeeez, am I going crazy or what? I’ll shut up now. Again, sorry that I truly don’t have a grip on this at all. You’d think I would after all this time of being with mom in my home. I love her dearly and this is hard, just excruciatingly hard for me.
My mom was propping her sister’s pillow up behind her in the hospital. Just that quick, she fell back into my mom’s arms and was dead. She was only in her 40’s. She left two kids. My uncle had died previously with cancer. We took in my cousins. Just make us realize, right, how we never know when we will leave this world.
I think about it with mom off and on. I don’t think about when my own time is coming very often. We the caregiver get so preoccupied with others that we often forget about ourselves, right?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What you're doing is perfectly normal.
Do others have such aging fears?-- Everyone has fears of similar nature. You're totally normal.
Today, I just developed a fear of someone watching me sleep;
my dog was just watching me as I was napping, fear was substantiated.
I always watch my pets when they're sleeping; watching them sleep lets me know when it's best to schmoosh my face into their fur.
That must have been rough on you, finding your sister like that. I can’t even imagine.
I was with my brother seconds before he died in an end of life hospice facility. I did not see him breathe his last breath. Maybe he knew I was afraid.
My cousins have told me about the ‘death rattle’ and hearing their mom have that as she was dying in their home from cancer. Their dad died in a NH and one daughter was with him.
Do you think people choose when they die? I think they know when it will happen. Most people who have been sick for a long time might have a sense of when it’s happening.
I don’t know how to feel about any of it anymore. I can’t stand seeing her struggle. I can’t stand seeing her wince in pain. I can’t stand seeing how tired she is. All of it is so emotionally and physically exhausting to me.
I can’t even get another dog because I can’t bear to see another dog die. I love dogs! I have been with my dogs until the very end and the vet had to give me the whole box of tissue and he was so concerned he called me at home the next day to check on me. Can you imagine what I would do if a human, especially my mom, died in my presence? Geeeeez!
I try to go numb so I won’t feel anything anymore. I don’t even remember life before mom came to live with us in 2005.
I suppose I will feel conflicting emotions when she does die. Part of me will grieve and part of me will be relieved (if I don’t die first!). I think I have already started the grieving process long ago.
She hasn’t been my mom in forever. I haven’t been her daughter in forever. I’m her caregiver and she’s a patient. No offense to nurses but I never, ever desired to be a nurse.
I envy the people who sincerely feel this is a ‘privilege.’ I am certainly not one of them. I catch myself seeing myself as a prisoner, a prisoner in my own home.
Sorry for depressing everyone. I’m not looking for pity. Empathy, yes. Compassion, yes, but not pity.
Anyway...if I could pick how mom would go. I guess dying peacefully in her sleep would be a blessing. She’s tired! She’s ready. She would love to see my dad again and he has waited a long time for her. He died in 2002!
I know some people have no qualms about others dying at home. I can’t help it. I am afraid. I don’t want to be.
I was told at my caregiver group that meets in my neighborhood that it’s a beautiful thing to be with a loved one at the end. Well, maybe it is. I understand that they feel that way and I am pleased they found comfort and peace from that experience. I sat in the meeting feeling like an idiot because I couldn’t imagine how that feels, especially in my home.
Death would be different in a facility or hospital where I would be able to walk away or not remember that room as the room where mom died.
Geeeeez, am I going crazy or what? I’ll shut up now. Again, sorry that I truly don’t have a grip on this at all. You’d think I would after all this time of being with mom in my home. I love her dearly and this is hard, just excruciatingly hard for me.
I think about it with mom off and on. I don’t think about when my own time is coming very often. We the caregiver get so preoccupied with others that we often forget about ourselves, right?